Saturday, November 27, 2010

Semester Exams coming...

K...gonna stop all the emo-ing posts for a moment. Cause it's SEMESTER EXAM TIME AGAIN!!! Gosh...while normal people only go through SEMESTER ONE exam once in a year, why do i have to go through twice!!!Freaking twicee..... T-T

Come to thought, I should appreciate everything.
Seriously, do you get to do that? I bet you wont have the chance even you plead for it right? We really do repeating study the same thing, like for Bio, we've been learning about nucleus and cytoplasm since FORM 1 SCIENCE, and now...I'm in CAL, i still learn about the same old nucleus. Haha...this must be a joke man. Somehow, it makes me feel how slow humans are. We took what..10 years to learn a single thing in detail. But, that's how everything develop right? Our ancestors loooong looOO000OOooog time ago (archemides, kirrchoff, markovnikoff..gootttaa stop nerding) been searching and studying about all these stuff day and night until they get to the point of REALISATION. *light bulb*
Appreciate, cause you dont have to go through all those blood and sweat and revolutions to learn about nucleus and cytoplasm or F=ma. You get it just by going to MPH, buy a book and read. To get the hold of part of this big *ss universe we're in....

Well, about the scholarship stuff. Guess, i have made up my mind. I am going to study Medicine.
Yes, Medicine.
Not clear, Medicine.
I have been procrastinating too much. The reason is because I had a great dream in engineering. It didn't spark until my days in SAM, the engineering part of it. I had dream of researching and inventing stuffs I had been too shy to share with anyone. If anyone would know what i wanted to invent, trust me, you would laugh till you die. But, i just wanted to make it, cause
(sounds so familiar..)
Though, to be realistic, are these dreams going anywhere? To get it, means...I have to let go of this scholarship. And my parents would want me to go back Curtin Miri to study engineering.
Means, I would have to go back Miri.
Means, my dream of going to Oxbridge/Imperial would be gone.
Means, I would be just another norm.
(Not to discriminate anything, but from my point of view, the environment you are put in, really does make impact a person greatly, so choosing a great uni is very important for me.)

To be put back, it is certain that, I would change back to the person I was back in primary school and secondary. Those time were happy and carefree, but it isn't how I want my life to continue. Everytime people ask me, if i were given a particular period of my life to be repeated, which would i choose? Even before they finish their question, i would answer, definitely not between 7 to 17 years old. Yes, it is suppose to be the time we are most happy, but I just dont like it.
I dont know why, I feel like that 10 years, i had been floating and dreaming around.
Working hard, but not really being myself.
This year is different, I am out here by myself and I can finally see what I want, and who am I.
I can praise God, sing to Him 24/7, serve Him as much as I like.
I can hang around friends who really does care about me as long as I like.
I can study and read as much and wide variety of books I like
I can watch as many movies as i like.

I can do so many stuff!!!! But sometimes, I wonder if I am going towards the right direction too. To let got of a 2 Million dollar opportunity and waste 40K. Is that stupid? For dream, it may be not. But for reality, that's more than any fool.

In the end, I sat in the dark, think and think and think..... I've decided. I will go to Medicine. Graduate, be doctor. That's what I aimed for until Form 5. After 6 months of searching around, I guess I have to settle down and get back on the track.
We all never experience what is it really like in that field, so gotta stop judging.
Dreams are sometimes, just dream. To grow up, we have to learn to let go of our precious stuff, even when it feels like cutting part of your flesh down.
Though, I will not give up because in clarity, my dream is not really engineering, but:
Engineering is just a route to it. But CERTAINLY, medicine can do just as much.
So, after 1 whole year of pondering what to do in the future, (it suddenly feels so relieving) I AM SET!!!!!!
No more sleepless nights.

Gotta study now...
Au revoir!!!!

p/s: Just thought of a new year resolution: I wanna learn French!!!!!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Why your blog all essay one?

All the title said, some of my long-term blog reader (Thank you very much... :D ) started to realise this fact. It has been 5 years since I first started to blog. 5 years ago I was still Form 2, a naive little girl who just wanted to start a trend in the school, so I just create it for fun. I don't even know what these stuff was, but just did it for the sack of initiating a plan and doing something not much people of my age are doing that time.
( plan did work. Soon, many new blogs around pop out :p )
My post on Doggie Fashion Show(The stupid dog which ran away)

My post used to be very funny, animated and loaded with photos. It was easy and nice to read. Until one day, I read in another blog, the blogger said, she wanted blog real stuff, stuff that express her thoughts, instead of just photos and captions all the way. Cause for us, blog is like a memory keeper, to be more exact, thoughts keeper. She said, "...When I am old next time and look back at my old posts, I do not want to see just bimbotic photos and lame jokes. It was fun, yes, but might as well I open my photo albums in computer to look back at those photos."

post on Uses of Papaya Tree. (I know this is super lame)

It was so true. When i look back at what I wrote when i was at this age, I want to know what exactly was I thinking. Not just photos. I could post the photos in other places in facebook, flickr and other social networks if i wanted to share them. If I just wanted to keep them as memory, I might as well just click on the "library" to see them...

Since then, I have decided to do so too. I write down my thoughts instead of posting silly photos, which i always post in facebook already. no point posting the same photos at 2 same places.

So, why your blog all essay one? I hope you get the answer. :)

Will miss you guys badly

I knew this period of the year would come when I came back here in July.
Everyone's leaving, every one I am familiar with over this strange new place. When I first step foot over here, every thing seem so "dangerously" attractive. With the company of Fiona and YeeLing and all other Sarawak friends, we were so confident that we can go through all these in this year together. We stick together whenever something happen, haha, especially the time when we thought the house was break into, and yeeling with the boiling kettle, me with the plastic chair and fiona with her Nike bottle (which i doubt any burglar would be afraid of?) And those nights which we used to laugh like nobody's business until we got complains from the neighbours. Those nights which 3 of us were in our pyjamas, with the advices and naggings of moms not to get out after 10pm, hugging pillows and wandering on the streets of SS15 at 3am in the morning. Until...I moved out. I so wished I could move back, to be just the way we used to be.
Then when i moved here, I thought it would be hard. New program, new apartment all by my own. I feared the loneliness. I used to like to be alone last semester, deliberately go out on my own to a random place, sit down and totally isolated from this world. Just enjoy my me-time. But when i move here, i found out, I just got too used to the life which I was accompanied by lovely friends 24-7.
Just when I thought fear would come, I was super duper lucky to be able to have another wonderful bunch of friends in SAM. People whom for the first time in my life, other than my family, I felt is more important than ever. Bunch of people who wouldn't mind sacrifices and teaches me what is being "warm-blooded". Dinners, mamaks, chatting and crazy moments. Oh ya, and exploring around too. I was here for 6 months before, but never really go outside of subang other than KL. With you guys, my whole "mind-map" (as in map in the mind) of this whole area increased immensely. If i own a car now, i wouldn't even get lost. Haha..thanks a lot really.

Though, you guys all finished your exams. Time to leave and move on to the next part of your study life - Universities. For the first time, I got the feeling of leaving someone which you know you would only have one out of millions chance to meet again in the future. It's cruel!!!!

People always say you guy have facebook and msn to keep in touch. Yes, but after 1 year leaving secondary school, i can see all those doesn't really work. Unfortunately, we still drift apart in the end... :( Or maybe, i have not learnt to appreciate friendships last time like I do now. That's why, I let it fade off. Or just maybe, physical distance really does pull the relationship between people apart, wide.

And for next year, I would have yet another adventure to start. This time, without any childhood friends by my side. All on my own? Perhaps, but that's what I had to learn right?
To grow and to mature, separation is always one of the process.

If I could choose which part of life to be repeated,
this is the part which I would surely not leave out.