Saturday, November 27, 2010

Semester Exams coming...

K...gonna stop all the emo-ing posts for a moment. Cause it's SEMESTER EXAM TIME AGAIN!!! Gosh...while normal people only go through SEMESTER ONE exam once in a year, why do i have to go through twice!!!Freaking twicee..... T-T

Come to thought, I should appreciate everything.
Seriously, do you get to do that? I bet you wont have the chance even you plead for it right? We really do repeating study the same thing, like for Bio, we've been learning about nucleus and cytoplasm since FORM 1 SCIENCE, and now...I'm in CAL, i still learn about the same old nucleus. Haha...this must be a joke man. Somehow, it makes me feel how slow humans are. We took what..10 years to learn a single thing in detail. But, that's how everything develop right? Our ancestors loooong looOO000OOooog time ago (archemides, kirrchoff, markovnikoff..gootttaa stop nerding) been searching and studying about all these stuff day and night until they get to the point of REALISATION. *light bulb*
Appreciate, cause you dont have to go through all those blood and sweat and revolutions to learn about nucleus and cytoplasm or F=ma. You get it just by going to MPH, buy a book and read. To get the hold of part of this big *ss universe we're in....

Well, about the scholarship stuff. Guess, i have made up my mind. I am going to study Medicine.
Yes, Medicine.
Not clear, Medicine.
I have been procrastinating too much. The reason is because I had a great dream in engineering. It didn't spark until my days in SAM, the engineering part of it. I had dream of researching and inventing stuffs I had been too shy to share with anyone. If anyone would know what i wanted to invent, trust me, you would laugh till you die. But, i just wanted to make it, cause
I DONT JUST WANT TO EXIST. I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!
(sounds so familiar..)
Though, to be realistic, are these dreams going anywhere? To get it, means...I have to let go of this scholarship. And my parents would want me to go back Curtin Miri to study engineering.
Means, I would have to go back Miri.
Means, my dream of going to Oxbridge/Imperial would be gone.
Means, I would be just another norm.
(Not to discriminate anything, but from my point of view, the environment you are put in, really does make impact a person greatly, so choosing a great uni is very important for me.)

To be put back, it is certain that, I would change back to the person I was back in primary school and secondary. Those time were happy and carefree, but it isn't how I want my life to continue. Everytime people ask me, if i were given a particular period of my life to be repeated, which would i choose? Even before they finish their question, i would answer, definitely not between 7 to 17 years old. Yes, it is suppose to be the time we are most happy, but I just dont like it.
I dont know why, I feel like that 10 years, i had been floating and dreaming around.
Working hard, but not really being myself.
This year is different, I am out here by myself and I can finally see what I want, and who am I.
I can praise God, sing to Him 24/7, serve Him as much as I like.
I can hang around friends who really does care about me as long as I like.
I can study and read as much and wide variety of books I like
I can watch as many movies as i like.

I can do so many stuff!!!! But sometimes, I wonder if I am going towards the right direction too. To let got of a 2 Million dollar opportunity and waste 40K. Is that stupid? For dream, it may be not. But for reality, that's more than any fool.

In the end, I sat in the dark, think and think and think..... I've decided. I will go to Medicine. Graduate, be doctor. That's what I aimed for until Form 5. After 6 months of searching around, I guess I have to settle down and get back on the track.
We all never experience what is it really like in that field, so gotta stop judging.
Dreams are sometimes, just dream. To grow up, we have to learn to let go of our precious stuff, even when it feels like cutting part of your flesh down.
Though, I will not give up because in clarity, my dream is not really engineering, but:
TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
Engineering is just a route to it. But CERTAINLY, medicine can do just as much.
So, after 1 whole year of pondering what to do in the future, (it suddenly feels so relieving) I AM SET!!!!!!
No more sleepless nights.
:)

Gotta study now...
Au revoir!!!!

p/s: Just thought of a new year resolution: I wanna learn French!!!!!

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