Friday, December 30, 2011

Wilting flowers

You saw me bloomed,
flourished, when my colour was the strongest;
You bathed yourself in my perfume;
You were in great joy,
for all these miracles are the work of Yours, and Yours alone;
But save me, my Master, 
as I know my time in this worthless world is coming to an end, 
they had abandoned me;
Adore me, if You would, 
and I know You would, my Lord,
at this age, 
when my colour is gradually fading,
until I could no longer stand to worship you,
but to meet You,
face to face.

Dream: Bullied

I woke up this morning, rather late again. It's nearly noon. Then proceeded to staring at the ceiling for...god-knows-how-long. It's nice isn't it, having the whole day's time at your disposal? Even, if you have to pretend that's the case. I tried to recall back the dream that had awaken me earlier. It was a strange dream. (Sad to say, I have rarely any "psychic" dreams lately) I was once again in my secondary school uniform, a very short, skinny and timid girl. I used to carry this huge school bag on my back with lots of books inside, most of the books were not required for classes, but I just like to carry them around (until the age that I realised my height issue was to be blamed on the weights on my back all these days). I entered my form 4 classroom with that blue pinafore which I had ditched during my upper form years to pursue a better sense of fashion in school uniforms - black skirts, impeccably ironed silky, white shirts and black heels, at times, a shinny black jacket to suit. Yes, that silly blue pinafore which made me looked like a silly kid, whom people had numerous times mistook me as a Form 1 kid, rather than an upper form student, soon to graduate from secondary school.

My temporary study table in SG
Measuring Eternity by Martin Grost

I entered the class and I saw all my form 4 classmates but I talked to no one. I put down my bag at my seat, at the last row of the class (tho in reality, the kiasu me would never take the back seat, always the front-middle seats). Then I proceeded to do my duty according to the roster - sweep the floor. Amusingly, I enjoyed cleaning the class so much in that dream. People who had known me long enough to realise, reality could never be farther than that absurd dream. Laugh, go on, laugh.

When I returned to my seat, I noticed my books were all over the place. My bag was, instead, stuffed with BROOMS and the handle of the brooms were sticking out of my poor pink bag like a porcupine. Simon, a good friend of mine whom I had known since primary 1 was the culprit! He splashed water at my pinafore then laughed mischievously. "Why are you reading medic books? We are just form 4 kids! NERD!!" he shouted (in the dream of course, Simon would never dare to do that to me in real life, unless he totally loses his senses or he decides to end his time in this realm earlier. I nerd, but I don't ALWAYS nerd as I slack through most of my secondary years, and no, I was not even slightly interested in those type of books) I did not shout back, or slap him, but quietly dug out the brooms and replaced my books, walked out of the class, weeping by myself. Maybe it was just too pathetic, the dream stopped there.

I could barely recall how my primary school life was like, other than being punished by the teachers almost every single day for doing total idiotic stuffs like gluing my palms together, making flowers using the belt on my uniform, fighting with my friends etc. I asked my mom later, if i always get bullied because I'm quite sure, I didn't bully people. Trust me. I was too small and skinny compared to peers of the same age when I was younger, it was almost impossible for me to be at the superior end of the bully spectrum.

My mom recalled, I was indeed the one being bullied, even up to Form 4. HAHA, I couldn't even remember that incident. It was a classmate of mine, name, starting with J, I'll keep his identity anonymous just in case he still feels embarrassed by that incident. My mom told me, I complained to her at the beginning of Form 4. Being the teacher in the same school and taught us before, she coincidentally met J and asked him "WHY YOU BULLY MY DAUGHTER?!" Haha..mother instinct acting. Of course, he was in the state of total denial!

Honestly, I could not remember a single thing about that. There are millions of funny moments during my secondary school years that I could no longer remember even when I had just left that school for 2 years. I only remember we all laughed a lot, it was like watching some comedy in school every single day. Too many had happened these 2 years, they had probably taken up all the memory space I have. Or maybe, those experiences were just too traumatic that my mind had chosen to forget, let go. However, there is one thing I was so sure of, J don't dare to bully me, at least since the mid-year of Form 4. Perhaps, it was due to the "promotion" I had in school. Bear in mind, to pick on someone of that rank in school was to put yourself in never-ending cycles of community service. Still, I believe, that wasn't the factor per se, if-you-bully-me-i-won't-lend-you-my-homework-anymore-then-you-will-die-when-teacher-finds-out was a bigger threat to him at that time. Haha!!

People change, really. J, Simon or any of those people that (may) have bullied me before, we are all still bunch of good friends now. All those dramas would just fade away in time, and all that is left are just topics to reminisce and laugh together at when we all grow up. If you are a nerd, just like I was, or I am (=.="), and you are not bullied, lucky you, grow as much as you can in your gift; but if you are sadly being pick on, teased, please, don't throw yourself in despair. Seek help if you need. Be bold and courageous! There's never anything wrong in having the ever-flaming passion in acquiring knowledge as long as you would use it to the wellness of people around and ultimately, to glorify God.

Trendy STALKER Parents

Hi Dad, Mom, I know you guys are reading this but whatever I will mention below, please don't scold me, I'm just...telling the plain truth. :P

My parents are the weirdest pair on earth. Many times, I just couldn't comprehend their mind. Here're a few examples:
Incident 1:
Normal Parents: "Eh! Tomorrow got exam right?! Go study! I send you to tuition!"
My parents: "Eh! Tomorrow got exam right?! Let's go to the beach to enjoy the sunset and de-stress. Want to go shopping? Aiyoooo, don't study liao! You want tuition? No, don't waste money, study on your own!"

Incident 2:
Normal parents: "This test must do good good a! Must get A a! If not..."
My parents: "Aiya, got pass already very good la!"

Incident 3:
Normal parents: "You want ipad?! Useless. No money. Don't need."
My Parents: "Nah, iPad, give you, with pink cover. *I rejected* WHY YOU DON'T WANT!!?? Take it!!! Oi! Take it!"

Incident 4:
And if you ever wonder why am I so hooked to my phone... the following photo should explain everything...
Cutest mom ever!

Incident 5:
During d'NA camp, my dad called...
"Hi, Daddy."
"How are you?"
"Ok ok lo.."
"... I'm in camp, dad."

Then I told mom about this,
"Ma, dad scolded me for not going on facebook during camps."
"YA LO, you didn't update!"
"Why should I update every day?!"
"So we would know you are alive!!!"

Please. Is there something wrong with me or my parents? I felt this is..utterly weird. Trust me, you think it's very fun, but I'm just plain confused most of the times - confused of whether to laugh or to cry. Nonetheless, thank God for my cool parents, I couldn't ask for more.
Please share with me your story if you have stalker/awfully cute/out-of-this-world parents too! :)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Phantom of the Opera - All I Ask Of You W/ LYRICS



You looked at a person sitting right in front of you for a second, then you looked down, not a special thought entered your mind, no special feelings.

Awkward silence for 5 seconds.

You started fumbling with the latest gadget in your palm. 3G's on, good. Let's go on facebook/twitter/blog/whatever social network. You saw your friend's latest photo on the screen then you started smiling by yourself with that pale, white light shone on your face.

You partner across the table looked at you. "What are you smiling at?"
You looked up for a second, "Oh, nothing. Just some photos. Let's take a photo so I can check in."
Both of you smiled at the camera.
Then you continued fumbling on that piece of aluminosilicate. Ah, be careful! You must be really gentle to this thing, not too hard on the screen or it may spoil the screen protector which cost bloody $25, or worse, it may break your swarovski manicure! You looked back on the screen, another funny 9gag photo.

"Oh quit smiling by yourself there! Eat your food!...."
"Shhh..." You put on your earplug, continue scrolling.

We rather focus our attention, offer our smiles and gentleness to the cold, emotionless machines than the people around. What is this?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


A superb book to recommend to ya all. :)
I was so amazed at how the author tried to counter the skepticism of people nowawdays - the people driven by spirit of REASONING - who tries to reason out every single phenomenon on the surface. 
It's in a Q&A form which the "A" is super long of course and answers questions like "Is there God?", "Explain Miracles", "Is Jesus just a prophet or Son of God?", "Why does God allow sufferings", "Explain the Darwinian Theory and link Science and Christianity.", "What makes Christianity so different from other religions?!" etc etc. I've asked many among these questions before, some, I have yet to ask, but I'm sure I'll encounter them myself soon (others asking me, me asking myself).
The arguments are really solid, concrete, rock-hard, jaw-dropping. Simply amazed.
Timothy Keller is a pastor and founder of Redeemer Presbyterian Church at Manhattan. 
Read it, if you happen to find it and be amazed! :D 


I just turned 19, 3 days ago! Weee~ :D 


RIP to the title "Me, myself and I", named when this blog was first founded in year 2006.
That title seemed a bit..."out of my age now" and I don't feel comfortable blogging about myself any more. It's not that I have found my personality and settled with it. I'm still seeking but life is more and people revolving around me. Besides, I'm more inclined of talking about thoughts than only reporting about certain incidents nowadays. 
With thoughts, born speech then action. 
This blog will now grow from "actions" to "Thought, Speech and Action".
Happy Reading!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Identity Crisis

I wonder if any of you out there have ever watched "Bridesmaid"? prob macho guys out there would just turn down this movie once they've seen the title and won't give it a second thought, but girls?

I've been thinking a lot lately,  (yes, i do posses the ability to "think" too, just...not that developed, yet.) and..I'm afraid of so many "what-if"s that may/may not happen. Those scenes in "Bridesmaids" are like metaphors, a warning of what may happen in the future. I confessed in a camp recently that I'm afraid of the future. It's glaringly obvious to every one around me and if you haven't notice that, I guess that's a perfect answer to the question of the subtle "why?" in "How did you do that?!"

Yes, that's how scared I am all these while.

Afraid of failure is a failure in itself but from whom does failure comes?

Just to quote "The best thing of reaching the bottom is, it's time to bounce back up." Beautiful, isn't it? But to face the bottom. I guess that happens, the pain, the sorrow of losing or afraid of losing something or someone happens put too much hope, love, time, effort, literally your whole LIFE into it. It was until the point that, you've enslaved yourself to it. When you lose the person/thing, you've lose your identity. puff, you're gone. end of story. period.

Are you really who you are? Or are your work? your partner? your friends? your talent? your wealth, fame...? When people address you, how do they do it? "So-and-so, oh, a smart person! brilliant student! multi-talented!" WHOA! but what if you have to give up all of those one day, when you are no longer YOUR-CAREER or YOUR-FAMILY?

No, of course I'm not telling you to abandon your loved ones but the point I'm trying to make here is, what are you building your identity on? Isn't it something that you worship?

"You should worship the one who is worthy of your worship."

Who am I?

p/s: "Cast Away" (2000) is a movie I cried so hard when I was watching. Precedent to none, of no successor. oh well, maybe "marley and me" came close. A scene in "Bridesmaid" reminded me of that... :')

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Love and Freedom

When we talk about love, any form of it, the warm, bubbly, lovey-dopey images pop out. When we talk about human rights and freedom, how religion impeding our humanity, violent, protest and demonstrations come to mind. Now, link love and freedom. These 2 elements do not fuse together but have horribly yet beautifully trespassed the borders of each's private realm...  

Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. 
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; 
avoid all entanglements; 
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. 
But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. 
It will not be broken; 
it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. 
The alternative to tragedy, 
or at least to the risk of tragedy, 
is damnation. 
- C.S.Lewis

You yearn for freedom, and may I ask you what kind of freedom are you searching for? Why are you trying so hard to attain total freedom? The pursuit of happiness, perhaps. And that, don't you obviously felt it - the pure joy - when you met the love of your life, or whenever you are with him/her? Allow me to ask you again, having achieved that joy, have you achieved total freedom? that liberty you've been fighting for day and night? Then why o why, my friend, are you condemning Christ for limiting your freedom of growth and development? Isn't that also a kind of love - the complete one?

Friday, November 11, 2011

Uni application

is a slow-killing process. If I were to be put in the place of reapplying everything again, just kill me, or I'll suicide. Oh well, at least I have one week left till 10 months of freedom. I'll be patient with all these annoyance.

Monday, November 07, 2011

"Do not pick her up..."

I have been promoted to "aunt" very recently, instead of always "the youngest one" because my brother just had his first daughter and also the first next generation child in our family! 
The mashimaro face. -_- 

Angela Wong
The sad thing is i won't be able to see her in real life until the earliest will be next Janurary. (meanwhile I'm still stuck here in west malaysia. urgh.) She would have grown very big by then but the good thing is, I can play with her for a year during my "gap year", hopefully, she will remember the existence of this aunty in her life when she grow up, instead of "The aunty who is still studying while I will start my school next year and I always see her on facebook photos and the one who send postcards from somewhere else." That will be really sad and that's what happened to me before, with one of my aunt who was studying in NZ when I was just a toddler. We share no memories at all for that period of time except for the photos she sent though she said when i was a few months old, she practically saw me every day. And week after her birth, my brother and sister-in-law are having a really hard time taking care of her and totally sleep deprived. New parents...typical, i guess.

This reminds me of a story I have heard before, it's about a pair of new parents too. The newborn was a very active child, she needed constant attention and care. Her parents have to take turns to attend to her every minute of the day or else she would cry really loud. This continued on for a year. As if her cries were not enough for them to take, they have to be cautious to prevent further nuisance from the neighbours too (with number of child abuse cases elevating lately, it's hard not to suspect anything when your neighbour's child is crying non-stop). The new parents were determined to find a solution to end this. To end this, killing the child, is obviously, not an option. Nor does suffocating her with a. They love her, more than anything else. Besides, they were not interested to be on the headline of the newspaper about homicides. They were just tired and desperate. They sat down and talked...
The baby started wailing. They checked on her: she was fed only 15 minutes ago, the diaper was clean, she was not sleeping before this so it could not have been a nightmare, no other possible causes to the cry. Both turned away instantly and sat the the couch at the other end of the baby room, staring at the baby. The baby saw them sitting there and cried even louder. Which mother's heart would not soften upon hearing her baby's cry? The mother stood up after 10 seconds, reaching the baby.

"We've talked about this. Sit down," the father said.
"But, she's crying so loudly. Maybe she really needs something,"
"We've checked right? We both now know what's going on, so please sit down,"
"Sit down, woman, do not pick her up." 

Finally the mother sat down. The scene may seemed helpless but that's the only solution.

I could not understand the story at first. i mean, why are the parents so cruel?! THEIR BABY IS CRYING FOR GOODNESS SAKE PICK HER UP AND GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS (and to shut her up). Later, i found out the reason. Since they have check through every possible causes for the cry, she's absolutely fine and healthy, it could be another reason: she's purposely putting up a show for extra attention. 

It may not be so suitable for every parent to do that to their child, because you will never know what else the child needs at that moment (he may be having breathing difficulties? or some pain? he is just crying to tell you since he has no ability to talk) but I find it rather applicable to adults. When we meet failures, it is good to have loved ones around to comfort her and help us wrap our wounds up. That way we can stand up faster and ready to take on the world again. But..sometimes, i do not know if this is true or proven psychologically, we are craving for attention from others, there's no other valid reasons to ask for more attention so...we create a scenario to "ask for it". The best way: To be in a tragedy and wait for the "rescue". We get used to it and eventually, addicted to the attention given. So, we repetitively dive into boiling water and subconsciously, crave for failures. 

I know this sounds very wrong but think about it, why not? This is a lesson I learnt from my parents. They love me of course, but they want me to learn to be independent, to be strong until it is well beyond my capabilities to handle the situation. Therefore, whenever I cry or complain, they listen, they give advices, but they rarely solve the problem for me. I have to do it myself. The harder the situation is, the less they would be involved directly. It's the same as the "do not pick her up" situation, to prevent my addiction towards getting the unnecessary attentions. 

How could I ever repay them? Thank you, Dad and Mom. 

p/s: and thank you for visiting me at this crucial period. <3

Friday, October 28, 2011

Random #13

What doesn't God just reveal His plans for each one of us at the beginning? ._.?

The situation I am in now is so similar to the days I was having SPM. The fear and uncertainty. History repeating itself? First as a tragedy, second as farce. Hopefully, not a tragedy. and thank God for the angels who stay beside me at times like this.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Good reads for the month

Complications: A Surgeon's Note on an Imperfect Science.
An interesting book on a surgeon's experience in many cases from the deadly necrozing faciitis, nausea, obesity, uncertainties in Medicine and so much more. Recommended! (for peeps who are interested in this field.) To get a better picture of Part III: Uncertainties in this book, I suggest to read this book then continue to "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. There are parts which are inter-related.
To the person who gave me this book: sorry for reading this slow. good things must be enjoyed slowly. btw, it was a bit technical but definitely well-written. thanks! :) 
Brain Matters: Adventures of a Brain Surgeon

This book burnt a hole in my wallet. RM94.50 (hardcover) but it was worth the money. Similar to the previous book, this book has included many cases of complicated brain surgeries, but in a more witty manner. I was reading it during dinner time one day at the part where a patient from rural area got infections in his brain until maggots are crawling all over. *vomit* Just another random fact: Do you know the texture of a damaged brain is like toothpaste? When you drill a hole on the skull, built-up pressure will "squeeze" you brain out.... O.O haha...

Ah, this book was on 50% discount in MPH when I bought it. only @RM25(paperback)! Most important question: Does it work? depends. The effect is immediate and obvious for me but only on story books and not text books. WAI!!!?? haha. 

Not much time to read non-academic related books this month due to the massive workload. "mini library" in Subang is full now, am moving back to Sarawak soon anyway but the problem is: HOW TO MOVE ALL THESE BOOKS BACK? *Headache* 

p/s: notice that I've blogged more frequently this month? To kill the anxiety! AAA! Tomorrow's THE DAY.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Back to home-base's library

Be considerate a bit, can o not?

Random #12

The past few months have been so packed with activities that every night when I lie down I would fall asleep immediately. Just a random thought, I wonder what will happen after finals, next year when I have nothing particularly important to do. Will I just lie on te couch and watch tv every day? My brain will rust after a week I think. Sedentary lifestyle is never my cup of tea. Too much time, nothing also need to worry...haha. I wonder what will my other classmates do. Any suggestionss? :p

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Law Books

The perfect choice to eliminate visual distractions.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Finally, done with the last session of bible study for the year. It was quite a journey, I would say. From discussing which book to study, to our first meeting in Baker's Cottage, changing of venues, changing of members and even until the changing of the book we were doing, from John to James. Not to forget, the occasional inter-faith sharing of ideas. I do not perceive the "inability" to finish the Book of John as a failure. John is a very long book, to start with and we only have a year. Next, it may appear to be very literal, straight-forward at first, but as we went through some of the chapters, it has proven to be much more than that. Hence I believe there are so much more in the Bible, waiting to be discovered, if only, we are willing to read it, and not just stop there, but to STUDY it. ( The knowledge of the secrets of the Kingdom of God has been given to you, but to the rest it comes by means of parables, so that they may look but not see, and listen but not understand. - Luke 8:10) So yea, we, (or at least for me) have learnt to read beyond what the words literally meant, but not in a twisted kind of way of course. All those questions, answers, long-pauses during our studies have made me ponder a lot more, and many moments, I was in awe of how God, through the authors are trying to convey His messages to us. Not just any message, but the message to eternal life, to be closer to Him and the absolute, truth and answers to all our prayers. Therefore, I would not say the "effort" to finish John was in vain, rather, a fruitful one as well.

We changed to the Book of James after 6 months because out of the three of us left (Yuen, Nicholas and I), 2 of us will be finishing our course in Taylor's, just so to "finish a book", we have decided to change to James, a shorter book yet very concise and practical, easily applicable to our daily life. From having a confident stand in chapter 1, to compassionate service, careful speech, contrite submission and finally, a warning for wealthy and finding comfort in the words of a just, compassionate and merciful Judge that is coming, this book has indeed in many ways challenged and made me "think twice" of my faith in my Saviour. Is my faith genuine? Am I a hypocrite? Is my submission to Him complete? For whom/what purpose am I praying for? And the highlight of almost all sessions, pride. It is also through this type of "independent" bible study group, I have seen how hard is it to maintain the dynamic and the consistency of studying the Word together week after week after week, even when we all have other commitments and dead tired after classes every Tues/Weds/Thurs afternoon. No time? Learn to make time for God! 
(Thank you very much, Chun Chung for facilitating us all the while.)

Milk, is the first and sole food for most newborns. Babies just wail, open their mouth and wait to be fed. They depend on it for survival, yet they do not know the importance of it. As they grow up, only then they would realise, milk is what keeps them alive and they can never wait to be fed for the rest of their life. They have to learn to search for food, ask for it and feed themselves, or the consequence may prove to be fatal. Same goes to our spiritual life. When we first hear the gospel of the Lord and believed, we were spiritual newborns. We depended on our "spiritual parents", pastors and elders of the church to tell us more about the Good News. All the advice, nags and sermons may seem redundant at first, because we do not understand it (good for you if you were aware of your thirst for this wisdom even at the very beginning). We listened, we learnt even if we were under force or obligations (eg, dragged to Sunday School). Then, we grew up, bit by bit until we realised the importance of the Word and have the urge of wanting to know more about the Father, like a child wanting to grow up. Though, spiritual growth is harder than physical one. It can be easily stunted, or worse, reversed. Of course, our faith, the faith of a worthless sinner, may waver many times under trials and temptations, but "perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:4) That one day, we can finally meet our Creator, not as a foolish little kid who may have a great philosopher in front of him yet laugh disrespectfully at his weird-looking beard, but as a servant who yearns to worship God forever. 

It is almost the end of college. The following weeks, rather than a died-down, cooling period to all these hussle and bussle of my vibrant, eventful college life, I would rather say it is the peak instead. An abrupt stop after that? perhaps. It may not be glorious, glamorous in other people's eyes, nor a smooth-sail as I presumed it to be, but because I was more unprotected, "suffered" more than my previous high school times, I have learnt to rely not on anyone, or anything, but solely on God. This lesson is of course, not done yet, and it will most probably take a lifetime to be completed but yea, I believe this is a peek of it. 

As I have endeavoured to put my college life into His hands, I will continue to do so to for my future. It is to thy will, my Lord. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Ecclesiastes 3

  There is a time for everything,    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.
  What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
  Whatever is has already been,
   and what will be has been before;
   and God will call the past to account.
  And I saw something else under the sun:
   In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
   in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
  I said to myself,
   “God will bring into judgment
   both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
   a time to judge every deed.”
  I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”
  So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

I shall not make any long-winded comment on this chapter. Gained comforting, priceless personal message from God. Posting it here as a personal reminder for the future as of how this chapter once meant so much to me and to share to my dear readers, who have randomly stumbled here.

p/s: it has been long since I last played a proper piano. Was so determined to "revitalise" my rusty skills (and partly to de-stress), played 4 sonatina pieces in a row. (Tone-deaf currently but fortunately my sight-reading skill is still "boleh tahan", eh sight reading skill very important for lazy people who do not practise regularly kay!!! *guilty*) Wrist-ache now but feeling very satisfied. Picking up piano again for my gap year? Perhaps. :) still, i wonder why did I hated piano lessons so much last time?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Random #11

I only talk politely to the people I do not relate well with. :(
and I do not understand why some people can be so cold-blooded. bugger.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Reflections below the red moon

There are some people who are present in your life for a moment, yet leave very long-lasting impacts. They came in quietly that you would not have foreseen these people will actually have any significant influence in you except that you guys chat on FB occasionally, then you ended up did not finish your homework for the day (if you consider that as...significant, then fine.) . As time goes by, you reflect upon your social life and how much you have grown, and "BAM" only then you realise these people, even with their mediocrity, have slowly creep into your life, erode your principles and turn you into something that you would have never imagined yourself to be. And though they may not be physically there anymore, their comments and beliefs leeched into your mind, taking up gigabytes of your memory and exhausting your RAM. (ah stop these gibberish talk) It can either be positive or negative changes, but never neutral. Thank God, when I close my eyes and reflect, I see people that had mould and twist my personality into something else, something Better.

I pray, many times God answered quite instantly. Very blessed, I know. However, we were having another bible study that day, probably the second last for me, on James chapter 4. "Ye ask, and receive not, because ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts..." (verse 3) I thought, true, of the many times we ask from God, He answered, what about the millions times that we prayed and those prayers are not answered? Is God intentionally ignoring us? Or is He enjoying the sight of us, mortals, suffering in turmoil down here? Through that verse, clearly, He is always listening and always present. We pray for knowledge, wisdom and GOOD GRADES, but deep down, for whom? If it is to feed our own pride, why on earth that should God encourages that? Pride will only turn us away from Him! Good grades, good grades...who is it for?

Please, grant me a heart that unceasingly longs for You.

p/s: Bloody red moon seems very scary, reminds me of "the sun will be darkened and the moon will turn red as blood, before the great and glorious Day of the Lord comes." I wonder if it has anything to do with the haze....

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Heart of Life - John Mayer

Weep no more. You are not obliged to do stuffs that you do not enjoy. If you do not like what you are doing, stop doing it or else do not complain, for you have chosen it yourself, to not solve the problem the one you like. There are definitely multiple ways to solve a problem. Just ask, and you shall receive. :D  


28 days till BMAT. 16 days till my finals. 15 days till Camb interview. Have been working so hard lately, for too long I guessed, I see the need to "slack" for these 2 days. Yes, the need to slack. Maybe I was moving too fast for too long or pushing too hard, relaxing for a while feels odd to me. I know i should not be slowing down now, not with all those BIG DAYS just around the corner but maybe, i just need a rest.

Sometimes, there's something better than a sleep to rest. Sleep does replenish your physical need for energy but I find hiding under the comforter, reading a non-academic, good book, hugging a soft toy at quiet night like this, does the rejuvenation trick better on me, mentally. (Thanks for my room mate for going off for her holiday, now i have no one to pillow talk to. :( Faster come back.) Some music made the ambiance even better. A little pause at reading. Ah...threw those worries behind for a while and happy, sweet memories with special people in my life flashed through my mind.

I tend to rush things in my daily life. Every single thing. Walking, talking, doing my work. When the efficiency of certain matter/people does not meet my expectation, I tend to get very upset. Only at times like this, when the pace is deliberately slowed down, I find there is indeed no need to rush. Patience. To love, give, help, and expect no return, at all.

It is only at times like this, I reflect and remind myself of the purpose of working so hard all along. Then, procrastination, fatigue and anxiety will be eroded and be replaced by motivations to work. refreshed.

I is happy. :)

Monday, October 10, 2011

Abraham Verghese: A doctor's touch | Video on

An inspiring speech about modern medicine. It profoundly addressed the dehumanisation of modern medicine as technology advances. Have you ever wondered what happened to the cold doctor-patient interaction nowadays? Have you ever been in a situation whereby you have waited for 2 hours in a clinic, yet when it is finally your turn, your doctor just look at your wound/injury for a minute while listening to your complains, scribble some notes onto a paper and the consultation ends? It is true that technology advancement had made major contributions to the medical field, and is continuing to do so. This has made many incurable diseases being cured in much shorter, painless and efficient ways. However, this too might have contributed to the "check-box doctors with a heart of stone" syndrome nowadays. Treatments should be patient-centered, catering not only to their physical needs but also their emotional demands.

Doctors are, unarguably, the highly-respected group in the society since the beginning of Medicine until today. However, with so many other new "careers" emerging, it seems that a doctor's role can be easily replaced by others. Doctors "fix" human body with the assistance of computers and high-end machines like CAT scan and MRI. So do an engineer or mechanic, designs and fixes systems in plants with the assistance of computers and machines.  Doctors are involve in on-going researches and studies. They discuss and debate about controversial ethical issues. Doctors also discover cures for some infectious diseases and win awards. However, a bio-medical researcher also deals with human body by constantly working in the lab, repeating the same experiment for thousands of times, collecting and analysing data, and more often than not, discover a cure for a deadly, epidemic infectious diseases, subsequently win the Nobel Prize. Doctors, not so special anymore? With the number of medical schools increasing at such alarming rate (I personally do not think that increment is good), almost any one can be a doctor now, just like any one of other occupations can switch to be a doctor, after training of course. Yet, can every one be a good doctor? No, the key point that differentiate good doctors from all other careers is: Doctors heal needy SOULS, not objects.

"I will always, always, always be there. I will see you through this. I will never abandon you. I will be with you through the end."
-Abraham Verghese

p/s: I can't help being impressed by Bell's teacher and the Sherlock Holmes part. O.O

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Random #10

Seriously, why waste time entertaining people who does not appreciate you as who you are? Why waste time on people who do not "walk the talk"? Why hang on to those empty promises? Forgive and forget. :)

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Random #9

Following the emo post "Warmth", I have received much "warmth" from friends all around. Thank you so much. However, like I have said at the end of that post, I have recovered from the shock and I was never in the state of being depressed nor going into depression any soon. Yes, I was stressed, but stressed is different from depressed. Failures like that are bound to happen once in awhile, it was only that I did not post every single one of them here. There are times when I weep quietly by myself and times when I keep those mistakes inside. However, for whichever way I chose to handle them, there is one thing for sure: I do not reject failures. Fear not of failing and acknowledge every single mistake you have made but try not to repeat the same mistake. If that happens, it means there are lessons still to be learned. They also serve as reminders for me not to slack in my comfort zone for too long.  Life is a great teacher and undoubtedly, it has proven me through many ways that it is. It has its own way of teaching us to grow. Though I am young, though I may be reckless and careless many times, but I am still learning. All I can say is, pardon me for my mistakes. I promise not to intentionally repeat them again.

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Does this picture look extremely familiar to you? I mean, to every girl who ever dreamed of becoming a princess one day, and when people asked you about your ambition, you didn't bluntly answer,"I want to be a doctor/teacher etc etc!" instead you screamed,"I am a princess and when I grow up, I will marry a prince and we will live happily ever after together in a castle!!!" *then dance around and wave at the entrance of some imaginary ball* sidetrack a while, my parents and i were having breakfast at some dimsum restaurant this morning and there were two toddlers at the next table. They were yelling for no obvious reasons and banging their plastic plates with forks, yet their parents acted like it's zero decibels there. Talking about inner peace! I bet no one could beat them. So I asked my parents,"I know I'm a monster when I was young, but was I far worse than that? If I was, I am really sorry," "No, you were quiet most of the time, sitting at a side, but the story was completely different when you were left alone at home," this explains why my mom was so deseparate to get me babysit last time. Ok, back to the topic. I could not recognise this at all when I first saw the picture. After moment of "deep" thoughts, the cheek muscles pulled the side of my lips up by themselves. Sticker earrings!!! Tho they look almost identical to the iPhone buttons that are in very high demand of the market currently, these objects, which now seem worthless to many of us, were actually objects I treasured more than gold during the days before pre-school. I would count the number of stickers on my board, hid it in a safe place before I went out to play with my neighbours' kids and when i returned, i would rush to my secret place to ensure my precious collections are safe. Not only these, I had also collected erasers, red packets, coins, stamps, soft toys (until my mom threw them away because these furry friends kept triggering asthma attacks on me) and I guess the most disgusting collection are the deciduous teeth collection. (My own, of course) Some of them are rotten, some in perfect condition and some with weird marks on it. Each representing a hope that the tooth fairy really does exist and slip into my room to replace the teeth with money. I think they are still in my drawers till today. Reminiscing how I used to envy my elder sister and cousins for having the permission to pierce their ear and to wear those shinny, dangling earrings, I looked into the mirror and suddenly realised how big I have actually grown. To have the autonomy over my own body, to pierce any part I like, to wear heals and pretty dresses that actually fit properly, to travel to any destination I like, to enjoy the company of people...
in short, to embrace this world in my own way.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Random #8

Test my patience no more. It has been exhausted. Please take some initiatives to work this thing out if you are sincere before I declare, you are out of my life.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Random #7

When panic, I bite the skin around my fingers (not nails). And I bit them until 4 out of 10 fingers bled. damn.


"For every bad thing that happens, it will bring equal or greater benefits." quoted from one of the book I was reading for the past weeks. When I was reading that particular line, I was standing below a big tree with lots of birds. Who would have ever thought, "some-dont-know-good-or-bad luck" decided to fall on me. The bird poop slipped passed my fringe and dropped on that page. "Oh gosh...." I thought, "And how will this bring any good?" (Friends might be able to recall i posted a similar status on FB few weeks ago)

And indeed, today I had learned invaluable lessons. The price paid was extremely high, the opportunities lost were even greater. I was supposed to go for Damansara for UKCAT today, paid 100 pounds beforehand. Scan through the receipt email. Took a metred taxi and went over. The taxi driver was a headache, I am not sure if he really don't know the way, or is he faking it just to earn that few ringgits more, he kept on going the "wrong way" and making u-turns. The journey which originally would have take only 30 minutes ended to be an hour long HOLAN drive. But, I sort of expected this would happen, so I started off early and reached right on time.

There I was, in front of this huge building, totally clueless of where on earth I was then. Hence, I just "act brave" and marched into the building, registered as a visitor and went to the test centre. While I was in the lift on the way up, I had an uneasy feeling inside. I must have missed out something, I should have checked what should I bring before coming, something's wrong... But resolved to dismiss those negative, unnecessary thoughts as pure anxiety before a test that I would have no idea how to complete.

Horror of horrors, once I opened the door leading into the test centre, the woman there greeted me with a question that totally stunned me, "Passport?" WHAT PASSPORT?! "You have to produce an original, current, fine copy of passport to be able to take the test." WTH?! I have no idea we have to bring passport! I know I have to bring the receipt and an identification document (in this case, i thought MYKAD will do just fine since I'm in malaysia), but PASSPORT?! It's 1.30pm and my test would start at 2pm. It's impossible now to rush back and reach here in time to take the test. I pleaded her a few times, "You just need the passport to verify my identity right? I have ic and the receipt here. I am Christine Wong." "No, sorry, I must have your passport." Then I pleaded few more times for her "mercy" to let me in. She totally ignored me after giving me the testing company's number. I was stunned. There was no way I could talk this through with her, ignoring me like this. I called the company, busy. busy. busy. I was so shocked, speechless and the time was 2pm already.

I walked out of the tower, stood under the sun by the roadside. Frozen despite the blazing sun and heat, immobile and wondered what to do next. I was literally muted for about 10 minutes. You know what was i thinking during all that 10 minutes? The fear of not being able to get into any UK university, ever. I thought about this before, but what I was thinking at that moment was, is it really coming true? Oh, I am such a failure. So dumb. So careless, as usual. I don't deserve all the good stuffs that happened to me before, someone out there deserve this more than me. This is all my own fault.

I called my mom. I messaged Wei Jie, told him about it. I called my dad, who fortunately arrived just on time to fetch me and rushed back to college placement centre. I was panicking and my sight was getting blurred. Hold it back, dont cry, hold it. Ran to placement centre, met Si Ming outside. (Thank God for her being there) Then, we started calling the UKCAT, test centre and so many other people for help and begged for a reschedule. I can not lose this chance of applying to my insurance universities. Without UKCAT, I can only apply to the other 2 universities of which are both almost unattainable. The stakes are too high to let go. I could not hold it back anymore and straight away broke into tears. Lilian and her colleagues at the placement centre were really trying their best to help me, so was my dad. Every one was calling like mad as a consequence of my carelessness. It lasted for like 3 hours. I cried, stop and started crying again while Si Ming kept cheering me up and gave me hugs. Is this the selfish side of human, sacrificing others' time in order to make their OWN dreams come true and achieve their OWN goals? I talked to the UKCAT staffs, again and again, begging for the chance. (Yes, beg for a chance.)

"I am really sorry, but this is our policy. I can not do anything to help you. Thank you and bye bye," the woman on the other side of the phone said. My heart sunk. I looked at the people around me who were so helpful through the whole afternoon but I did not feel sad anymore, I felt this sense of relieved instead (though the disappointment was still there). I felt like I am the luckiest person on earth. I was being well-protected all these years by my loved ones, or even mere acquaintances. Yes, I was grateful for what I have, however, it was not from my heart. Suddenly, I realised, despite being such a cold-blooded animal all these while, God blessed me so much with these angels around. I lost the opportunity (though later i found out, not the whole of it), but I have adopted a very different perspective of human behaviour, a more humane demeanour. To be a human, and not a working machine. Besides, I had a practical lesson on "To Never Give Up" by Lillian and Si Ming. I had finally know what do people mean by "to fight until the last drop of blood". And that little bear as a token of encouragement by other staff at the placement (million apologies for forgetting to ask for her name), I will hug it to sleep every night. :)

In the late afternoon, Ms Hew called me to her room immediately. I was so afraid that she would scold me for being so dumb AGAIN. So i cleared my nose and wiped away those eyes, took a deep breath and walked into her room. Be prepared, ;( "Hello, Ms Hew. Do you have something to tell me?" Coarse and trembling voice. Timid me. To my surprise, "Yes, please sit down dear," she hurried me to a seat, "What happened? I heard....." Then I started the whole story until I could not longer hold back my tears any more and once again, cried, there, in the vice principal's room. She was so kind, patient and tender despite all the workload and burdens thrown on her and piled on her desk. She encouraged, talked and cheered me up and finally motivated me to be greater and stronger. Just the 2 of us, in that empty office, well after 5pm as setting sun shone through the window. Another great soul in that small figure!

Just as I walked out the office, my mentor saw me with those puffy eyes and red nose. Garh, why did he have to see me in such devastated state? He has always seen me in my best condition with the winner's smile, a sociable person with satisfying academic results and millions of untapped potentials waiting to be discovered. And now this? He looked at me and I could sense his empathy for me. I tried my very best to stop crying and told him "I'm fine, sir, don't worry, I'm ok, stop looking at me like that," But i really could not stop crying, he said nothing at all. I repeated those words again and again. He patted me on the shoulder and said, "Stay strong, k? Stay strong."

I walked to the collaboration room, met a few classmates. More heart-warming words of encouragement, verbally or through sms. I had never felt this "loved" since quite a long while ago. A classmate (you know who you are :D ) even sent cake to my house while I was out, just to cheer me up.

Being in this college for almost 2 years, I had always perceived it as a cold, lonely place full of work maniacs. But today, just before the last week of college, I had witnessed a different side of this place and the people in it.

Though we failed, we have all tried our best and I prayed hard throughout the whole process. God listened to my prayer, I have no doubt at all in that. He just have a different plan for me. Now that He has closed this door, I trust with all my heart that He will open another GREATER path for me. I just have to continue to have faith in Him and continue to glorify His name, according to His will.

Note to myself:
1. Life's a roller-coaster ride. Enjoy it!
2. I'm a challenge-addict.
3. I have recovered and will continue to fight this battle.

Indeed, for every bad thing that happens, it will bring equal or greater benefits. Have faith.

p/s: Melodramatic much. :(

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Preps, preps, preps.

Answer all questions. Time allocated: 15 minutes
1. How's it going? [20 marks]
Life is great. Many tests, exams and interviews coming up, all requiring massive amount of readings, memory space and energy. A2, BMAT, UKCAT, Interviews...and who knows what else is going to pop out. Thank God trials was over and my results are, not bad, (hallelujah ~!) but definitely not SATISFYING (to me at least :p) AT ALL. (greed) Of course, I could excuse myself for not doing enough revision due to UCAS and other university application matters, but then again, there is no purpose of putting such excuse. It's done. It's not good enough, means I just did not do well enough, nothing else to put the blame on but *points at self* me. *sigh*

2. Now that you are a super senior, tell me, is Sem 3 awesome? [20 marks]
Yea, I complain a lot, bear with me, that's my only entertainment and way to release stress now. Heh. Enough with those negative thoughts. Semester 3 is literally crazy. My classmates and I were recalling our semester 1 life few days ago during our mid-autumn festival dinner. How i miss those days! Slacking in class, playing pranks, shopping and adventures after classes, trips to other towns on weekends, celebrations after celebrations for no purpose... yet, we still ended up with superb results. ;) But the story is completely different now. Daily shot of caffeine in the morning to keep oneself awake in class, heads to library straight after class ends and do revision until midnight. 8 hours of sleep is a luxury, and what about facebook? Those mere seconds in between classes. Shopping? Adventures? Games? Pranks? Try any of it, you better prepare some super strong stimulants to trade your sleeping/eating/micturating (a new word learnt while nerding just now) time for studies, or else, DIE!!!! just be mentally prepared. Oh forget it, you will do well. :)

3. And those admission tests? [20 marks]
I seriously have no idea how to go through them. The fees are bloody expensive. What to do? Just pray and keep the optimistic thinking going on lo. *I can do it! I can do it! I can do it? Can I do it? Do what?*

4. Give a brief summary of your holiday. [20 marks]
My sis. We do somehow look a bit bit similar right? right?
This is how you spell FATNESS
Just had my 2 weeks holiday and I did not go back to Sarawak though I must admit, it was really eventful! First was GMSJ Camp (which i love the workshops very much and met lots of interesting people in my church whom i have never talked to before despite being there for 2 years now), then marathon movie day, then Singapore (not much shopping, but enjoyed a relaxing and very-stomach-filling trip), then enjoyed couple days of being solitude then TMUN. Many stuffs happened during this conference, which is technically my second conference, and my last conference in TAYMUN (hopefully not MUN), met even more people. I have never been socialising this much since long time ago. We debated about human trafficking which as usual, i have no idea what i was talking about most of the time. Though, it was very interesting because it is an above-18
conference, the level of maturity of the content
during the debate shown by all the delegates in HRC were very impressive. I have never seen delegates really trying to solve a problem by negotiating and cracking their heads to find solutions like a real delegate before. (though i have never seen a real delegate, imagination!! :P) But yea, we were really trying to find new ways of resolving issues, not just copying from what UN has got, rather refer and improvise. Enjoyed a night of dancing at the Republic and also the Party Mixer. Completely embarrassed myself by receiving my awards on stage with mouth full of noodles, nuggets... luckily no photos were taken.

TMUN 2011 UNHRC Committee

5. Describe your current life. [20 marks]
Look at the image in the mirror, what do you see? A nerd. Yes. A lifeless nerd. But who cares?! I do not mind being a nerd for the next 2 months even if that means I have to study 24/7 because I am gonna have a "gap year" after that!! WOOHOO!!!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Random #6

1. 1 cup of coffee a day 
2. Music 

keep the snoozes away when studying. super bad for health. 

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Changed plans

Lately, there have been lots of photos from my friends on facebook about their new uni life. Canada, UK, Australia, Ireland...everywhere. It keeps me thinking, how funny and surprising life can be?

My initial plan after Form 5 was to get into any Australia Uni (which I was truly satisfied with that at that moment) and finish my degree as soon as possible then get a job and earn money, get married, start a family, raise kids then die. Even the first step was, not to say wrong, but did not go according to plans. I was not admitted into the University of Queensland (just for the record) into the faculty of dentistry using my sucky forecast results. There was only 2 places for international students from all over the world. Oh well. Then my education adviser asked me to consider about SAM. I have never thought I would be continuing my studies in West Malaysia before, just give it a try, might be an adventure. Hopefully by the end of that year, i could then go back to my initial plan, go to Australia, finish my degree as soon as possible then get a job.......

Then another changed of plan occur when my results was out. I was supposed to go to Dublin, Ireland. After that my path was...altered again. yadayadayada...lots of stories. Anyway, I saw my friends in Dublin, starting their first year in MBBS and thought, I was supposed to be there right? I was suppose to leave this place within a year right? And why am I still nearing 2 years already? What happened to my plan????

Indeed, God has His own plans and we could do nothing to change that. This 2 years have been 2 most remarkable years of my 19 years life. I have met lots more types of people than i would ever imagine, had my personality twisted again and again (now still trying to settle down), tossed here and there, been through many events that somehow affected me intellectually, emotionally and not to forget, spiritually. Time can really change things. I always thought, what can 1 more year change? That's why I chose SAM over CAL, because I do not see the difference, but now I do. That 1 more year, showed and taught me many lessons that I believe would prepare me better for my future. "Why rush in to the working sphere?" I used to replied in a rather annoyed manner, "Because I want to earn money lah!!! study so much for what?!" But now, I realise that is not entirely the case. Yes, finishing the degree fast can free you into the working sphere and earn money but am I really ready to work? Without being properly equipped with strong foundations and certain state of maturity, I will be not be a "good enough" person to make significant contributions to the field of my interest, but..just another work force. I do not mean "just another work force" is totally bad, they do contribute to our society, they are the elements that keep our society going and our nation developing. But, why, when God blesses you with the gift of looking beyond that, you choose to hide away? Live it up for His glory!

This 2 years have showed me, I can be more than just what I thought I would be, of course, with God's grace (or else I would still worth nothing more than a grain of sand). It has also taught me to humble myself under all circumstances. It has taught me, life is not written like the conventional drama scripts, nor it should be the same for everyone. There is not certain model/textbook to follow, we can be as unique as we like, whether in work or relationships. That is why we should not compare. One should not blame his environment for his own blindness. There's still many opportunities out there waving, how can I shut my doors and pretend not to see them? How can I just hide and continue with my initial plan? No....there's much more in life to be discovered. Since 2 years can have such great impact on me, why then, should I not look forward for the upcoming years of studies?

Now, at least 6 years more? Bring it on. :)

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Recipe to get me stressed

It is not that hard.
1. Let me skip 2 meals
2. Cut off all my supplies of drinking water.

Success rate: 99.99999%

@.@ *sigh*

Monday, September 05, 2011

Leisure reads

I bought this book at a book fair recently at only RM19.90, discounted price. It's hard cover! :D
I'm sure many of you have heard about Paulo Coelho before. I'm still..somewhere in the middle. It does not start well, as in, did not really grab my attention in the beginning. So, was reading in a very very lagging pace. Then it started to get really interesting somewhere 100. It's about how people always wanted fame, power and wealth in life, about winningall the time, until the extend of willing to kill to achieve your goals. (This is the part which it talks about the amazing martial arts of Russians by killing with only a grip on the shoulder with a bare hand by pressing on the jugular vein and thus blocking the blood flow to the brain.Victim dies within 7 seconds. O.o) It amazes me in such a way that, it mirrors the reality of life so precisely. For instance, in the list of 46 items which is considered as the features of being an average person, this is one of them: Despising anything that was easy to achieve because if no sacrifice was involved, it obviously isn't worth anything. (pierced my mind when i read this part..hahaha) Or how bout this: Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you won't have the energy. Literally laughed at this part....It's so, true.
There....taking my day off running around the island and hide under the blanket to read. :D

This is another book that I have just finished during this holiday. (Happy me. Haven't have much time reading books i really like. hehe) blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I found this book randomly in the library and "the power of thinking without thinking" immediately captured my attention. I thought how is this possible? Well, it turns out, it is really possible and we are actually doing it all the time. It's called snap judgement, or more commonly, first impression. Malcolm explained how we can make decisions based on what we normally called "sixth sense" and have no idea why we can make that correct decision. It is part of the thin-slicing process and based on the foundation of our experiences and knowledge before. Snap judgement most believed to be the infamous cause of "The Warren Harding Error". So, it may be the answer to why I always have this ticklish feeling when making decisions and even when answering questions during exams. It's like when I answer wrongly, i know it's wrong, but I just don't know why is it wrong and how can i correct it. dumb dumb. anyway, good book. recommended, if you are interested in this psycho psycho kinda topics.


It has been long since I last met her, my elder sister, or rather, since i last met any of my siblings or family members. I'm just glad to be where I am now, even with so many stuffs to settle at college/studies.
My siblings are much elder than I am, at least 8 years and above. And me, being 19, some how never feel that is an odd thing. I grow up to think, having a sibling which is a couple of years elder than you is weird. My siblings are the people I look up to, other than my parents, those that I seek for advice and encouragement for they have the experiences though not much because we grew up in almost similar condition, of course, i know mine deviate much than that of 3 of them since their ages are close to each others'. They will somehow understand what I am going through and give appropriate advice. More importantly, I trust they are the people who genuinely want to help you and love you since the first day of your arrival in this world, other than your parents.

When I was just a child, I am clumsy and timid in the eyes of public, but I believe in my eyes of my direct family members, I am still clumsy, but rebellious and mischievous. You will never know what sort of trouble I will get into anytime, even worse, when I am left alone almost whole day at home. It did not started like that. When i was a toddler, my mom used to send me to day-care centre before she went to work and my siblings were still attending classes in their secondary school but I vividly remember how excruciating the process of getting me into EVEN the door of that day-care centre is, for her and for me. I would scream, yell and cry, kick and punch and do whatever to NOT STEP A FOOT INTO THAT PLACE. I do not know why. The aunty there was friendly and I was the eldest kid in that centre, others are just...babies or toddlers who could not even talk properly. It was just like sending me to hell. But some how, they always manage to "bribe" me, or should I say, trapping me like hunting for animals, into that house and when I turn over, my mom just VANISH and her car was no where to be seen.

I forget exactly for how long that lasts, but definitely only a short while. I think my mom had a hard time resolving my day-care issue. She even tried leaving me in her staff room in school. There was a period of time, I was cared by my siblings at home, after their classes. They would take turns to control this little monster while I just order them to do stuffs like some princess/king (they still think i act like that now). I remember how i used to snoop into my sister's drawers when she was gone for school, then i would take all her soft toys and crayons into the living room, turn some short stools over, arrange the soft toys between the 4 legs of the stools and pretend I am driving a train. Then my sister would come back and realised her stuffs magically disappeared. Any retard would have guessed it was me, being the youngest and only kid around (it's impossible to be my elder brothers or parents right?!). Then she would scream at me, I would shout back something that makes no sense and we would eventually end up fighting. Yes, literally fighting. Imagine a 5 years old kid fighting with a 13 years old teenage girl, that picture was funny. How silly, no? But being the youngest, my mother always sided me and my sister would suffer all the scoldings. ah... :p

My brothers are different. I always feel inferior to them, unlike to my sister. (Sorry sis!) My eldest brother is 10 years older than me and he looks exactly like my father during his "handsome" days. He is the sort of brother who would smack you real hard (though he never do this to me) and scold you like there's no tomorrow if you do something wrong. But yea, he is a leader among the 4 of us and also in his school. I do not really remember much of what we did when he was in secondary school because I was still very young. But I do remember when I was just starting primary school, learning how to do summation 1+1=2, he has entered university by then (and yet, even after 10 years, i have not step foot into a uni, sad case. haha). He used to bring me to the campus. He would take me by my hand and walk me around, and his mates would ask, "Who is this?" "My daughter," he always replied that way. Given the circumstances that people do not know our real age, I was unusually small size when i was young and my brother was really tall, this reply seems perfectly logic right? I was even a bulb when he brought his girlfriend (now my sister-in-law) out for dates. Pathetic.
(But yea, don't worry, i don't remember a single detail..i just remember we went out...)

Then there's my second elder brother. He was a chubby teenager. I love hanging out with him because he is such a comfortable person to hang out with. When I was in primary school, we have this afternoon classes which you have 1 hour break before class starts. My brother would send McD Happy Meal to my class for lunch. Ask any of my primary school classmates, I am sure they tell you how vividly they could remember this. The myth about the malnutrition of Happy Meal? Rubbish, look at me now, I am not obese and certainly not a a dwarf or...grew abnormally! I am perfectly fine. HAHA. Nah, i'm just joking, having too much fast food definitely will stunt your physical growth but I do not know why it has not happened to me. or maybe it did? hmmm.... But yea, my brother always help in the kitchen and I used stare at him when he was doing the dishes and thought, the woman he's going to marry next time is probably the luckiest woman on earth. Haha.... and, it seems quite true, right, bro?

During the graduation ceremony for each of my siblings, we would take a family photo. So that's 3 years consecutively. And I remember my mother said during an occasion, appreciate the last few years 4 of us have together because it will not last long, like how my parents experienced with their siblings. True, after my eldest brother graduated, he moved to another city for work. Since then, we all started to move out of the house for studies and work, and we rarely have all 4 of us together at the same time except during chinese new year. And i fear that chance will not even last any longer... Now we are all grown up and each leads very different life. My brothers are married, starting their own families and soon, my sister will be married too. It's the beginning of another generation.

Though we may be physically apart, but our hearts will always remain together.
Spending couple days of my holiday with my sis here in Singapore has made me realised all these. I only met her 3 times for these 2 years. It's my holiday, but I feel guilty for not working and spending time fooling around here but, damn it...I have been studying every day for the past months, and now I just need a break to spend time with my sis who are just few hundered kilometres away. If you value money, power and fame more than relationship with your family and loved ones, you just devalued yourself. I despise you.

I am glad to be where I am now. Thank God for my family.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Random #4

Something's wrong with me. Lost my "appetite" for taiwanese lovey-dovey series. I was sitting in an empty library, reading a serious book, right after the excruciating weeks of trial exam. And enjoying it to bits. O.o

(ok maybe not right after, cause i went for shopping! can't believe the sales, it's 70% omgomgomgomg).

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Learning with humility

Recently, I had a chat with a brilliant friend of mine whom I think is totally superb, genius and knows everything on the surface of this planet. She's pretty, kind, charismatic and, don't ever doubt her leadership capabilities. While I wonder if there is anybody else as perfect as her, I could not help but asked, "You received tonnes of compliments like...everyday right? How do you feel about them? What makes you so SMART AND AWESOME?!"

She laughed at my question. "No, I am not as perfect you think I am. There are many stuffs that I could not do too. But I pray to God and trust Him. He will provide, he will, believe me. Also, always have the passion to learn." To learn, she reminded me to never be afraid to ask and question until you got the answer you want. Never mind the scoldings, the insults, being look-down upon., never mind if people around are thousands times smarter than you, never mind if you are not born a genius..Focus on the purpose - To learn! Do not let fear and shyness hinder your thirst for knowledge. Be humble and work diligently because there is really no boundary to knowledge. Everyone is equal in this field, we all learn from each other.:)

A wise man never knows everything, only fools know everything.

p/s: Just a short post to keep this blog alive, some more to continue for this post after exam.... Having A2 trials now. Will regain freedom after this weeek!!!! :D

Saturday, August 06, 2011

Jog For Hope

I went for Jog for Hope with my ex-SAM classamtes, 2 Sundays ago. Luckily I managed to register!! :D (I missed it last year and regretted so much.) It's a 6km charity run organised by Taylor's College.
Taylor's College Sri Hartamas Campus
Didnt get the t shrit. arrived too late. =.=

Siok yee, who came back from Melbourne for break also came!! :)
It has been really long since we last talked. So happy to see that 38 siao po there.
And these 2 horny looking perverts.. Sean and cheng mun
Wye Hong act emo after the run.
The finish line!!!
My time was 37 minutes for 6km.
It was quite an easy run but the hilly parts were really tiring.

The race to the finish line was not the focus, instead, the time we spent catching up about how interesting and different our lives are after SAM is the most cherish-able moment of that day.

After this, I wonder when will we all meet again....