Friday, September 30, 2011

Random #8

Test my patience no more. It has been exhausted. Please take some initiatives to work this thing out if you are sincere before I declare, you are out of my life.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Random #7

When panic, I bite the skin around my fingers (not nails). And I bit them until 4 out of 10 fingers bled. damn.

Warmth

"For every bad thing that happens, it will bring equal or greater benefits." quoted from one of the book I was reading for the past weeks. When I was reading that particular line, I was standing below a big tree with lots of birds. Who would have ever thought, "some-dont-know-good-or-bad luck" decided to fall on me. The bird poop slipped passed my fringe and dropped on that page. "Oh gosh...." I thought, "And how will this bring any good?" (Friends might be able to recall i posted a similar status on FB few weeks ago)

And indeed, today I had learned invaluable lessons. The price paid was extremely high, the opportunities lost were even greater. I was supposed to go for Damansara for UKCAT today, paid 100 pounds beforehand. Scan through the receipt email. Took a metred taxi and went over. The taxi driver was a headache, I am not sure if he really don't know the way, or is he faking it just to earn that few ringgits more, he kept on going the "wrong way" and making u-turns. The journey which originally would have take only 30 minutes ended to be an hour long HOLAN drive. But, I sort of expected this would happen, so I started off early and reached right on time.

There I was, in front of this huge building, totally clueless of where on earth I was then. Hence, I just "act brave" and marched into the building, registered as a visitor and went to the test centre. While I was in the lift on the way up, I had an uneasy feeling inside. I must have missed out something, I should have checked what should I bring before coming, something's wrong... But resolved to dismiss those negative, unnecessary thoughts as pure anxiety before a test that I would have no idea how to complete.

Horror of horrors, once I opened the door leading into the test centre, the woman there greeted me with a question that totally stunned me, "Passport?" WHAT PASSPORT?! "You have to produce an original, current, fine copy of passport to be able to take the test." WTH?! I have no idea we have to bring passport! I know I have to bring the receipt and an identification document (in this case, i thought MYKAD will do just fine since I'm in malaysia), but PASSPORT?! It's 1.30pm and my test would start at 2pm. It's impossible now to rush back and reach here in time to take the test. I pleaded her a few times, "You just need the passport to verify my identity right? I have ic and the receipt here. I am Christine Wong." "No, sorry, I must have your passport." Then I pleaded few more times for her "mercy" to let me in. She totally ignored me after giving me the testing company's number. I was stunned. There was no way I could talk this through with her, ignoring me like this. I called the company, busy. busy. busy. I was so shocked, speechless and the time was 2pm already.

I walked out of the tower, stood under the sun by the roadside. Frozen despite the blazing sun and heat, immobile and wondered what to do next. I was literally muted for about 10 minutes. You know what was i thinking during all that 10 minutes? The fear of not being able to get into any UK university, ever. I thought about this before, but what I was thinking at that moment was, is it really coming true? Oh, I am such a failure. So dumb. So careless, as usual. I don't deserve all the good stuffs that happened to me before, someone out there deserve this more than me. This is all my own fault.

I called my mom. I messaged Wei Jie, told him about it. I called my dad, who fortunately arrived just on time to fetch me and rushed back to college placement centre. I was panicking and my sight was getting blurred. Hold it back, dont cry, hold it. Ran to placement centre, met Si Ming outside. (Thank God for her being there) Then, we started calling the UKCAT, test centre and so many other people for help and begged for a reschedule. I can not lose this chance of applying to my insurance universities. Without UKCAT, I can only apply to the other 2 universities of which are both almost unattainable. The stakes are too high to let go. I could not hold it back anymore and straight away broke into tears. Lilian and her colleagues at the placement centre were really trying their best to help me, so was my dad. Every one was calling like mad as a consequence of my carelessness. It lasted for like 3 hours. I cried, stop and started crying again while Si Ming kept cheering me up and gave me hugs. Is this the selfish side of human, sacrificing others' time in order to make their OWN dreams come true and achieve their OWN goals? I talked to the UKCAT staffs, again and again, begging for the chance. (Yes, beg for a chance.)

"I am really sorry, but this is our policy. I can not do anything to help you. Thank you and bye bye," the woman on the other side of the phone said. My heart sunk. I looked at the people around me who were so helpful through the whole afternoon but I did not feel sad anymore, I felt this sense of relieved instead (though the disappointment was still there). I felt like I am the luckiest person on earth. I was being well-protected all these years by my loved ones, or even mere acquaintances. Yes, I was grateful for what I have, however, it was not from my heart. Suddenly, I realised, despite being such a cold-blooded animal all these while, God blessed me so much with these angels around. I lost the opportunity (though later i found out, not the whole of it), but I have adopted a very different perspective of human behaviour, a more humane demeanour. To be a human, and not a working machine. Besides, I had a practical lesson on "To Never Give Up" by Lillian and Si Ming. I had finally know what do people mean by "to fight until the last drop of blood". And that little bear as a token of encouragement by other staff at the placement (million apologies for forgetting to ask for her name), I will hug it to sleep every night. :)

In the late afternoon, Ms Hew called me to her room immediately. I was so afraid that she would scold me for being so dumb AGAIN. So i cleared my nose and wiped away those eyes, took a deep breath and walked into her room. Be prepared, ;( "Hello, Ms Hew. Do you have something to tell me?" Coarse and trembling voice. Timid me. To my surprise, "Yes, please sit down dear," she hurried me to a seat, "What happened? I heard....." Then I started the whole story until I could not longer hold back my tears any more and once again, cried, there, in the vice principal's room. She was so kind, patient and tender despite all the workload and burdens thrown on her and piled on her desk. She encouraged, talked and cheered me up and finally motivated me to be greater and stronger. Just the 2 of us, in that empty office, well after 5pm as setting sun shone through the window. Another great soul in that small figure!

Just as I walked out the office, my mentor saw me with those puffy eyes and red nose. Garh, why did he have to see me in such devastated state? He has always seen me in my best condition with the winner's smile, a sociable person with satisfying academic results and millions of untapped potentials waiting to be discovered. And now this? He looked at me and I could sense his empathy for me. I tried my very best to stop crying and told him "I'm fine, sir, don't worry, I'm ok, stop looking at me like that," But i really could not stop crying, he said nothing at all. I repeated those words again and again. He patted me on the shoulder and said, "Stay strong, k? Stay strong."

I walked to the collaboration room, met a few classmates. More heart-warming words of encouragement, verbally or through sms. I had never felt this "loved" since quite a long while ago. A classmate (you know who you are :D ) even sent cake to my house while I was out, just to cheer me up.

Being in this college for almost 2 years, I had always perceived it as a cold, lonely place full of work maniacs. But today, just before the last week of college, I had witnessed a different side of this place and the people in it.

Though we failed, we have all tried our best and I prayed hard throughout the whole process. God listened to my prayer, I have no doubt at all in that. He just have a different plan for me. Now that He has closed this door, I trust with all my heart that He will open another GREATER path for me. I just have to continue to have faith in Him and continue to glorify His name, according to His will.

Note to myself:
1. Life's a roller-coaster ride. Enjoy it!
2. I'm a challenge-addict.
3. I have recovered and will continue to fight this battle.

Indeed, for every bad thing that happens, it will bring equal or greater benefits. Have faith.

p/s: Melodramatic much. :(

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Preps, preps, preps.

Answer all questions. Time allocated: 15 minutes
1. How's it going? [20 marks]
Life is great. Many tests, exams and interviews coming up, all requiring massive amount of readings, memory space and energy. A2, BMAT, UKCAT, Interviews...and who knows what else is going to pop out. Thank God trials was over and my results are, not bad, (hallelujah ~!) but definitely not SATISFYING (to me at least :p) AT ALL. (greed) Of course, I could excuse myself for not doing enough revision due to UCAS and other university application matters, but then again, there is no purpose of putting such excuse. It's done. It's not good enough, means I just did not do well enough, nothing else to put the blame on but *points at self* me. *sigh*


2. Now that you are a super senior, tell me, is Sem 3 awesome? [20 marks]
Yea, I complain a lot, bear with me, that's my only entertainment and way to release stress now. Heh. Enough with those negative thoughts. Semester 3 is literally crazy. My classmates and I were recalling our semester 1 life few days ago during our mid-autumn festival dinner. How i miss those days! Slacking in class, playing pranks, shopping and adventures after classes, trips to other towns on weekends, celebrations after celebrations for no purpose... yet, we still ended up with superb results. ;) But the story is completely different now. Daily shot of caffeine in the morning to keep oneself awake in class, heads to library straight after class ends and do revision until midnight. 8 hours of sleep is a luxury, and what about facebook? Those mere seconds in between classes. Shopping? Adventures? Games? Pranks? Try any of it, you better prepare some super strong stimulants to trade your sleeping/eating/micturating (a new word learnt while nerding just now) time for studies, or else, DIE!!!! just be mentally prepared. Oh forget it, you will do well. :)

3. And those admission tests? [20 marks]
I seriously have no idea how to go through them. The fees are bloody expensive. What to do? Just pray and keep the optimistic thinking going on lo. *I can do it! I can do it! I can do it? Can I do it? Do what?*

4. Give a brief summary of your holiday. [20 marks]
My sis. We do somehow look a bit bit similar right? right?
This is how you spell FATNESS
Just had my 2 weeks holiday and I did not go back to Sarawak though I must admit, it was really eventful! First was GMSJ Camp (which i love the workshops very much and met lots of interesting people in my church whom i have never talked to before despite being there for 2 years now), then marathon movie day, then Singapore (not much shopping, but enjoyed a relaxing and very-stomach-filling trip), then enjoyed couple days of being solitude then TMUN. Many stuffs happened during this conference, which is technically my second conference, and my last conference in TAYMUN (hopefully not MUN), met even more people. I have never been socialising this much since long time ago. We debated about human trafficking which as usual, i have no idea what i was talking about most of the time. Though, it was very interesting because it is an above-18
conference, the level of maturity of the content
during the debate shown by all the delegates in HRC were very impressive. I have never seen delegates really trying to solve a problem by negotiating and cracking their heads to find solutions like a real delegate before. (though i have never seen a real delegate, imagination!! :P) But yea, we were really trying to find new ways of resolving issues, not just copying from what UN has got, rather refer and improvise. Enjoyed a night of dancing at the Republic and also the Party Mixer. Completely embarrassed myself by receiving my awards on stage with mouth full of noodles, nuggets... luckily no photos were taken.

TMUN 2011 UNHRC Committee
-_-"


5. Describe your current life. [20 marks]
Look at the image in the mirror, what do you see? A nerd. Yes. A lifeless nerd. But who cares?! I do not mind being a nerd for the next 2 months even if that means I have to study 24/7 because I am gonna have a "gap year" after that!! WOOHOO!!!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Random #6

Addiction:
1. 1 cup of coffee a day 
2. Music 

keep the snoozes away when studying. super bad for health. 

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Changed plans

Lately, there have been lots of photos from my friends on facebook about their new uni life. Canada, UK, Australia, Ireland...everywhere. It keeps me thinking, how funny and surprising life can be?

My initial plan after Form 5 was to get into any Australia Uni (which I was truly satisfied with that at that moment) and finish my degree as soon as possible then get a job and earn money, get married, start a family, raise kids then die. Even the first step was, not to say wrong, but did not go according to plans. I was not admitted into the University of Queensland (just for the record) into the faculty of dentistry using my sucky forecast results. There was only 2 places for international students from all over the world. Oh well. Then my education adviser asked me to consider about SAM. I have never thought I would be continuing my studies in West Malaysia before, just give it a try, might be an adventure. Hopefully by the end of that year, i could then go back to my initial plan, go to Australia, finish my degree as soon as possible then get a job.......

Then another changed of plan occur when my results was out. I was supposed to go to Dublin, Ireland. After that my path was...altered again. yadayadayada...lots of stories. Anyway, I saw my friends in Dublin, starting their first year in MBBS and thought, I was supposed to be there right? I was suppose to leave this place within a year right? And why am I still here...now nearing 2 years already? What happened to my plan????

Indeed, God has His own plans and we could do nothing to change that. This 2 years have been 2 most remarkable years of my 19 years life. I have met lots more types of people than i would ever imagine, had my personality twisted again and again (now still trying to settle down), tossed here and there, been through many events that somehow affected me intellectually, emotionally and not to forget, spiritually. Time can really change things. I always thought, what can 1 more year change? That's why I chose SAM over CAL, because I do not see the difference, but now I do. That 1 more year, showed and taught me many lessons that I believe would prepare me better for my future. "Why rush in to the working sphere?" I used to replied in a rather annoyed manner, "Because I want to earn money lah!!! study so much for what?!" But now, I realise that is not entirely the case. Yes, finishing the degree fast can free you into the working sphere and earn money but am I really ready to work? Without being properly equipped with strong foundations and certain state of maturity, I will be not be a "good enough" person to make significant contributions to the field of my interest, but..just another work force. I do not mean "just another work force" is totally bad, they do contribute to our society, they are the elements that keep our society going and our nation developing. But, why, when God blesses you with the gift of looking beyond that, you choose to hide away? Live it up for His glory!

This 2 years have showed me, I can be more than just what I thought I would be, of course, with God's grace (or else I would still worth nothing more than a grain of sand). It has also taught me to humble myself under all circumstances. It has taught me, life is not written like the conventional drama scripts, nor it should be the same for everyone. There is not certain model/textbook to follow, we can be as unique as we like, whether in work or relationships. That is why we should not compare. One should not blame his environment for his own blindness. There's still many opportunities out there waving, how can I shut my doors and pretend not to see them? How can I just hide and continue with my initial plan? No....there's much more in life to be discovered. Since 2 years can have such great impact on me, why then, should I not look forward for the upcoming years of studies?

Now, at least 6 years more? Bring it on. :)

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Recipe to get me stressed

It is not that hard.
1. Let me skip 2 meals
2. Cut off all my supplies of drinking water.

Success rate: 99.99999%

@.@ *sigh*

Monday, September 05, 2011

Leisure reads


I bought this book at a book fair recently at only RM19.90, discounted price. It's hard cover! :D
I'm sure many of you have heard about Paulo Coelho before. I'm still..somewhere in the middle. It does not start well, as in, did not really grab my attention in the beginning. So, was reading in a very very lagging pace. Then it started to get really interesting somewhere at..pg 100. It's about how people always wanted fame, power and wealth in life, about winningall the time, until the extend of willing to kill to achieve your goals. (This is the part which it talks about the amazing martial arts of Russians by killing with only a grip on the shoulder with a bare hand by pressing on the jugular vein and thus blocking the blood flow to the brain.Victim dies within 7 seconds. O.o) It amazes me in such a way that, it mirrors the reality of life so precisely. For instance, in the list of 46 items which is considered as the features of being an average person, this is one of them: Despising anything that was easy to achieve because if no sacrifice was involved, it obviously isn't worth anything. (pierced my mind when i read this part..hahaha) Or how bout this: Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you won't have the energy. Literally laughed at this part....It's so, true.
There....taking my day off running around the island and hide under the blanket to read. :D


This is another book that I have just finished during this holiday. (Happy me. Haven't have much time reading books i really like. hehe) blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I found this book randomly in the library and "the power of thinking without thinking" immediately captured my attention. I thought how is this possible? Well, it turns out, it is really possible and we are actually doing it all the time. It's called snap judgement, or more commonly, first impression. Malcolm explained how we can make decisions based on what we normally called "sixth sense" and have no idea why we can make that correct decision. It is part of the thin-slicing process and based on the foundation of our experiences and knowledge before. Snap judgement most believed to be the infamous cause of "The Warren Harding Error". So, it may be the answer to why I always have this ticklish feeling when making decisions and even when answering questions during exams. It's like when I answer wrongly, i know it's wrong, but I just don't know why is it wrong and how can i correct it. dumb dumb. anyway, good book. recommended, if you are interested in this psycho psycho kinda topics.


Siblings

It has been long since I last met her, my elder sister, or rather, since i last met any of my siblings or family members. I'm just glad to be where I am now, even with so many stuffs to settle at college/studies.
***************************
My siblings are much elder than I am, at least 8 years and above. And me, being 19, some how never feel that is an odd thing. I grow up to think, having a sibling which is a couple of years elder than you is weird. My siblings are the people I look up to, other than my parents, those that I seek for advice and encouragement for they have the experiences though not much because we grew up in almost similar condition, of course, i know mine deviate much than that of 3 of them since their ages are close to each others'. They will somehow understand what I am going through and give appropriate advice. More importantly, I trust they are the people who genuinely want to help you and love you since the first day of your arrival in this world, other than your parents.

When I was just a child, I am clumsy and timid in the eyes of public, but I believe in my eyes of my direct family members, I am still clumsy, but rebellious and mischievous. You will never know what sort of trouble I will get into anytime, even worse, when I am left alone almost whole day at home. It did not started like that. When i was a toddler, my mom used to send me to day-care centre before she went to work and my siblings were still attending classes in their secondary school but I vividly remember how excruciating the process of getting me into EVEN the door of that day-care centre is, for her and for me. I would scream, yell and cry, kick and punch and do whatever to NOT STEP A FOOT INTO THAT PLACE. I do not know why. The aunty there was friendly and I was the eldest kid in that centre, others are just...babies or toddlers who could not even talk properly. It was just like sending me to hell. But some how, they always manage to "bribe" me, or should I say, trapping me like hunting for animals, into that house and when I turn over, my mom just VANISH and her car was no where to be seen.

I forget exactly for how long that lasts, but definitely only a short while. I think my mom had a hard time resolving my day-care issue. She even tried leaving me in her staff room in school. There was a period of time, I was cared by my siblings at home, after their classes. They would take turns to control this little monster while I just order them to do stuffs like some princess/king (they still think i act like that now). I remember how i used to snoop into my sister's drawers when she was gone for school, then i would take all her soft toys and crayons into the living room, turn some short stools over, arrange the soft toys between the 4 legs of the stools and pretend I am driving a train. Then my sister would come back and realised her stuffs magically disappeared. Any retard would have guessed it was me, being the youngest and only kid around (it's impossible to be my elder brothers or parents right?!). Then she would scream at me, I would shout back something that makes no sense and we would eventually end up fighting. Yes, literally fighting. Imagine a 5 years old kid fighting with a 13 years old teenage girl, that picture was funny. How silly, no? But being the youngest, my mother always sided me and my sister would suffer all the scoldings. ah... :p

My brothers are different. I always feel inferior to them, unlike to my sister. (Sorry sis!) My eldest brother is 10 years older than me and he looks exactly like my father during his "handsome" days. He is the sort of brother who would smack you real hard (though he never do this to me) and scold you like there's no tomorrow if you do something wrong. But yea, he is a leader among the 4 of us and also in his school. I do not really remember much of what we did when he was in secondary school because I was still very young. But I do remember when I was just starting primary school, learning how to do summation 1+1=2, he has entered university by then (and yet, even after 10 years, i have not step foot into a uni, sad case. haha). He used to bring me to the campus. He would take me by my hand and walk me around, and his mates would ask, "Who is this?" "My daughter," he always replied that way. Given the circumstances that people do not know our real age, I was unusually small size when i was young and my brother was really tall, this reply seems perfectly logic right? I was even a bulb when he brought his girlfriend (now my sister-in-law) out for dates. Pathetic.
(But yea, don't worry, i don't remember a single detail..i just remember we went out...)

Then there's my second elder brother. He was a chubby teenager. I love hanging out with him because he is such a comfortable person to hang out with. When I was in primary school, we have this afternoon classes which you have 1 hour break before class starts. My brother would send McD Happy Meal to my class for lunch. Ask any of my primary school classmates, I am sure they tell you how vividly they could remember this. The myth about the malnutrition of Happy Meal? Rubbish, look at me now, I am not obese and certainly not a a dwarf or...grew abnormally! I am perfectly fine. HAHA. Nah, i'm just joking, having too much fast food definitely will stunt your physical growth but I do not know why it has not happened to me. or maybe it did? hmmm.... But yea, my brother always help in the kitchen and I used stare at him when he was doing the dishes and thought, the woman he's going to marry next time is probably the luckiest woman on earth. Haha.... and, it seems quite true, right, bro?

During the graduation ceremony for each of my siblings, we would take a family photo. So that's 3 years consecutively. And I remember my mother said during an occasion, appreciate the last few years 4 of us have together because it will not last long, like how my parents experienced with their siblings. True, after my eldest brother graduated, he moved to another city for work. Since then, we all started to move out of the house for studies and work, and we rarely have all 4 of us together at the same time except during chinese new year. And i fear that chance will not even last any longer... Now we are all grown up and each leads very different life. My brothers are married, starting their own families and soon, my sister will be married too. It's the beginning of another generation.

Though we may be physically apart, but our hearts will always remain together.
*************************
Spending couple days of my holiday with my sis here in Singapore has made me realised all these. I only met her 3 times for these 2 years. It's my holiday, but I feel guilty for not working and spending time fooling around here but, damn it...I have been studying every day for the past months, and now I just need a break to spend time with my sis who are just few hundered kilometres away. If you value money, power and fame more than relationship with your family and loved ones, you just devalued yourself. I despise you.

I am glad to be where I am now. Thank God for my family.