Friday, October 28, 2011

Random #13

What doesn't God just reveal His plans for each one of us at the beginning? ._.?

The situation I am in now is so similar to the days I was having SPM. The fear and uncertainty. History repeating itself? First as a tragedy, second as farce. Hopefully, not a tragedy. and thank God for the angels who stay beside me at times like this.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Good reads for the month

Complications: A Surgeon's Note on an Imperfect Science.
An interesting book on a surgeon's experience in many cases from the deadly necrozing faciitis, nausea, obesity, uncertainties in Medicine and so much more. Recommended! (for peeps who are interested in this field.) To get a better picture of Part III: Uncertainties in this book, I suggest to read this book then continue to "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. There are parts which are inter-related.
To the person who gave me this book: sorry for reading this slow. good things must be enjoyed slowly. btw, it was a bit technical but definitely well-written. thanks! :) 
Brain Matters: Adventures of a Brain Surgeon

This book burnt a hole in my wallet. RM94.50 (hardcover) but it was worth the money. Similar to the previous book, this book has included many cases of complicated brain surgeries, but in a more witty manner. I was reading it during dinner time one day at the part where a patient from rural area got infections in his brain until maggots are crawling all over. *vomit* Just another random fact: Do you know the texture of a damaged brain is like toothpaste? When you drill a hole on the skull, built-up pressure will "squeeze" you brain out.... O.O haha...

Ah, this book was on 50% discount in MPH when I bought it. only @RM25(paperback)! Most important question: Does it work? depends. The effect is immediate and obvious for me but only on story books and not text books. WAI!!!?? haha. 

Not much time to read non-academic related books this month due to the massive workload. "mini library" in Subang is full now, am moving back to Sarawak soon anyway but the problem is: HOW TO MOVE ALL THESE BOOKS BACK? *Headache* 

p/s: notice that I've blogged more frequently this month? To kill the anxiety! AAA! Tomorrow's THE DAY.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Back to home-base's library

Be considerate a bit, can o not?

Random #12

The past few months have been so packed with activities that every night when I lie down I would fall asleep immediately. Just a random thought, I wonder what will happen after finals, next year when I have nothing particularly important to do. Will I just lie on te couch and watch tv every day? My brain will rust after a week I think. Sedentary lifestyle is never my cup of tea. Too much time, nothing also need to worry...haha. I wonder what will my other classmates do. Any suggestionss? :p

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Law Books

The perfect choice to eliminate visual distractions.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Finally, done with the last session of bible study for the year. It was quite a journey, I would say. From discussing which book to study, to our first meeting in Baker's Cottage, changing of venues, changing of members and even until the changing of the book we were doing, from John to James. Not to forget, the occasional inter-faith sharing of ideas. I do not perceive the "inability" to finish the Book of John as a failure. John is a very long book, to start with and we only have a year. Next, it may appear to be very literal, straight-forward at first, but as we went through some of the chapters, it has proven to be much more than that. Hence I believe there are so much more in the Bible, waiting to be discovered, if only, we are willing to read it, and not just stop there, but to STUDY it. ( The knowledge of the secrets of the Kingdom of God has been given to you, but to the rest it comes by means of parables, so that they may look but not see, and listen but not understand. - Luke 8:10) So yea, we, (or at least for me) have learnt to read beyond what the words literally meant, but not in a twisted kind of way of course. All those questions, answers, long-pauses during our studies have made me ponder a lot more, and many moments, I was in awe of how God, through the authors are trying to convey His messages to us. Not just any message, but the message to eternal life, to be closer to Him and the absolute, truth and answers to all our prayers. Therefore, I would not say the "effort" to finish John was in vain, rather, a fruitful one as well.

We changed to the Book of James after 6 months because out of the three of us left (Yuen, Nicholas and I), 2 of us will be finishing our course in Taylor's, just so to "finish a book", we have decided to change to James, a shorter book yet very concise and practical, easily applicable to our daily life. From having a confident stand in chapter 1, to compassionate service, careful speech, contrite submission and finally, a warning for wealthy and finding comfort in the words of a just, compassionate and merciful Judge that is coming, this book has indeed in many ways challenged and made me "think twice" of my faith in my Saviour. Is my faith genuine? Am I a hypocrite? Is my submission to Him complete? For whom/what purpose am I praying for? And the highlight of almost all sessions, pride. It is also through this type of "independent" bible study group, I have seen how hard is it to maintain the dynamic and the consistency of studying the Word together week after week after week, even when we all have other commitments and dead tired after classes every Tues/Weds/Thurs afternoon. No time? Learn to make time for God! 
(Thank you very much, Chun Chung for facilitating us all the while.)

Milk, is the first and sole food for most newborns. Babies just wail, open their mouth and wait to be fed. They depend on it for survival, yet they do not know the importance of it. As they grow up, only then they would realise, milk is what keeps them alive and they can never wait to be fed for the rest of their life. They have to learn to search for food, ask for it and feed themselves, or the consequence may prove to be fatal. Same goes to our spiritual life. When we first hear the gospel of the Lord and believed, we were spiritual newborns. We depended on our "spiritual parents", pastors and elders of the church to tell us more about the Good News. All the advice, nags and sermons may seem redundant at first, because we do not understand it (good for you if you were aware of your thirst for this wisdom even at the very beginning). We listened, we learnt even if we were under force or obligations (eg, dragged to Sunday School). Then, we grew up, bit by bit until we realised the importance of the Word and have the urge of wanting to know more about the Father, like a child wanting to grow up. Though, spiritual growth is harder than physical one. It can be easily stunted, or worse, reversed. Of course, our faith, the faith of a worthless sinner, may waver many times under trials and temptations, but "perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:4) That one day, we can finally meet our Creator, not as a foolish little kid who may have a great philosopher in front of him yet laugh disrespectfully at his weird-looking beard, but as a servant who yearns to worship God forever. 

It is almost the end of college. The following weeks, rather than a died-down, cooling period to all these hussle and bussle of my vibrant, eventful college life, I would rather say it is the peak instead. An abrupt stop after that? perhaps. It may not be glorious, glamorous in other people's eyes, nor a smooth-sail as I presumed it to be, but because I was more unprotected, "suffered" more than my previous high school times, I have learnt to rely not on anyone, or anything, but solely on God. This lesson is of course, not done yet, and it will most probably take a lifetime to be completed but yea, I believe this is a peek of it. 

As I have endeavoured to put my college life into His hands, I will continue to do so to for my future. It is to thy will, my Lord. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Ecclesiastes 3

  There is a time for everything,    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.
  What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
  Whatever is has already been,
   and what will be has been before;
   and God will call the past to account.
  And I saw something else under the sun:
   In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
   in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
  I said to myself,
   “God will bring into judgment
   both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
   a time to judge every deed.”
  I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”
  So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

I shall not make any long-winded comment on this chapter. Gained comforting, priceless personal message from God. Posting it here as a personal reminder for the future as of how this chapter once meant so much to me and to share to my dear readers, who have randomly stumbled here.

p/s: it has been long since I last played a proper piano. Was so determined to "revitalise" my rusty skills (and partly to de-stress), played 4 sonatina pieces in a row. (Tone-deaf currently but fortunately my sight-reading skill is still "boleh tahan", eh sight reading skill very important for lazy people who do not practise regularly kay!!! *guilty*) Wrist-ache now but feeling very satisfied. Picking up piano again for my gap year? Perhaps. :) still, i wonder why did I hated piano lessons so much last time?

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Random #11

I only talk politely to the people I do not relate well with. :(
and I do not understand why some people can be so cold-blooded. bugger.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Reflections below the red moon

There are some people who are present in your life for a moment, yet leave very long-lasting impacts. They came in quietly that you would not have foreseen these people will actually have any significant influence in you except that you guys chat on FB occasionally, then you ended up did not finish your homework for the day (if you consider that as...significant, then fine.) . As time goes by, you reflect upon your social life and how much you have grown, and "BAM" only then you realise these people, even with their mediocrity, have slowly creep into your life, erode your principles and turn you into something that you would have never imagined yourself to be. And though they may not be physically there anymore, their comments and beliefs leeched into your mind, taking up gigabytes of your memory and exhausting your RAM. (ah stop these gibberish talk) It can either be positive or negative changes, but never neutral. Thank God, when I close my eyes and reflect, I see people that had mould and twist my personality into something else, something Better.

I pray, many times God answered quite instantly. Very blessed, I know. However, we were having another bible study that day, probably the second last for me, on James chapter 4. "Ye ask, and receive not, because ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts..." (verse 3) I thought, true, of the many times we ask from God, He answered, what about the millions times that we prayed and those prayers are not answered? Is God intentionally ignoring us? Or is He enjoying the sight of us, mortals, suffering in turmoil down here? Through that verse, clearly, He is always listening and always present. We pray for knowledge, wisdom and GOOD GRADES, but deep down, for whom? If it is to feed our own pride, why on earth that should God encourages that? Pride will only turn us away from Him! Good grades, good grades...who is it for?

Please, grant me a heart that unceasingly longs for You.

p/s: Bloody red moon seems very scary, reminds me of "the sun will be darkened and the moon will turn red as blood, before the great and glorious Day of the Lord comes." I wonder if it has anything to do with the haze....

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Heart of Life - John Mayer

Weep no more. You are not obliged to do stuffs that you do not enjoy. If you do not like what you are doing, stop doing it or else do not complain, for you have chosen it yourself, to not solve the problem the one you like. There are definitely multiple ways to solve a problem. Just ask, and you shall receive. :D  


28 days till BMAT. 16 days till my finals. 15 days till Camb interview. Have been working so hard lately, for too long I guessed, I see the need to "slack" for these 2 days. Yes, the need to slack. Maybe I was moving too fast for too long or pushing too hard, relaxing for a while feels odd to me. I know i should not be slowing down now, not with all those BIG DAYS just around the corner but maybe, i just need a rest.

Sometimes, there's something better than a sleep to rest. Sleep does replenish your physical need for energy but I find hiding under the comforter, reading a non-academic, good book, hugging a soft toy at quiet night like this, does the rejuvenation trick better on me, mentally. (Thanks for my room mate for going off for her holiday, now i have no one to pillow talk to. :( Faster come back.) Some music made the ambiance even better. A little pause at reading. Ah...threw those worries behind for a while and happy, sweet memories with special people in my life flashed through my mind.

I tend to rush things in my daily life. Every single thing. Walking, talking, doing my work. When the efficiency of certain matter/people does not meet my expectation, I tend to get very upset. Only at times like this, when the pace is deliberately slowed down, I find there is indeed no need to rush. Patience. To love, give, help, and expect no return, at all.

It is only at times like this, I reflect and remind myself of the purpose of working so hard all along. Then, procrastination, fatigue and anxiety will be eroded and be replaced by motivations to work. refreshed.

I is happy. :)

Monday, October 10, 2011

Abraham Verghese: A doctor's touch | Video on

An inspiring speech about modern medicine. It profoundly addressed the dehumanisation of modern medicine as technology advances. Have you ever wondered what happened to the cold doctor-patient interaction nowadays? Have you ever been in a situation whereby you have waited for 2 hours in a clinic, yet when it is finally your turn, your doctor just look at your wound/injury for a minute while listening to your complains, scribble some notes onto a paper and the consultation ends? It is true that technology advancement had made major contributions to the medical field, and is continuing to do so. This has made many incurable diseases being cured in much shorter, painless and efficient ways. However, this too might have contributed to the "check-box doctors with a heart of stone" syndrome nowadays. Treatments should be patient-centered, catering not only to their physical needs but also their emotional demands.

Doctors are, unarguably, the highly-respected group in the society since the beginning of Medicine until today. However, with so many other new "careers" emerging, it seems that a doctor's role can be easily replaced by others. Doctors "fix" human body with the assistance of computers and high-end machines like CAT scan and MRI. So do an engineer or mechanic, designs and fixes systems in plants with the assistance of computers and machines.  Doctors are involve in on-going researches and studies. They discuss and debate about controversial ethical issues. Doctors also discover cures for some infectious diseases and win awards. However, a bio-medical researcher also deals with human body by constantly working in the lab, repeating the same experiment for thousands of times, collecting and analysing data, and more often than not, discover a cure for a deadly, epidemic infectious diseases, subsequently win the Nobel Prize. Doctors, not so special anymore? With the number of medical schools increasing at such alarming rate (I personally do not think that increment is good), almost any one can be a doctor now, just like any one of other occupations can switch to be a doctor, after training of course. Yet, can every one be a good doctor? No, the key point that differentiate good doctors from all other careers is: Doctors heal needy SOULS, not objects.

"I will always, always, always be there. I will see you through this. I will never abandon you. I will be with you through the end."
-Abraham Verghese

p/s: I can't help being impressed by Bell's teacher and the Sherlock Holmes part. O.O

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Random #10

Seriously, why waste time entertaining people who does not appreciate you as who you are? Why waste time on people who do not "walk the talk"? Why hang on to those empty promises? Forgive and forget. :)

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Random #9

Following the emo post "Warmth", I have received much "warmth" from friends all around. Thank you so much. However, like I have said at the end of that post, I have recovered from the shock and I was never in the state of being depressed nor going into depression any soon. Yes, I was stressed, but stressed is different from depressed. Failures like that are bound to happen once in awhile, it was only that I did not post every single one of them here. There are times when I weep quietly by myself and times when I keep those mistakes inside. However, for whichever way I chose to handle them, there is one thing for sure: I do not reject failures. Fear not of failing and acknowledge every single mistake you have made but try not to repeat the same mistake. If that happens, it means there are lessons still to be learned. They also serve as reminders for me not to slack in my comfort zone for too long.  Life is a great teacher and undoubtedly, it has proven me through many ways that it is. It has its own way of teaching us to grow. Though I am young, though I may be reckless and careless many times, but I am still learning. All I can say is, pardon me for my mistakes. I promise not to intentionally repeat them again.

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Does this picture look extremely familiar to you? I mean, to every girl who ever dreamed of becoming a princess one day, and when people asked you about your ambition, you didn't bluntly answer,"I want to be a doctor/teacher etc etc!" instead you screamed,"I am a princess and when I grow up, I will marry a prince and we will live happily ever after together in a castle!!!" *then dance around and wave at the entrance of some imaginary ball* sidetrack a while, my parents and i were having breakfast at some dimsum restaurant this morning and there were two toddlers at the next table. They were yelling for no obvious reasons and banging their plastic plates with forks, yet their parents acted like it's zero decibels there. Talking about inner peace! I bet no one could beat them. So I asked my parents,"I know I'm a monster when I was young, but was I far worse than that? If I was, I am really sorry," "No, you were quiet most of the time, sitting at a side, but the story was completely different when you were left alone at home," this explains why my mom was so deseparate to get me babysit last time. Ok, back to the topic. I could not recognise this at all when I first saw the picture. After moment of "deep" thoughts, the cheek muscles pulled the side of my lips up by themselves. Sticker earrings!!! Tho they look almost identical to the iPhone buttons that are in very high demand of the market currently, these objects, which now seem worthless to many of us, were actually objects I treasured more than gold during the days before pre-school. I would count the number of stickers on my board, hid it in a safe place before I went out to play with my neighbours' kids and when i returned, i would rush to my secret place to ensure my precious collections are safe. Not only these, I had also collected erasers, red packets, coins, stamps, soft toys (until my mom threw them away because these furry friends kept triggering asthma attacks on me) and I guess the most disgusting collection are the deciduous teeth collection. (My own, of course) Some of them are rotten, some in perfect condition and some with weird marks on it. Each representing a hope that the tooth fairy really does exist and slip into my room to replace the teeth with money. I think they are still in my drawers till today. Reminiscing how I used to envy my elder sister and cousins for having the permission to pierce their ear and to wear those shinny, dangling earrings, I looked into the mirror and suddenly realised how big I have actually grown. To have the autonomy over my own body, to pierce any part I like, to wear heals and pretty dresses that actually fit properly, to travel to any destination I like, to enjoy the company of people...
in short, to embrace this world in my own way.