Monday, November 07, 2011

"Do not pick her up..."

I have been promoted to "aunt" very recently, instead of always "the youngest one" because my brother just had his first daughter and also the first next generation child in our family! 
The mashimaro face. -_- 

Angela Wong
The sad thing is i won't be able to see her in real life until the earliest will be next Janurary. (meanwhile I'm still stuck here in west malaysia. urgh.) She would have grown very big by then but the good thing is, I can play with her for a year during my "gap year", hopefully, she will remember the existence of this aunty in her life when she grow up, instead of "The aunty who is still studying while I will start my school next year and I always see her on facebook photos and the one who send postcards from somewhere else." That will be really sad and that's what happened to me before, with one of my aunt who was studying in NZ when I was just a toddler. We share no memories at all for that period of time except for the photos she sent though she said when i was a few months old, she practically saw me every day. And now...one week after her birth, my brother and sister-in-law are having a really hard time taking care of her and totally sleep deprived. New parents...typical, i guess.

This reminds me of a story I have heard before, it's about a pair of new parents too. The newborn was a very active child, she needed constant attention and care. Her parents have to take turns to attend to her every minute of the day or else she would cry really loud. This continued on for a year. As if her cries were not enough for them to take, they have to be cautious to prevent further nuisance from the neighbours too (with number of child abuse cases elevating lately, it's hard not to suspect anything when your neighbour's child is crying non-stop). The new parents were determined to find a solution to end this. To end this, killing the child, is obviously, not an option. Nor does suffocating her with a. They love her, more than anything else. Besides, they were not interested to be on the headline of the newspaper about homicides. They were just tired and desperate. They sat down and talked...
The baby started wailing. They checked on her: she was fed only 15 minutes ago, the diaper was clean, she was not sleeping before this so it could not have been a nightmare, no other possible causes to the cry. Both turned away instantly and sat the the couch at the other end of the baby room, staring at the baby. The baby saw them sitting there and cried even louder. Which mother's heart would not soften upon hearing her baby's cry? The mother stood up after 10 seconds, reaching the baby.

"We've talked about this. Sit down," the father said.
"But, she's crying so loudly. Maybe she really needs something,"
"We've checked right? We both now know what's going on, so please sit down,"
"But..."
"Sit down, woman, do not pick her up." 

Finally the mother sat down. The scene may seemed helpless but that's the only solution.

I could not understand the story at first. i mean, why are the parents so cruel?! THEIR BABY IS CRYING FOR GOODNESS SAKE PICK HER UP AND GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS (and to shut her up). Later, i found out the reason. Since they have check through every possible causes for the cry, she's absolutely fine and healthy, it could be another reason: she's purposely putting up a show for extra attention. 

It may not be so suitable for every parent to do that to their child, because you will never know what else the child needs at that moment (he may be having breathing difficulties? or some pain? he is just crying to tell you since he has no ability to talk) but I find it rather applicable to adults. When we meet failures, it is good to have loved ones around to comfort her and help us wrap our wounds up. That way we can stand up faster and ready to take on the world again. But..sometimes, i do not know if this is true or proven psychologically, we are craving for attention from others, there's no other valid reasons to ask for more attention so...we create a scenario to "ask for it". The best way: To be in a tragedy and wait for the "rescue". We get used to it and eventually, addicted to the attention given. So, we repetitively dive into boiling water and subconsciously, crave for failures. 

I know this sounds very wrong but think about it, why not? This is a lesson I learnt from my parents. They love me of course, but they want me to learn to be independent, to be strong until it is well beyond my capabilities to handle the situation. Therefore, whenever I cry or complain, they listen, they give advices, but they rarely solve the problem for me. I have to do it myself. The harder the situation is, the less they would be involved directly. It's the same as the "do not pick her up" situation, to prevent my addiction towards getting the unnecessary attentions. 

How could I ever repay them? Thank you, Dad and Mom. 

p/s: and thank you for visiting me at this crucial period. <3
pp/s: ANGELA IS JUST TOO CUTE. omg. :D 

3 comments:

40 said...

officially u r aunty....no doubt

Christine Wong said...

Aunty to her, not to you..

amyir Mark II said...

jika ur mom ada esok di chung hua, sy mahu panggil dia grandma .....