Friday, December 30, 2011

Wilting flowers

You saw me bloomed,
flourished, when my colour was the strongest;
You bathed yourself in my perfume;
You were in great joy,
for all these miracles are the work of Yours, and Yours alone;
But save me, my Master, 
as I know my time in this worthless world is coming to an end, 
they had abandoned me;
Adore me, if You would, 
and I know You would, my Lord,
at this age, 
when my colour is gradually fading,
until I could no longer stand to worship you,
but to meet You,
face to face.

Dream: Bullied

I woke up this morning, rather late again. It's nearly noon. Then proceeded to staring at the ceiling for...god-knows-how-long. It's nice isn't it, having the whole day's time at your disposal? Even, if you have to pretend that's the case. I tried to recall back the dream that had awaken me earlier. It was a strange dream. (Sad to say, I have rarely any "psychic" dreams lately) I was once again in my secondary school uniform, a very short, skinny and timid girl. I used to carry this huge school bag on my back with lots of books inside, most of the books were not required for classes, but I just like to carry them around (until the age that I realised my height issue was to be blamed on the weights on my back all these days). I entered my form 4 classroom with that blue pinafore which I had ditched during my upper form years to pursue a better sense of fashion in school uniforms - black skirts, impeccably ironed silky, white shirts and black heels, at times, a shinny black jacket to suit. Yes, that silly blue pinafore which made me looked like a silly kid, whom people had numerous times mistook me as a Form 1 kid, rather than an upper form student, soon to graduate from secondary school.

My temporary study table in SG
Measuring Eternity by Martin Grost

I entered the class and I saw all my form 4 classmates but I talked to no one. I put down my bag at my seat, at the last row of the class (tho in reality, the kiasu me would never take the back seat, always the front-middle seats). Then I proceeded to do my duty according to the roster - sweep the floor. Amusingly, I enjoyed cleaning the class so much in that dream. People who had known me long enough to realise, reality could never be farther than that absurd dream. Laugh, go on, laugh.

When I returned to my seat, I noticed my books were all over the place. My bag was, instead, stuffed with BROOMS and the handle of the brooms were sticking out of my poor pink bag like a porcupine. Simon, a good friend of mine whom I had known since primary 1 was the culprit! He splashed water at my pinafore then laughed mischievously. "Why are you reading medic books? We are just form 4 kids! NERD!!" he shouted (in the dream of course, Simon would never dare to do that to me in real life, unless he totally loses his senses or he decides to end his time in this realm earlier. I nerd, but I don't ALWAYS nerd as I slack through most of my secondary years, and no, I was not even slightly interested in those type of books) I did not shout back, or slap him, but quietly dug out the brooms and replaced my books, walked out of the class, weeping by myself. Maybe it was just too pathetic, the dream stopped there.

I could barely recall how my primary school life was like, other than being punished by the teachers almost every single day for doing total idiotic stuffs like gluing my palms together, making flowers using the belt on my uniform, fighting with my friends etc. I asked my mom later, if i always get bullied because I'm quite sure, I didn't bully people. Trust me. I was too small and skinny compared to peers of the same age when I was younger, it was almost impossible for me to be at the superior end of the bully spectrum.

My mom recalled, I was indeed the one being bullied, even up to Form 4. HAHA, I couldn't even remember that incident. It was a classmate of mine, name, starting with J, I'll keep his identity anonymous just in case he still feels embarrassed by that incident. My mom told me, I complained to her at the beginning of Form 4. Being the teacher in the same school and taught us before, she coincidentally met J and asked him "WHY YOU BULLY MY DAUGHTER?!" Haha..mother instinct acting. Of course, he was in the state of total denial!

Honestly, I could not remember a single thing about that. There are millions of funny moments during my secondary school years that I could no longer remember even when I had just left that school for 2 years. I only remember we all laughed a lot, it was like watching some comedy in school every single day. Too many had happened these 2 years, they had probably taken up all the memory space I have. Or maybe, those experiences were just too traumatic that my mind had chosen to forget, let go. However, there is one thing I was so sure of, J don't dare to bully me, at least since the mid-year of Form 4. Perhaps, it was due to the "promotion" I had in school. Bear in mind, to pick on someone of that rank in school was to put yourself in never-ending cycles of community service. Still, I believe, that wasn't the factor per se, if-you-bully-me-i-won't-lend-you-my-homework-anymore-then-you-will-die-when-teacher-finds-out was a bigger threat to him at that time. Haha!!

People change, really. J, Simon or any of those people that (may) have bullied me before, we are all still bunch of good friends now. All those dramas would just fade away in time, and all that is left are just topics to reminisce and laugh together at when we all grow up. If you are a nerd, just like I was, or I am (=.="), and you are not bullied, lucky you, grow as much as you can in your gift; but if you are sadly being pick on, teased, please, don't throw yourself in despair. Seek help if you need. Be bold and courageous! There's never anything wrong in having the ever-flaming passion in acquiring knowledge as long as you would use it to the wellness of people around and ultimately, to glorify God.

Trendy STALKER Parents

Hi Dad, Mom, I know you guys are reading this but whatever I will mention below, please don't scold me, I'm just...telling the plain truth. :P

My parents are the weirdest pair on earth. Many times, I just couldn't comprehend their mind. Here're a few examples:
Incident 1:
Normal Parents: "Eh! Tomorrow got exam right?! Go study! I send you to tuition!"
My parents: "Eh! Tomorrow got exam right?! Let's go to the beach to enjoy the sunset and de-stress. Want to go shopping? Aiyoooo, don't study liao! You want tuition? No, don't waste money, study on your own!"

Incident 2:
Normal parents: "This test must do good good a! Must get A a! If not..."
My parents: "Aiya, got pass already very good la!"

Incident 3:
Normal parents: "You want ipad?! Useless. No money. Don't need."
My Parents: "Nah, iPad, give you, with pink cover. *I rejected* WHY YOU DON'T WANT!!?? Take it!!! Oi! Take it!"

Incident 4:
And if you ever wonder why am I so hooked to my phone... the following photo should explain everything...
Cutest mom ever!

Incident 5:
During d'NA camp, my dad called...
"Hi, Daddy."
"How are you?"
"Ok ok lo.."
"... I'm in camp, dad."

Then I told mom about this,
"Ma, dad scolded me for not going on facebook during camps."
"YA LO, you didn't update!"
"Why should I update every day?!"
"So we would know you are alive!!!"

Please. Is there something wrong with me or my parents? I felt this is..utterly weird. Trust me, you think it's very fun, but I'm just plain confused most of the times - confused of whether to laugh or to cry. Nonetheless, thank God for my cool parents, I couldn't ask for more.
Please share with me your story if you have stalker/awfully cute/out-of-this-world parents too! :)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Phantom of the Opera - All I Ask Of You W/ LYRICS



You looked at a person sitting right in front of you for a second, then you looked down, not a special thought entered your mind, no special feelings.

Awkward silence for 5 seconds.

You started fumbling with the latest gadget in your palm. 3G's on, good. Let's go on facebook/twitter/blog/whatever social network. You saw your friend's latest photo on the screen then you started smiling by yourself with that pale, white light shone on your face.

You partner across the table looked at you. "What are you smiling at?"
You looked up for a second, "Oh, nothing. Just some photos. Let's take a photo so I can check in."
Both of you smiled at the camera.
Then you continued fumbling on that piece of aluminosilicate. Ah, be careful! You must be really gentle to this thing, not too hard on the screen or it may spoil the screen protector which cost bloody $25, or worse, it may break your swarovski manicure! You looked back on the screen, another funny 9gag photo.

"Oh quit smiling by yourself there! Eat your food!...."
"Shhh..." You put on your earplug, continue scrolling.

We rather focus our attention, offer our smiles and gentleness to the cold, emotionless machines than the people around. What is this?

Wednesday, December 28, 2011


A superb book to recommend to ya all. :)
I was so amazed at how the author tried to counter the skepticism of people nowawdays - the people driven by spirit of REASONING - who tries to reason out every single phenomenon on the surface. 
It's in a Q&A form which the "A" is super long of course and answers questions like "Is there God?", "Explain Miracles", "Is Jesus just a prophet or Son of God?", "Why does God allow sufferings", "Explain the Darwinian Theory and link Science and Christianity.", "What makes Christianity so different from other religions?!" etc etc. I've asked many among these questions before, some, I have yet to ask, but I'm sure I'll encounter them myself soon (others asking me, me asking myself).
The arguments are really solid, concrete, rock-hard, jaw-dropping. Simply amazed.
Timothy Keller is a pastor and founder of Redeemer Presbyterian Church at Manhattan. 
Read it, if you happen to find it and be amazed! :D 


I just turned 19, 3 days ago! Weee~ :D 


RIP to the title "Me, myself and I", named when this blog was first founded in year 2006.
That title seemed a bit..."out of my age now" and I don't feel comfortable blogging about myself any more. It's not that I have found my personality and settled with it. I'm still seeking but life is more and people revolving around me. Besides, I'm more inclined of talking about thoughts than only reporting about certain incidents nowadays. 
With thoughts, born speech then action. 
This blog will now grow from "actions" to "Thought, Speech and Action".
Happy Reading!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Identity Crisis

I wonder if any of you out there have ever watched "Bridesmaid"? prob macho guys out there would just turn down this movie once they've seen the title and won't give it a second thought, but girls?

I've been thinking a lot lately,  (yes, i do posses the ability to "think" too, just...not that developed, yet.) and..I'm afraid of so many "what-if"s that may/may not happen. Those scenes in "Bridesmaids" are like metaphors, a warning of what may happen in the future. I confessed in a camp recently that I'm afraid of the future. It's glaringly obvious to every one around me and if you haven't notice that, I guess that's a perfect answer to the question of the subtle "why?" in "How did you do that?!"

Yes, that's how scared I am all these while.

Afraid of failure is a failure in itself but from whom does failure comes?

Just to quote "The best thing of reaching the bottom is, it's time to bounce back up." Beautiful, isn't it? But to face the bottom. I guess that happens, the pain, the sorrow of losing or afraid of losing something or someone happens put too much hope, love, time, effort, literally your whole LIFE into it. It was until the point that, you've enslaved yourself to it. When you lose the person/thing, you've lose your identity. puff, you're gone. end of story. period.

Are you really who you are? Or are your work? your partner? your friends? your talent? your wealth, fame...? When people address you, how do they do it? "So-and-so, oh, a smart person! brilliant student! multi-talented!" WHOA! but what if you have to give up all of those one day, when you are no longer YOUR-CAREER or YOUR-FAMILY?

No, of course I'm not telling you to abandon your loved ones but the point I'm trying to make here is, what are you building your identity on? Isn't it something that you worship?

"You should worship the one who is worthy of your worship."

Who am I?

p/s: "Cast Away" (2000) is a movie I cried so hard when I was watching. Precedent to none, of no successor. oh well, maybe "marley and me" came close. A scene in "Bridesmaid" reminded me of that... :')

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Love and Freedom

When we talk about love, any form of it, the warm, bubbly, lovey-dopey images pop out. When we talk about human rights and freedom, how religion impeding our humanity, violent, protest and demonstrations come to mind. Now, link love and freedom. These 2 elements do not fuse together but have horribly yet beautifully trespassed the borders of each's private realm...  

Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. 
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; 
avoid all entanglements; 
lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. 
But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. 
It will not be broken; 
it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. 
The alternative to tragedy, 
or at least to the risk of tragedy, 
is damnation. 
- C.S.Lewis

You yearn for freedom, and may I ask you what kind of freedom are you searching for? Why are you trying so hard to attain total freedom? The pursuit of happiness, perhaps. And that, don't you obviously felt it - the pure joy - when you met the love of your life, or whenever you are with him/her? Allow me to ask you again, having achieved that joy, have you achieved total freedom? that liberty you've been fighting for day and night? Then why o why, my friend, are you condemning Christ for limiting your freedom of growth and development? Isn't that also a kind of love - the complete one?