Friday, December 30, 2011

Dream: Bullied

I woke up this morning, rather late again. It's nearly noon. Then proceeded to staring at the ceiling for...god-knows-how-long. It's nice isn't it, having the whole day's time at your disposal? Even, if you have to pretend that's the case. I tried to recall back the dream that had awaken me earlier. It was a strange dream. (Sad to say, I have rarely any "psychic" dreams lately) I was once again in my secondary school uniform, a very short, skinny and timid girl. I used to carry this huge school bag on my back with lots of books inside, most of the books were not required for classes, but I just like to carry them around (until the age that I realised my height issue was to be blamed on the weights on my back all these days). I entered my form 4 classroom with that blue pinafore which I had ditched during my upper form years to pursue a better sense of fashion in school uniforms - black skirts, impeccably ironed silky, white shirts and black heels, at times, a shinny black jacket to suit. Yes, that silly blue pinafore which made me looked like a silly kid, whom people had numerous times mistook me as a Form 1 kid, rather than an upper form student, soon to graduate from secondary school.

My temporary study table in SG
Measuring Eternity by Martin Grost

I entered the class and I saw all my form 4 classmates but I talked to no one. I put down my bag at my seat, at the last row of the class (tho in reality, the kiasu me would never take the back seat, always the front-middle seats). Then I proceeded to do my duty according to the roster - sweep the floor. Amusingly, I enjoyed cleaning the class so much in that dream. People who had known me long enough to realise, reality could never be farther than that absurd dream. Laugh, go on, laugh.

When I returned to my seat, I noticed my books were all over the place. My bag was, instead, stuffed with BROOMS and the handle of the brooms were sticking out of my poor pink bag like a porcupine. Simon, a good friend of mine whom I had known since primary 1 was the culprit! He splashed water at my pinafore then laughed mischievously. "Why are you reading medic books? We are just form 4 kids! NERD!!" he shouted (in the dream of course, Simon would never dare to do that to me in real life, unless he totally loses his senses or he decides to end his time in this realm earlier. I nerd, but I don't ALWAYS nerd as I slack through most of my secondary years, and no, I was not even slightly interested in those type of books) I did not shout back, or slap him, but quietly dug out the brooms and replaced my books, walked out of the class, weeping by myself. Maybe it was just too pathetic, the dream stopped there.

I could barely recall how my primary school life was like, other than being punished by the teachers almost every single day for doing total idiotic stuffs like gluing my palms together, making flowers using the belt on my uniform, fighting with my friends etc. I asked my mom later, if i always get bullied because I'm quite sure, I didn't bully people. Trust me. I was too small and skinny compared to peers of the same age when I was younger, it was almost impossible for me to be at the superior end of the bully spectrum.

My mom recalled, I was indeed the one being bullied, even up to Form 4. HAHA, I couldn't even remember that incident. It was a classmate of mine, name, starting with J, I'll keep his identity anonymous just in case he still feels embarrassed by that incident. My mom told me, I complained to her at the beginning of Form 4. Being the teacher in the same school and taught us before, she coincidentally met J and asked him "WHY YOU BULLY MY DAUGHTER?!" Haha..mother instinct acting. Of course, he was in the state of total denial!

Honestly, I could not remember a single thing about that. There are millions of funny moments during my secondary school years that I could no longer remember even when I had just left that school for 2 years. I only remember we all laughed a lot, it was like watching some comedy in school every single day. Too many had happened these 2 years, they had probably taken up all the memory space I have. Or maybe, those experiences were just too traumatic that my mind had chosen to forget, let go. However, there is one thing I was so sure of, J don't dare to bully me, at least since the mid-year of Form 4. Perhaps, it was due to the "promotion" I had in school. Bear in mind, to pick on someone of that rank in school was to put yourself in never-ending cycles of community service. Still, I believe, that wasn't the factor per se, if-you-bully-me-i-won't-lend-you-my-homework-anymore-then-you-will-die-when-teacher-finds-out was a bigger threat to him at that time. Haha!!

People change, really. J, Simon or any of those people that (may) have bullied me before, we are all still bunch of good friends now. All those dramas would just fade away in time, and all that is left are just topics to reminisce and laugh together at when we all grow up. If you are a nerd, just like I was, or I am (=.="), and you are not bullied, lucky you, grow as much as you can in your gift; but if you are sadly being pick on, teased, please, don't throw yourself in despair. Seek help if you need. Be bold and courageous! There's never anything wrong in having the ever-flaming passion in acquiring knowledge as long as you would use it to the wellness of people around and ultimately, to glorify God.

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