Sunday, February 26, 2012

Crazy

I am labelled as crazy/gila/abnormal/siao for almost every single day of my life, at least since college started. Through direct conversations, messages, texts etc. It is to the extend that I can write a book to tell you about the millions applications of this word, in many languages and dialects. Am I angry, annoyed or irritated when I get this? I was surprised at first, then confused. In my eyes, I act and talk normally. I eat, sleep, walk, like anyone else do. I do what you do, excluding the certain exaggerated bits done on purpose. Why do you call me crazy? No, I am not a single bit irritated by this label, at least I know I'm cool enough to allow the space for your sincerity and honesty.

"Madness is the inability to communicate your ideas. 
It's as if you are in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything that's going on around you, but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because you don't understand the language they speak there." 
- Paulo Coelho, Veronica Decides to Die. 

Sometimes, I wonder what your inner voice tells you. Mine talks to me all the time, from the second I gain consciousness (before I open my eyes) and sometimes in my dreams. I always talk about dreams, but I never fancy experiencing it. What if, it's bad and it's prophecy? I don't know. Many times, I tried to tune its volume down but it's mute button has somehow gone missing so I've learnt to live and talk to it, not verbally of course. I appreciate freedom away from Tanjung Rambutan, tyvm.
I yearn for a companion, someone who is like me but not exactly me. I yearn for a companion  who I can reason and argue with, and won't be annoyed if I ask many obvious, weird questions. A person who is interested in studying wide range of topics as I do. A person who likes books and would love setting up a library at home with me. A person who has the passion and thirst for knowledge as I do. A person who doesn't mind talking about astronomy, eschatology, biology, history or any geeky stuffs over dinners. A person who doesn't mind studying the whole day to seek for an answer. A person who teaches and is willing to be taught. Most of all, a person who understands my obsession in science. Science is not about manipulations or getting the datas; science is a way to reasoning. Yes, I long for a friend like this. 

I act crazy in front of people most of the time, it's because I don't know how to act otherwise. I don't know what to talk to people, for I know their interest is definitely not science (up to an accuracy of 99.9%) but I want to befriend you and I don't want to bore you. I absolutely love conversations with people, so I don't mind messing around and talk nonsense with people. It seems like having fun by being crazy is the easiest way to bring laughters to people around and I too, enjoy being immersed in those happiness. However, I must finally be honest with all of you that, that is not me, for if you are careful enough, you would have observed I am quiet or lost in my own world at times. I don't blame you for it because even my family members don't understand this at times as they sigh, shake their heads and look at my pile of books and scattered notes. My messy room. They just think I acted weirdly but have long ago decided to let me be, as long as I am happy. Thank God for a family like this.

Call me crazy, but let me reason with you. 

Come now, let us reason together, 
says the Lord: 
though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.
Isaiah 1:18

p/s: ok, I do like to be crazy, not because of anyone. Dare you to instill mediocrity in me! 

Saturday, February 25, 2012

SUSOM 2012 Official Video

SUSOM 2012


I just came back from a life-changing journey with the SUSOMites and SU staffs. SUSOM stands for Scripture Union Students on Mission. It is a program for school leavers of 18-20 years old with the objective of exposing the ministry of serving the Lord in mission fields to the students. The following is my sharing during the closing dinner. A thorough reflection will be on my private blog. :)  

When I first signed up for SUSOM, I was not entirely clear of what we are supposed to do here. I only knew we were going to Cambodia at the end of this 3 weeks program and that’s it. What to do in Cambodia, that I don’t know much either but I do know one thing – this is how a mission should be, trust in the Lord that He will lead you in this walk of doing His work.
When I first came in late, I saw everyone has already bonded so well together, that’s my first fear – will I be able to fit in well? The answer to that, I will leave it until later on. We went straight to the Faith EFC IG Camp in the very beautiful Golden Sands Baptist at Port Dickson the next day. It really gave me a fresh sense to Inter-generation camps as it didn’t matter if you are 70 or you are 7, we all enjoyed the time together listening and doing a skit of a very prominent part of the gospel, and also repeated throughout SUSOM, Luke 5:1-11. Besides, I have also learnt to juggle between being a leader and a follower as we were facilitators to games as well as team members. It was also my first time witnessing baptism in the sea.
After a short relieve back here, we were off to Ipoh REACH again in just 3 days. For this REACH, we were all encouraged to share our testimonies in YF and CF. It was a good experience of applying what we have learnt in the workshop before to reality. I was assigned to conduct an ice breaker during the visit to Wesley Methodist YF and it was my first time conducting a game session. I thought I have planned it to the finest bit on paper and everything would turn out well, instead, that session was a total chaos. I was devastated but very much encouraged again when we have the de-briefing session later to discuss on improvements to be done. This is one very important bit that makes me to be not afraid of challenges, and really, take failure as a priceless opportunity to learn. And indeed, we all have learnt much from that experience. Next, 3 of us were assigned to do a session on “Faith” at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church. I can’t describe how scared I was that time, so did I see the anxiety in my companions’ eyes too, yet we were sharing on FAITH. What an irony! We prayed, prepared and our first experience as “speakers” turned out to be quite an unforgettable experience at the other side of the podium. We were also exposed to the camping ministry when spending a night in the tent at SUFES campsite. Being a Sarawakian, who is supposed to be close to the jungle, I must say it was a really great first experience for me to do a night hike and I would very much like to do it again!
We were back in PJ for a day, and then we were off to Phnom Penh! I must confess that I was really afraid the minute we boarded the plane that I thought I have paid RM1800 to get myself into a big trouble. The Cambodians who sat behind us couldn’t understand English at all and the air stewardess was having a hard time trying to convey a very simple message. What are we going to do?! However, I soon find out, Phnom Penh was nothing like I have expected. The people here, especially SU Cambodia staffs were extremely welcoming, friendly and helpful. Plus, Cambodians cook really nice food like beef noodle and fried rice which explains the tightening of my pants over the course of only 6 days. But of course, we have to get to the serious business – we are here on a mission. I believe the message that glares at me throughout this trip is kids are precious to the Kingdom of God and I have learned to spend time with them to love them. Kids are no longer little devils, but little angels that taught me so many lessons, from the kids at the Orphanage at Centre of Peace to the kids at the slum areas and province. We danced, we sang, we jumped and we talked so much to get the Good news of the Lord to them and I truly pray that they do get our message. Many times, in our testimonies, especially of those from Christian families, we criticize of the vague memories of Sunday school we have, and how we didn’t take it seriously. Then, why do we actually travel so far to tell them about something they won’t remember? It is because it really does make a difference. If we were never told about Jesus when we are young, what if we next get the chance to listen about Him anymore? And how sure are we that these won’t be the guides that the kids will grow with later? Besides, we have also met a few interesting characters that sacrifice so much of their time, money and effort just to allow the kids in the slums to listen to God’s words. I was never exposed to children’s ministry this much before and I pray that God will give me a vision or courage to do something about the children and youth ministry in my hometown when I go back. Also, Act 1:8 has never struck me this hard before: You will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth. I was really amazed when I saw God’s words being translated, preached and discussed in words I can’t comprehend, song of praises being sung in a language so alien to me, to see believers in a culturally different setting. This is what Jesus meant by “to all nations”, "to the ends of the earth", and I believe there are really, much more to be done!
Apart from all these adventures, I have met so many people in the past 3 weeks that I must apologise that I couldn’t remember the name of every single new person I’ve met. They are so many interesting personalities but all of with great faith towards the same God that I felt so encouraged to truly follow Christ at all times. We’ve also met a missionary from North India that truly inspired me. Also, I must say that we are really blessed bunch of SUSOMites. We were so well taken care of in every place that we’ve been! From members of Faith EFC, to students in YF and CF, to the different churches we’ve visited, to the Long Sitha, Ravy, Sukun and many other SU Cambodia staffs that took great measures to ensure our comfort, and finally, our SU mamas and papas here. I couldn’t thank God more for this! And here’s the answer to my first fear: Can I fit in? After my first day in SUSOM, I felt I’ve known these bunch of peers that sometimes go cuckoo a bit for many years! It was a great experience serving the Lord together, isn’t it?
Under all the activities, we have to catch up on our daily journaling, quiet time and reading too. Prayers and bible study were constantly in the picture too! It was hectic, really hectic that many of us got sick after the Cambodia trip. We barely have enough rest in between each trip. But I must say, it was really a great adventure I’ve been blessed with. Going to places I don’t know, meeting new people every day, listening and sharing stories wherever we go – stories about how Jesus Christ has touched each of us despite our VERY DIFFERENT backgrounds. This experience has also opened up a new door to me as I experience so much joy in serving the Lord full time – how about being a full time missionary after university? J






Home

A place where you could chill, relax. A place where you can release your stress, scream, cry, laugh as loud as you want, rejuvenate, recharge until you are prepared to face the world again. A place where you can really be yourself, act stupid, sleep with your mouth open and drool, sit with your legs on the chair. A place where you don't have to put up with anyone or any mask. A place where hypocrites can be themselves. A place where you can chill on the sofa and watch telly in whatever position you wish. A place where you know where your stuffs are, thought some are not in place, but you are never afraid to dig every single corner to find it out. A place where you will never get sick of cleaning it. A place all of you would be so glad to decorate on Christmas, Chinese New Years. A place where you can invite your friends over, that you called it your own. A place where you can have good food, chat and have fellowship with your friends. A place where you can invite them to stay over for a few days, then they will leave, but you will stay. A place where you have a say. A place where you know the rules and the loopholes too. ;) A place where photos of familiar faces are hung around. A place where you can hang a cross any where you like and won't get detained by the authorities for doing so.

A place where you can practice your piano, violin or singing that no matter how badly it sounded, you would still get standing ovations. A place where you can stack all your piles of books and papers scattered everywhere and study late night. A place which the phone number you would never forget. A place which you could get back to or move around with your eyes closed. A place where you were being fed, chased around while you were still wearing diaper, where you learnt your first words, first steps. A place with the corner you knocked your head on when you were just three. A place where your smelly pillow, blankie is. A place where you were jumping around with your first pet. A place which is the background in your photos through the years. A place which smells so familiar. A place which feels so familiar. A place that will protect you from many physical harms, "bad people", intruders, faces you want to avoid at the moment.

A place where you have a permanent corner to spend time with God. A place where you can talk to Him in whatever way you want. A place where you somehow feel you are very blessed to be in. A place which is a gift from Him. A place where you truly experience a very unique type of love from God. 

A place where you know you have your loved ones always there for you no matter what happened. They will be right there, ready to listen and comfort you after you are exhausted of exploring the whole Earth. A place where your mom would cook good food, your siblings would work together to clean the house, where dad would be outside washing the car. A place where all of us would finally gather after scattering around for years. A place where we could all talk whatever we want without reservations. A place where we could watch any tv channel we like, and if we don't, we are not afraid or ashamed to fight for the remote control. A place where you can crack lame jokes and still get laughters for it. A place where you are forgiven no matter how huge your mistake is. An origin of the countless memories you and your loved ones shared together. A place where the compass in you will refer to, in case you are lost, someday, and you badly needed a shelter because you could continue to wherever you are heading to.

A place where you know no dangers. A place where you know no strangers.

I see strange people. I think I lost my compass, have you seen it?