Monday, May 28, 2012

Priorities

And in the end, I chose to take up my responsibilities. This is an inevitable fact of growing up - to take up the responsibilities that you have been entrusted with, no matter what the cost may be, no matter how painful the process may be. It's yours, means you must never push it away. Face it, head on.

I've planned to go to Redang, to Penang and to Jayesslee concerts with my friends this coming end of month. Into the planning process, everything was progressing not so smoothly but the enthusiasm was never less, not even a single bit. We all looked forward to fun awaits! But, there are so many other factors to look after (time, money etc) that I can barely breathe upon looking at these details, then only I realise how bad my time management is and how lousy my communication skills are.

"But this is my gap year! My responsibility is to play!" I shouted when we were discussing on, or should I say, it was not even a discussion at all, all the decision were made before I make any noise at all. I resented, raged like a monster, complaining how unfair everyone is to me. Why aren't they going according to my plans? I've worked so hard on something I'm not even interested in, on something that I wished to quit as soon as possible, on something that I sigh and my heart drops every time I think of it, can't I claim back my rights?! or at least, my rewards?! I'm paying on my own ok, you are not suppose to boss over me.

Wait, pause for a minute, take a step back and... What am I talking? What are my priorities? Since when that MY pleasure has topped the list of priorities? Yes, the financial part is within my own means but are these pleasures beneficial for my growth, serving the people around or glorifying God? No! The resentment are because I'm afraid that I'll miss out the chance just to play!

So in the end, I took up my responsibilities. This means I will lose out the chance to go to those new places and spend more time with my friends but for what I have promised, I will do what I am supposed to do, even if it means I will have to watch my friends post up their photos on FB, posing by the crystal blue sea of those paradise. It's not that you are not allowed to play, to enjoy life and its pleasures, it's just...Set your priorities straight. You can enjoy, when you have planned everything properly (but do prepare for the unforeseen), then set aside the time to enjoy those stuffs because the centre of life should have never be, purely playing and enjoy wasting the time.

However, don't you think there are other matters that bring greater pleasures than your hobbies, travels?

It's the peace, the joy and fulfilment of that emptiness within the soul! Oh, do remind me how beautiful it is to enjoy such love from above! No other thing posses such serenity, such richness, such refreshing moments like worshipping and serving the Lord do. No, it's not a matter of impulse or temporary but more like filling a gap within with something...really long-lasting. I shall not go deep into that due to time constraint but I once heard from a senior, "I won't read my textbook until I've done my devotion and read the bible." We were all shocked by that statement that time, but isn't it true? I mean, humans are made to worship God and it is only through worshipping Him that we find true joy. If life is a pursuit of happiness, the answer is there, just reach out your hands and take it! There, by revealing the top of my list of priorities, I hope that I am now being held accountable openly and feel free to whack me as hard as you wish if you find I'm swaying away. Pray to the Lord that I will never drift away from Him. Be faithful, be faithful.

 By keeping God in the centre then my responsibilities (studies, work and promises made to any beings) next, I do hope things won't mess up again. But then again, where do relationships stand? Above or below the responsibilities? :/


Thursday, May 24, 2012

People change.
True friends embrace the changes, forgive, love and grow together.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Updates on work and church

"Welcome to the world of OCDians!" I could almost hear that in auditory sense every single morning. I have been on my job for more than a week now, and at the end of most days, I walked out of the office, sighing, complaining about how miserable this job is and how it miserably messed up my perfect holiday life. The problem is, I have huge issue with consistency and neatness. Yet those are the very qualities that are to be found in an accounts clerk. Oh ya, extreme efficiency too. Your handwriting must be neat, clean (mine was usually beyond legible). The papers must not be rolled or crumpled, they must be perfectly smooth or at most, folded into half. The documents must always be arranged in specific ways: according to dates, invoice numbers, alphabetical order, in reverse or normal order, from left to right, from front to back or back to front etc. The holes punched for filing must be on the exact same position for each piece of document, regardless of the paper size. And who says you can work without thinking? There are surprisingly many "procedures" to be done! You have to remember which documents to photocopy, fax (and to who) when people throw you a banker's acceptance application, which documents to photocopy and combine for each different purposes, which company to call, which documents to send out, which bank's cheque to be filled and bank in for each company, which program and steps to key the datas into the computer for every different types of informations and a very minor, subtle yet vital point - remember every document that have been on your hand, so when your boss runs over and ask you, "Have you seen XXX's receipt?" then you will know what to do. Otherwise, the hunt for that small piece of paper could wreak havoc with the whole office.

Perhaps I am really not an office material. I never like routine, repetitive events, which explains my addictive nature towards surprises and unforeseen circumstances. Never mind the annoyance caused,  at least those exciting events get adrenaline pumping in the body fluids and are brain-stimulating. These repetitive works are rather numbing...slowly becoming lazy to think, putting off whatever sparks of creativity left. The effects are pretty evident. :/ Nevertheless, I dread for any form of productivity... so I don't really mind hanging out in the office although the nags from my senior to "write every single alphabet clear and straight" has developed OCD in me and in herself too. Oh ya, not forgetting the part, exactly where to staple the documents. =.=" Do your job NEATLY! is what I get every day. (my books and papers are always crumpled and scribbled all over. I guess that's the difference between authentic book-lover and book-content-lover)
This job has affirmed me of another preference of mine: I like to work with people. You know how sleepy am I throughout the day when I saw the pile of paper on my desk but when my senior asked me to phone the companies and talk to the customers, I could totally picture my own eyes lightened up.
These encounters have made me realise that God really does know the best for each of us, even when we could not see what's ahead. He will provide. Maybe, His grand plan of pushing me into Medicine is His purpose for me after all.
Anyway, my colleagues are really nice, funny and warm people that the working hours are with rich supply of laughters and...food. Shouldn't complain at all. :)

These few weeks things have been rather set and balanced. Church is awesome, I mean, having to consistently attend the church I grew up in is really comforting. And, OH THE JOY of being baptised after missing the opportunity for years! I was finally baptised and confirmed last week. :D Many people were surprised of my baptism tho, because it seems like I grew up in a Christian family, why am I only baptised at this age? That's another long story but I can only tell you the journey to even get baptised was not easy, it's impossible without God's grace, God's will. Besides, I have befriended quite a number of new friends there! Having peers of my age in this home town is what I hoped for for years. Having brothers and sisters in Christ to hang out with is an even greater blessing! Since secondary school ended, my group of friends have separated and moved to other places for studies and work, those that stayed behind are busy with their studies, so this town seems rather 'deserted' at times. We volunteered at a newly established Methodist church in the outskirts of this city last weekend and taught English to the bumiputra kids. Who says volunteers gives the most? I say volunteers receive the most! We have 'earned' priceless experience just by spending an afternoon with those cute angels. They spoke in Iban and Melanau so I can roughly piece up the puzzle to get their meaning but what struck me most was, their level of education. These kids stay in the city yet they can hardly speak any proper English despite the free and easily accessible education being made available. I have no idea how that happened but there was this primary 5 girl who can't even finish her alphabets! (And I thought most kids these days are able to sing the ABC song at the age of 2) Thank God for blessing us with this new perspective. Plus, our church is seeking for sunday school teacher to teach in that church, am seriously considering it but kinda put off by the distance I have to travel and the short duration that I'd still be in this city if I were to commit into it. In retrospect, this might have something to do with the promise I've made and prayed about at the end of SUSOM: to serve in children's ministry in Miri when I return. I dearly hope this is the beginning of it and do pray for the Sunday school there! :)

It's almost the end of May. 3 months to go. Oh yea~

Sunday, May 13, 2012

There he was, trying to convince the readers about the non-existence of God with a very persuasive tone; exactly a quality that lawyers must possess. However, there he was, while couldn't prove himself to be unerringly right, he's begging evidence from believers of God. He used Einstein, Hawking, Darwin's On The Origin of Species and plethoras of other scientific evidences to back up his arguments. Don't get me wrong, science has greatly contribute in helping human to attain a more comfortable life but is every facet of it really so concrete, infallible? No, the hypothesises that were proven to be right by Science are only waiting for the next 'geniuses' to nullify them. That aside, wasn't he putting his faith in the theorists too? He has never touch, see, smell, taste or feel these giants of the science and history in person, and I don't think he understand Einstein or Hawking's full calculations and theories either; Darwin's theory is just another theory (some argued it is, but a hypothesis) until today, something humanly impossible to be evaluated, compared, or proven with current technology, at least until the day someone invents a Time Machine to travel back time and comes back with the answer. Yet, he puts his faith in them, his 'divine being' in the sense of humans in the past.

Next, he talked about making the world a better place based on humanity. Firstly, why do you want to make the world a better place? You do believe in goodness too? Why do you think every being on this planet share the same definition, perspective of goodness as you do? What is the people in the past, present, future hold different view of goodness from you? Aren't you evil in their eyes? So what is humanity? What is goodness? Based on what standard? Based on conscience? Where does that conscience comes from? If mixing a few organic compounds, heating on a Bunsen burner, cooling or maybe bombarding the compound with electrons could, by chance (as you supposed how the universe begun), voila! create conscience in a test tube, why didn't you try doing that? Isn't that an even more solid, infallible option to proof your 'faith' once and for all than to write numerous lengthy arguments, speeches? Oh, you are not a man of science, but pardon me for my dullness in arguments, which elements are you talking about that makes up your personality again? Why has not any one succeeded in making conscience and personalities after billions years of countless trials, errors, experiments?  Why can't the giants in science you are so fond of (despite claiming you are not a Man of Science) create conscience or at least, prove where does this trait that runs in all homo sapiens comes from? Or are they lacking in certain mental capabilities? Oh, the time has not come yet for them to reach that stage of scientific advancement to prove this 'fact', so, now you are putting your faith in a future 'unknown genius'? Yet, he puts his faith in them, his 'divine being' in the sense of self and on someone(?) in the unknown future

A mathematical equation even popped out later in his argument. To make it even more convincing, he quoted Dawkin's what if I am wrong? At first glance, it seemed quite 'true', but it's a completely different story at second glance. With every single point he made, he made a huge assumption beforehand, exactly the statements that he, himself could not prove. Yet, he puts his faith in them, his 'divine being' in the sense of waves of thoughts, or should I put it in scientifically-proven terms, surges of electrical impulses in our mind as a result of chemical reactions between hormones.


There are many other flaws, which I am quite surprised that such an intelligent, bright, eloquent young man like him would have overlooked as he tried to make his arguments perfect, infallible. I apologise for the straw man statement I am about to put up here but: If he were to counteract with 'no human is perfect', why exactly is he putting his faith in himself/humanity then? Why is he thrusting his hopes in himself that will inevitably fail him, when any god, as he assumed, could be right? However, we are not playing "Risk" or rolling a dice here, nor am I interested in worshipping with an "what-if" in the centre of my soul all the time. We are sure of what we hope for and certain for what we do not see. Therefore, I deeply apologise again, my fellow being, for I could not hold this omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent and perfect God in my palm and show Him, as an object/calculation/theory/philosophy right in front of your eyes that might have resulted in your current 'belief'. As your friend has put it in very direct manner:

Did you not know that we as humans are limited in our natural form in many ways? Simply put it this way, a normal person is created with five senses to help go through the day doing daily tasks. What about one that’s born with no gift of sight? He lacks one and thus he regards sight as a non-existing factor that most of us enjoy and believe exist. So here’s the deal; lets say God is something to be experienced and “seen” with senses 7 and 8 then I strongly believe we are missing out the point of God’s existence. At the end of day, we find ourselves debating to whether or not God exist based on scientific methods, protocols and humanly understanding without realizing how limited we are in terms of abilities and knowledge.

I do not understand what you did meant by "This, is precisely why I do not believe" when you have clearly put your faith in the past, present and future, on deities of all kinds. My mind does not contain the answers to your sophisticated assumptions, nor am I equipped with ability to debate, refute and counter your complex arguments eloquently, unless the Spirit does it through me. I could only pray for you: May the Lord open your heart, mind and soul to Him, then you fully understand and be part of what He means by Love. May God bless you. 

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Last of bumming around?

Finally got a decent job with a nice, huge organization. Not a trainee/tutor any more but lazy afternoons like this will be scarce now onwards...  oh well, at least the days will be more productive. :)

Tutoring

I never knew tutoring could be this maddeningly fun. Yes, it's mad, but strangely, I enjoyed every moment of "torturing" those kids who just hit puberty and think they are the king of the world. (ok, that sounds really ridiculous but please bear with my sarcasm) And just as I have always labelled myself, the kids have finally called me "a witch" today. IMAGINE THAT. HAHA. I could never picture myself to be a kind, gentle mother in the future. But again, maybe I will because I didn't even raise my voice, or physically torture anyone throughout the session (except a rough "you guys dont diam here diam there, you diam lah and do your work, now!")  and I just gave them THE STARE, and an "excuse me, young man?" The kid compliantly said, "Oh sorry, nothing nothing, you are very pretty." Then I gracefully returned his 'compliment' with a smile and continued my verbal tortures of nagging non-stop. I thought only old woman does that... urgh.

"Eh lao si, you know he got gf d?!"
"Oh, so?"
"Neh, outside there! She's form 4!!!"
"No wonder you guys keep peeking out. Are you guys in Form 2?"
"Yes..."
I turned to the one with the Form-4 girlfriend he was so proud of and replied,
"YOU, better start doing your work now. Your girlfriend passed her PMR, you have not!"
"Yea lo, later your girlfriend don't want you..." his 'brudder' added.
"I passed UPSR.
After saying it, he shamefully laughed at himself. seriously, UPSR?! 

"Are you from Chung Hua?" one of the 'si gina' asked.
"Yes." I replied indifferently without looking at him, after being annoyed incessantly. 
"Did you join brassband? PBSM? Kadet Polis?"
"No."
"Oh i know, BOMBA!"
"No."
"Then what are you?" He was taken aback with a very surprised expression.
"I am calon bebas."
"What is calon bebas?"
"Shut up, do your work." 

"Eh, why are you on the same page after 1.5 hours!!!??"
"I am slow ma, I'm doing at the speed of 1 km/h." one answered.
"Eh you, can you please pick up your pen and look at your book?"
"I can write with my bottle." He proceeded to picking up his bottle and pretend to write with it.
Flabbergasted, I stared at them, "Are you guys 14 years old?!"


"Lao si, I think you are very kelian lo because you have to teach us."
"You know what? I totally agree with you on that." Nodding my head furiously.

After the session, I went out and talked to the clerk.
"So, what were they doing?"
"Talking non-stop but still working on their papers lo."
"Really?!"
"Why?"
"They usually walk around, play with ipad/iphones/phones and would never sit still."
Now I get why they called me that. =.="



But fortunately, not all kids are like that. I had a session with Form 5 students on Maths too. Although they didn't really understand the questions on the past year papers they were doing, at least, they asked and we could all discuss constructively. The hours spent were fruitful and we all were happy with the session. Same goes to my private tuition before. Oh, how I miss tutoring that student! She was really keen, hardworking and attentive! It was really enjoyable spending my time with her...

Why can't all students be like that?

But again, I was the one sleeping in class during secondary school. The right to these sort of complaints will never be mine. LOLS. *guilt*

some literal records. some reflective. we can't always be monotonous, can we? 

Macaroons & fats

Shouldn't have done this crazy, sugar-loaded experiment at such hour. It's nearly midnight and I'm baking macaroons....To make the situation even worse, I couldn't find a proper filling at the moment so it was substituted with durians. DURIANS! the most fattening fruit on earth. So there, lots of sugar + durian + midnight munching = disaster. 
I have tried 3 times now and...failed 3 times. Yes, the macaroon in the photo above is a extremely failed one. I mean, look at the ugly cap!!! And who uses durian for fillings? Perfect disaster, spoilt the elegance of this supposedly delicate, small, fragile French delicacy...A dessert done meticulously with smooth caps, light and fluffy, fit for the ancient royalties. A fruit harboured by extreme patience. 

From the perfect macaroon I once greedily savoured from Canele (which until today, I could vividly remember how it tasted, the texture), I never knew the process of making it requires absolute precision, accuracy and speed. Too much folding, and you get watery batter which is good for nothing but to be thrown away; too little folding, the batter will not be smooth enough. And whole lots more details on the whisking, sifting and baking part... Oh ya, the room temperature and humidity have to be controlled too. The ingredients are extremely cheap but the process is tedious. Thanks to Chef Jeremy's distance coaching, at least there are improvements after each bake and troubleshooting. 

I wonder how many more trays of eggs will be wasted until I get this thing right... another thing, never, ever bake in the middle of the night again! I say, NEVER! 

maybe when the door is closed, it can't be opened with the same key again...Some chances are only there for once in a lifetime.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

The Stay at Marina Bay Sands

Home sweet home, finally. I am convinced that this time, I will stay at home for at least until the end of next month, or even better, until September. I have no idea why am I so fond of staying at home lately. It's not like I have anything particularly meaningful to do at home because all I do most of the time is just sleep, eat, create noise pollution with the music instruments, go online and read. Or maybe, there just isn't much to do in the city. The only face-to-face social interaction I have, except on Sundays, is with my family and the 10 cutest canines in the world. Sounds sad? But all I want is to stay with them as long as possible. There's not much excitement at the moment thinking of the days ahead after the "Yay! I got into medical school!" to now "OMG! Why did I do that to myself?!" Ok, that was just a joke. Besides being a tad irritated by the myriads of administrative paperworks to be done for the visa applications (ironically, joyfulness fills each time those par avion mails come in with my name on it), I am definitely looking forward to the studies, uni life, friends, and the "culture shocks" awaiting on the other side of this globe. 

Ok now, back to topic.

As a pre-celebration for Mother's Day this coming Sunday, we brought mommy to Marina Bay Sands to enjoy the weekend. I've been to the Skypark before which cost SGD20, bloody expensive, just to enjoy the night scenery but I must tell you, staying there is quite a different, very pleasurable experience. We stayed in a standard deluxe room with a spacey balcony overlooking the open sea...with many huge vessels, ships and occasionally, fishers' boats, which strangely looked like toys, fragile, at this distance. When the sunsets, the ships turned on their lights until the sky was completely dark, that sea could be mistaken as just another side of the land on this beautiful island. The best part about our room was, it was a corner room! So we get extra windows at the side. 
Work out @ Banyan Tree Fitness Club, 55th Floor, MBS.
Perhaps, I have this strange relish with city skylines. I've been in Singapore for countless times, and thank God for the opportunities to enjoy this view from many different angles and different times, but satiety of purely enjoying this beautiful view from afar has not quite set in yet. As all hotel guests are entitled to enjoy the service of Banyan Tree Fitness Club during their stay, we changed into our workout outfits and headed immediately after checking into the room to the 55th floor in Tower 2. Sweet! How can anyone not be motivated to work out under such environment?! There, with my mind's propensity to wander, I couldn't help but to pretend to be philanthropist, doing her usual morning jogs in her penthouse with the whole city in sight, with the latest news on CNN is being presented right in front of her on the tv, on her exercise machine. All these are actually true, except the philanthropist and penthouse part. Or maybe it's just the person's part that is untrue. 
Sighs of satisfaction. Oh, this is gonna be a good life, good good life...
One of those breath-taking moments
Skypark, Marina Bay Sands, Singapore.
We went for window shop and dinner at the Shoppe just across the road then straight back up to the Skypark for dip in the Infinity Pool. There were tourists, but it wasn't really that crowded that night so we picked our own corner and enjoyed the scenery for as long as we like...after the maniacal photo-taking session of course. ;) Be sure to bring your best camera with fully charged battery and ample memory space! With lights flickering through the night down there, music playing the background, soft breeze caressing our cheeks while we dipped in the cool, aqua pool... I won't further degrade that wonderful experience there with my poor writings, you just have to be there to experience it yourself. 
Sunrise at the 57th floor
Early next morning, my mom, sis and brother-in-law went up to the Skypark to watch sunrise! I didn't join them because...I was emo-ing about not bring my camera there so I rather curl up in the bed and sleep through it. Haha, no! I admit, I was just too lazy to get up that early. Judging from the photos they took, I was convinced that they were completely amazed by the sheer beauty of the sunrise that morning. It was quiet and cool that early morning, without any visiting tourists to the Skypark. 

After hanging around the "deck" of the ship for a few more hours, we had to leave before noon, rushed to the airport. Although there are rooms for improvements for the facilities of the hotel, it was overall a very pleasant and relaxing experience for us. It may be over-priced and over-rated in some way, but I'd say it's worth the try if you planning for an easy and relaxing trip in Singapore. I know many people are going there for the casino's sake but as I am totally against the act of gambling and under-age, I shan't talk about it here. 

That's it for our pleasant experience at MBS and
Happy Mother's Day in advance! 




Friday, May 04, 2012

Ridiculous pronunciations

It was on the label on the glass panel "Chitpotel Southwest" at Subway.

"So what do you want?"
"I want yellow mustard, sweet ranch, vinegar and..." I frowned and looked at the label. "And...what what what whatever that is southwest."
"Pardon me?"
"What what what southwest," I repeated and smiled at the person. 
He turned to the side and laughed. "Ok, so here's your sub with what what what southwest. New recipe! Yay!"

Talk about embarrassing moments! I am starting to think my kindergarten teacher somehow let me escaped during the test for reading, writing and counting because I obviously can't pronounce many words accurately! Tell me how you pronounce the word of that sauce above? Is it cheet-poh-tell or kai-po-tel or cheet-pott-eil or kai-et-po-eal?  I just don't have that "common sense" for pronunciations, even for the common words we've all been using for years. *bangs head to the wall* 

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Haircut

I once promised my bunch of pretty amoi-amoi back in secondary school that we would cut our ponytails together. Few of them courageously did it but I chickened out in the end. It's just too scary to see your "hard-earned" long hair to be chopped away like that. A promise is a promise, after 2 years, I did it. :)
Got my haircut finally at Monsoon, Novena Square with this awesome stylist at SGD50 (freaking expensive, I know, but thanks to my sis for the sponsorship. Hehe!). Love the way he shaped the whole thing, my hair makes me look rather stylish *vain alert!* (when in reality, I can't be any more geeky-looking). The good thing about having a good hair style is that you can wear pyjamas on the streets yet still look like a fashion diva. Oh yea... *wink*

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