Christine Wong's TSA

Chinese New Year 2012

2012-01-30T14:41:00.000+08:00

CNY, one of the best festivals in a year! You get to meet almost all your relatives and friends that you've missed so much and haven't been catching up throughout the whole year due to work/study/situated at different places. Of course, my family do make the annual pilgrimage to Sibu, grandparents' house for the celebration. It's odd though, to see all the younger cousins growing up. They were just babies the years before, and now, they are in secondary school! (Ok, that just sounds dumb, of course people grow up) But to watch them grow up, it's just amazing! Sad thing tho, is with those that are slightly younger than me, we used to play masak-masak when we were toddlers and conversations just sparked even when we haven't been talking to each other for the past 12 months. Somehow, things change. Maybe we are older, shy-er, we just stop talking. Hope to reconnect back soon! And with those cousins that are older than me, no problem at all! (By older, i mean at least 8 years and above older than me) Somehow, I'm better at mingling with adults than kids. The fact has always been like that, I'm handicapped. :/ Or maybe I grew up with siblings much much older than me, I just can't juggle the conversations with younger ones as smoothly. One fact changed last year: I do not DISLIKE kids/anyone younger anymore. They are cute. :)

I enjoy celebrating CNY in this little town in the middle of Borneo - Sibu! :D This town is like a "ghost town" on normal days, so little souls, uncomfortably quiet, contrary to all the noise pollution in Subang or Miri. But when it comes to CNY, people just flood into this town, cramming it and all the traffic congestion...Urgh..haha. However, I must insist that everything is perfect for CNY there! You will never get fireworks as great as this any where else on the surface of this planet, I can assure you that. Not Miri, not Kuching, not any where else. Not even London on New Year's Countdown comes anywhere close to what we have here in Sibu on CNY Eve. (I remember Kim, (Baobei's son - Pagi's mom) who's from Houston told us she has never seen anything like this, it was like World War III out there!) Being dubbed the "dangerous" one of the house, ya think I'll just stand aside and snap photos? ;)

Note: This author discourages the act of fooling with illegal fireworks or firecrackers and holds no responsibility for any losses, claims, damages, awards, penalties, or injuries incurred, including reasonable attorney's fees, which arise from any claim by any third party.

Another part that I would definitely miss is - not the Ang Pows - the food! Aside from savoring the Reunion dinner,which we had in some fancy restaurant every year with family karaoke sessions, I'll definitely scream for this: Oh, the CNY cookies! Those small, delicate, bite-size cookies are just awesome, very fattening, but who cares?! You cannot find them lying on the shelves on normal days, but only through orders during festive seasons like this. I have no idea what are those cookies called, except for Kuih Momo and Kuih Sepit, but I'll definitely post their photos up on FB. (Yes, less photos on this blog as I realise they lag the loading of this site down and FB loader makes uploading photos much a pleasant experience than Blogger.)

Next is, Angela the Baby! The cutest niece on Earth! I have tonnes of photos of her but I doubt my brother allows me to post it on any where on internet because she's...a princess, cannot let people see one! Haha... But I can tell you her cheeks are SO PINCH-ABLE! Fat fat baby fat cheeks! She's too adorable that she's become the centre of attention on every single event of our family. I wonder if other kids get jealous. :P She's growing up fast and resembles her father's face a tad too much but my aunt told me she looks exactly like me when i was her age. Perhaps, that true, that explains the fat cheeks I still posses today. One very notable thing tho, she's extremely smart. Only less than 3 months old, she's learning how to point/show "1" with her finger and now progressing fast towards "2" and learning to say her own name. Hopefully she's not a extremely-late-bloomer like yours truly here. Can't wait to see her all grown up!

Oh, I drove back from on the journey from Sibu to Miri! It was a very fresh yet kinda scary experience and I hit my highest speed ever, 140 km/h! It was during night time and was raining heavily but we arrived safely of course, if not I won't be blogging here. Sarawak's roads are UNLIKE west Malaysia's highway, FYI. There's only one lane, no street lamps and potholes every where. No toilet stops, no shops. No phone reception in most places. (So much for timber tycoons eh?! I wonder where all our timber, oil and gas profits go, Mr. Minister?) If your car broke down somewhere in the journey, you are stuck in the jungle and that's what exactly happened to us on the way back to Sibu before CNY. We were stuck in the oil palm estate for 3 hours while we wait for a tow car to come (Thank God for the reception on my dad's phone!) It was blazing hot under the noon sun, my sister and I had decided to bring "Optimism" to a new level - Me, to sit under an oil palm tree with mud on the floor and read Atul Gawande's recently published "Better" and my sister, to play Plant VS Zombie. No other place provides such great peace than this for full concentration! And are we ever so grateful it was not night time or raining?! Praise God for His protection and guidance!

I'll skip the New Year Bazaar in Miri and the Lion Dance part. They are equally interesting but I just don't enjoy them as much and I think they are over-rated. :p

On Chu 4 (4th day of CNY), our whole gang of ex-Chung Hua-ians class of 2009 went for visiting! It was a great relieve to be able to meet up with so many good friends of mine at time like this and catch up before we all separate again. It has been 3 years consecutive that we went for visiting since we left high school. We have visited a total of 12 houses in a day and boy, it was definitely EXHAUSTING but even more rewarding was the opportunity to exchange experiences, stories with my dear friends. Some parents can't even recognise us anymore since we are all grown up.

That's about it for my last CNY here before leaving for the UK and missing CNY for at least the next 7 years. I wonder when will I meet all my friends again since most of us would be leaving for good this coming months, to Australia, to KL, to UK, to US and all over the world. I wonder how CNY would be without the reunion dinner, the pilgrimage, the fireworks, the cookies, the soft drinks, the ang pows, the lion dance, the new, red outfits, the visiting and every one else. I wonder how CNY would be without my family beside. I wonder how CNY would be without all these little yet ever-so-great moments that makes everything so special here.

And again, it is when one is able to lose something, one starts to appreciate things to greater details.

Responsibility

2012-01-30T12:38:00.001+08:00

Taking it is the hardest thing to do, worst when it involves another life, another death.

You would want to blame any one or anything around, but when you turn back, there's nothing to be pointed at but a mirror of you, pointing at yourself. You've tried your best and yet it turned out not as what you have expected.

What there's left to do: To get oneself together again and think what has gone wrong. (what's wrong? You never follow the instructions on the bottle precisely!)

Note: I think I killed my pet goldfishes by overdosing them with their medications. They were very sick last few days due to infection of unknown sources. A few died. :( I even set up an ICU for the most ill fishy, that fishy died this morning however (It died a terrible death, bleached). My siblings have always told me I should choose Veterinarian Medicine instead of Medicine since I'm such a cold person towards human but when it comes to animals, I'm totally mad about them. I agree with them too actually, considering the fact that there's not even a chill running through my spine when I think of human corpse but whenever I see a carcass, I feel the urge to kneel down beside it and mourn for days. Too bad then, I'm allergic towards dogs, born not to be a vet. Or maybe I have not really encounter real life and death cases of human, as in to be involved in the saving process, unlike numerous effort on those of animals that I've painstakingly tried to save since young. Owls, chicks, ducklings, dogs, kittens...the list goes on.

But I really do wonder, what if I am the cause of one's death one day?

Dream: Inception

2012-01-19T17:58:00.002+08:00

I always have this issue with dreams. Have no idea where all these weird dreams come from. They may be reasonable before exam periods because I was under huge stress, a little bit of "wrong twitch" in the neurone signals are expected somehow. (And how i acted weirdly before the finals.) However, I'm...like...doing nothing now! Unless, I'm under stress again and this stress is due to absence of stress. Nonsense, I know. :/

I used to have these "psychic dreams", I liked to call them that way, but actually they were some kind of premonitory thingy but not every dream is that sort, just some and I do not know which kind. Lately, I've discovered that those dreams are those that I did not reveal/tell others about before they happened. And for those that I talked about, they did not become reality, or...not just yet.

I was having a nap just now, and this dream is extremely scary. It was like Inception. Dream within a dream. I am not a lucid dreamer but I remember my dreams. Being thrown into this state is scary. You couldn't control yourself, what you say and what you do. You just...do those things and be in those places, yet you are well aware that you are dreaming. I was sleeping on the couch and in my dream, I was on another couch, watching telly and slowly dozed off. Then, I was thrown into this unfamiliar place, I have no idea where it is...maybe it's my future university, or somewhere. In this whole new environment, outside Malaysia, I was in a really nice bedroom but I did not have internet or mobile connection to anyone because I just arrived. I wanted to call people I know and ask for instructions but I could not, so i just walked out of the room. The place was...old. Lots of antiques and painted portraits of some deceased famous people in the past. It was brightly lit, with chandelier above and mild aroma in the air, so I was not exactly scared but more of curious. I trailed along the corridor and finally reached a really grand lobby, with huge vase of lavenders here, there and there were 5 girls of different races and a guy sitting on the sofa sets in the corner. They spoke fluent English but I could not understand them most of the time, so I just sat there and smile. The guy said he's from Penghat (it's a dream, no such place), one of the girl was a sophomore and others were new to this place, just like me. They were discussing about something highly intellectual while I looked through the glass door and tried to seek for familiar details. All were old, grey buildings. Then, it was dinner time, the group dismissed and everyone went back to their room. I lost my direction immediately and panicked....Woke up to the noise of telly, I struggled to get my eyes to open and my body to sit up. I walked to the toilet and back onto the couch, trying to get back to my afternoon nap. It was at that point I realised, I was still dreaming. I tried to get back to the nap, closed my eyes, and I woke up, into reality.

Or is this, reality?
Or maybe, it's just the anxiety messing up my biochemistry. =.="

p/s: the University sent an email last night asking for financial affidavit. Freaking 40,000++ pounds per year, who earns that kind of money!? At the end of my 6 years course (If i manage to survive through alive and in one piece), simple maths sum up to be more than 1.2 millions ringgit (!!!!!) Excluding the accommodation and other miscellaneous fees some more. OMG. Thank God, seriously, for blessing me with a sponsor. My thoughts will never even dare to stray to the West if it wasn't for the sponsor. Thank you, JPA, I will, from now on, stop all the complaints about how "efficient" you guys are. How will those kids who have their parents paying for their tuition fees ever going to return every single cent to their parents?! goodness, education does cost a bomb, a nuclear bomb. :O

pp/s: Eat Snow!!! :D Link

Being nocturnal

2012-01-17T12:42:00.003+08:00

Since the beginning of the holiday year I'm currently, sinfully (for wasting time=life) indulging now, it was expected that I'll turn nocturnal immediately. It's like some sort of biological clock disorder, I'll automatically sleep at 4am and wake up at 12pm once exams are over. Ok well, partly it's because I like to read books at night when the surrounding's absolutely quiet and peaceful, which i am only to sit down and read properly. Or else, it will be like "Once upon a time" *click on FB* "there was a girl" *go toilet* "who has" *do chores* "disability in" *ooh, what's that on tv?" "reading continuously" And when i finally sit down and try to read properly, I was like what did i just read? Let's start from the beginning again and again. Thus, the European Clock I have adopted despite living in this humid, hot country in the east. (My mom thought I'm training myself to get used to the time on the other side of the world so the jet lag will not be so bad by then, but since January? :O )

Sun rise, it's time to sleep!

Mom showed me an article in the Star this morning, Sleeping beauties in school. It made me laughed *guiltily* inside (My mom taught me in school), for it reminded me of my secondary school days, as well as a little tiny part of college days (Fine, 90% of Maths class. Don't ask me why, I have no idea how that happened too). They were the days when I couldn't help but dozed off in class, especially in those afternoons after a filling lunch. And this sleeping sickness was really contagious! First it spreads to those around, and slowly to those sitting at the back rows...soon, the whole class was in sleep mode. The teacher gave up and did something else instead. A mystery tho was that once the teacher said "Class dismissed!" everyone woke up instantaneously and fly like a superman to the canteen. Talk about rejuvenation!

Hopefully, this stinking habit of mine will not appear in my university life later, or "Doomed" will be the first word in my dictionary.

So, I've thought about it, I've tried correcting this bad habit. Caffeine seemed to work at first, but my body sort of developed tolerance towards high level of caffeine after abusing that drug for a few months.

Coffee - key ingredient in a doctor's blood. Our veins would collapse without it.
Quoted from Lynnxuan's FB status who quoted from some random novel.

Ah, we, Pre-Meds, tho are far from being called a Medical Student, what more to say a doctor, are very prominent group in this caffeine abuse study. Classes start at 8.00am, you'll see humans walking like half zombies into the class, slam their books onto the desk. 9.00am, try walk into the class again, I'd be surprised if you didn't scream "Did these zombies ate all the students?!" Considering the multi-layer eyebags and bloodshot eyes, pale faces of organisms inhabiting that space, it's hard to recognize these were once homo sapiens. Rapid evolution must have taken place in just 60 minutes. Again, walk in at 10am, suddenly, you see HUMANS again! They are alive! But, please take a look at the poor dustbin in the corner, filled with all brands of caffeine/energy-boosting supplies: Nescafe, 7-eleven coffee, Redbull... No, no Starbucks, for goodness sake, at least RM10 for that mild caffeine?! The effect of caffeine will kick in in just 30 minutes and last for about 3 hours on average. And as good students we all are, of course we do take heed of the advice on "Consequences of Excessive Caffeine Intake" from the columns of free newspapers, complementary to the tuitions fees we paid to the college. (Told you that extra paid for miscellaneous fee does worth something!) Hence, by 1pm, you'll see zombies again. Only this time, their faces won't put you in terror anymore since their head no longer have the ability to defy gravity, or they just like to kiss the desk more than facing the lecturers.

I've tried to sleep early, (def sleep early: sleeping at 12am, it's early what?!) but the efforts seem to be in vain until yesterday night, I've made a shocking discovery - A cheap and effective remedy! Instead of the normal novels I cling on before sleep, I took a huge anatomy book and start reading, with Bach on headphones. Before the second song ends, I was sleeping peacefully like a baby.....snores...

And that ends my nocturnal life. I'm once again, living under the sun! :)

oh wait, I still need to find a way to stay awake during study time... :(

p/s: Got an offer from Cambridge University for Medicine at Gonville and Caius college a week ago. Finally, a university is willing to accept me, Thank God and may all glory be unto Him! It was long, tedious process which I will blog about soon. Any soon-to-be course mates/seniors? :)

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

2012-01-12T13:28:00.003+08:00

by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

After 1.5 years, another miracle.

2012-01-11T01:57:00.002+08:00

God is indeed powerful. This is the second time this week, i have been flapping my hands like a chicken, screaming like nobody's business in the middle of the night. After the nightmare-ish, hellish interview, I nearly cried in the cab on the way back, pulling myself together to face the 2 final papers the next day.

I see my peers and their conditions.
It was impossible.

I do realise every single detail in our daily life is a miracle. To be able to breathe, to walk are miracles but I've forsaken all these many times. And yet, God showed me again, He is THAT powerful. He can do whatever He wants no matter how lousy we are.

I will tell more, when everything's settled down.

Wilting flowers

2011-12-30T17:07:00.003+08:00

You saw me bloomed,

flourished, when my colour was the strongest;

You bathed yourself in my perfume;

You were in great joy,

for all these miracles are the work of Yours, and Yours alone;

But save me, my Master,

as I know my time in this worthless world is coming to an end,

they had abandoned me;

Adore me, if You would,

and I know You would, my Lord,

at this age,

when my colour is gradually fading,

until I could no longer stand to worship you,

but to meet You,

face to face.

Dream: Bullied

2011-12-30T16:49:00.001+08:00

I woke up this morning, rather late again. It's nearly noon. Then proceeded to staring at the ceiling for...god-knows-how-long. It's nice isn't it, having the whole day's time at your disposal? Even, if you have to pretend that's the case. I tried to recall back the dream that had awaken me earlier. It was a strange dream. (Sad to say, I have rarely any "psychic" dreams lately) I was once again in my secondary school uniform, a very short, skinny and timid girl. I used to carry this huge school bag on my back with lots of books inside, most of the books were not required for classes, but I just like to carry them around (until the age that I realised my height issue was to be blamed on the weights on my back all these days). I entered my form 4 classroom with that blue pinafore which I had ditched during my upper form years to pursue a better sense of fashion in school uniforms - black skirts, impeccably ironed silky, white shirts and black heels, at times, a shinny black jacket to suit. Yes, that silly blue pinafore which made me looked like a silly kid, whom people had numerous times mistook me as a Form 1 kid, rather than an upper form student, soon to graduate from secondary school.


		My temporary study table in SG Measuring Eternity by Martin Grost

I entered the class and I saw all my form 4 classmates but I talked to no one. I put down my bag at my seat, at the last row of the class (tho in reality, the kiasu me would never take the back seat, always the front-middle seats). Then I proceeded to do my duty according to the roster - sweep the floor. Amusingly, I enjoyed cleaning the class so much in that dream. People who had known me long enough to realise, reality could never be farther than that absurd dream. Laugh, go on, laugh.

When I returned to my seat, I noticed my books were all over the place. My bag was, instead, stuffed with BROOMS and the handle of the brooms were sticking out of my poor pink bag like a porcupine. Simon, a good friend of mine whom I had known since primary 1 was the culprit! He splashed water at my pinafore then laughed mischievously. "Why are you reading medic books? We are just form 4 kids! NERD!!" he shouted (in the dream of course, Simon would never dare to do that to me in real life, unless he totally loses his senses or he decides to end his time in this realm earlier. I nerd, but I don't ALWAYS nerd as I slack through most of my secondary years, and no, I was not even slightly interested in those type of books) I did not shout back, or slap him, but quietly dug out the brooms and replaced my books, walked out of the class, weeping by myself. Maybe it was just too pathetic, the dream stopped there.

I could barely recall how my primary school life was like, other than being punished by the teachers almost every single day for doing total idiotic stuffs like gluing my palms together, making flowers using the belt on my uniform, fighting with my friends etc. I asked my mom later, if i always get bullied because I'm quite sure, I didn't bully people. Trust me. I was too small and skinny compared to peers of the same age when I was younger, it was almost impossible for me to be at the superior end of the bully spectrum.

My mom recalled, I was indeed the one being bullied, even up to Form 4. HAHA, I couldn't even remember that incident. It was a classmate of mine, name, starting with J, I'll keep his identity anonymous just in case he still feels embarrassed by that incident. My mom told me, I complained to her at the beginning of Form 4. Being the teacher in the same school and taught us before, she coincidentally met J and asked him "WHY YOU BULLY MY DAUGHTER?!" Haha..mother instinct acting. Of course, he was in the state of total denial!

Honestly, I could not remember a single thing about that. There are millions of funny moments during my secondary school years that I could no longer remember even when I had just left that school for 2 years. I only remember we all laughed a lot, it was like watching some comedy in school every single day. Too many had happened these 2 years, they had probably taken up all the memory space I have. Or maybe, those experiences were just too traumatic that my mind had chosen to forget, let go. However, there is one thing I was so sure of, J don't dare to bully me, at least since the mid-year of Form 4. Perhaps, it was due to the "promotion" I had in school. Bear in mind, to pick on someone of that rank in school was to put yourself in never-ending cycles of community service. Still, I believe, that wasn't the factor per se, if-you-bully-me-i-won't-lend-you-my-homework-anymore-then-you-will-die-when-teacher-finds-out was a bigger threat to him at that time. Haha!!

People change, really. J, Simon or any of those people that (may) have bullied me before, we are all still bunch of good friends now. All those dramas would just fade away in time, and all that is left are just topics to reminisce and laugh together at when we all grow up. If you are a nerd, just like I was, or I am (=.="), and you are not bullied, lucky you, grow as much as you can in your gift; but if you are sadly being pick on, teased, please, don't throw yourself in despair. Seek help if you need. Be bold and courageous! There's never anything wrong in having the ever-flaming passion in acquiring knowledge as long as you would use it to the wellness of people around and ultimately, to glorify God.

Trendy STALKER Parents

2011-12-30T00:47:00.000+08:00

Hi Dad, Mom, I know you guys are reading this but whatever I will mention below, please don't scold me, I'm just...telling the plain truth. :P

My parents are the weirdest pair on earth. Many times, I just couldn't comprehend their mind. Here're a few examples:
Incident 1:
Normal Parents: "Eh! Tomorrow got exam right?! Go study! I send you to tuition!"
My parents: "Eh! Tomorrow got exam right?! Let's go to the beach to enjoy the sunset and de-stress. Want to go shopping? Aiyoooo, don't study liao! You want tuition? No, don't waste money, study on your own!"

Incident 2:
Normal parents: "This test must do good good a! Must get A a! If not..."
My parents: "Aiya, got pass already very good la!"

Incident 3:
Normal parents: "You want ipad?! Useless. No money. Don't need."
My Parents: "Nah, iPad, give you, with pink cover. *I rejected* WHY YOU DON'T WANT!!?? Take it!!! Oi! Take it!"

Incident 4:
And if you ever wonder why am I so hooked to my phone... the following photo should explain everything...

Cutest mom ever!

Incident 5:
During d'NA camp, my dad called...
"Hello."
"Hi, Daddy."
"How are you?"
"Ok ok lo.."
"WHY YOU DIDN'T UPDATE YOUR FACEBOOK?!"
"... I'm in camp, dad."
"YOU SHOULD UPDATE YOUR FACEBOOK EVERY DAY!"

Then I told mom about this,
"Ma, dad scolded me for not going on facebook during camps."
"YA LO, you didn't update!"
"Why should I update every day?!"
"So we would know you are alive!!!"

Please. Is there something wrong with me or my parents? I felt this is..utterly weird. Trust me, you think it's very fun, but I'm just plain confused most of the times - confused of whether to laugh or to cry. Nonetheless, thank God for my cool parents, I couldn't ask for more.
Please share with me your story if you have stalker/awfully cute/out-of-this-world parents too! :)

Phantom of the Opera - All I Ask Of You W/ LYRICS

2011-12-29T23:49:00.000+08:00

*melted*

Gadgets

2011-12-29T00:21:00.001+08:00

You looked at a person sitting right in front of you for a second, then you looked down, not a special thought entered your mind, no special feelings.

Awkward silence for 5 seconds.

You started fumbling with the latest gadget in your palm. 3G's on, good. Let's go on facebook/twitter/blog/whatever social network. You saw your friend's latest photo on the screen then you started smiling by yourself with that pale, white light shone on your face.

You partner across the table looked at you. "What are you smiling at?"
You looked up for a second, "Oh, nothing. Just some photos. Let's take a photo so I can check in."
Both of you smiled at the camera.
Then you continued fumbling on that piece of aluminosilicate. Ah, be careful! You must be really gentle to this thing, not too hard on the screen or it may spoil the screen protector which cost bloody $25, or worse, it may break your swarovski manicure! You looked back on the screen, another funny 9gag photo.

"Oh quit smiling by yourself there! Eat your food!...."
"Shhh..." You put on your earplug, continue scrolling.

We rather focus our attention, offer our smiles and gentleness to the cold, emotionless machines than the people around. What is this?

Blogkeeping

2011-12-28T23:13:00.002+08:00

A superb book to recommend to ya all. :)

I was so amazed at how the author tried to counter the skepticism of people nowawdays - the people driven by spirit of REASONING - who tries to reason out every single phenomenon on the surface.

It's in a Q&A form which the "A" is super long of course and answers questions like "Is there God?", "Explain Miracles", "Is Jesus just a prophet or Son of God?", "Why does God allow sufferings", "Explain the Darwinian Theory and link Science and Christianity.", "What makes Christianity so different from other religions?!" etc etc. I've asked many among these questions before, some, I have yet to ask, but I'm sure I'll encounter them myself soon (others asking me, me asking myself).

The arguments are really solid, concrete, rock-hard, jaw-dropping. Simply amazed.

Timothy Keller is a pastor and founder of Redeemer Presbyterian Church at Manhattan.

Read it, if you happen to find it and be amazed! :D

**************************************

I just turned 19, 3 days ago! Weee~ :D

****************************************

RIP to the title "Me, myself and I", named when this blog was first founded in year 2006.

That title seemed a bit..."out of my age now" and I don't feel comfortable blogging about myself any more. It's not that I have found my personality and settled with it. I'm still seeking but life is more than...events and people revolving around me. Besides, I'm more inclined of talking about thoughts than only reporting about certain incidents nowadays.

With thoughts, born speech then action.

This blog will now grow from "actions" to "Thought, Speech and Action".

Happy Reading!

Identity Crisis

2011-12-27T01:19:00.001+08:00

I wonder if any of you out there have ever watched "Bridesmaid"? prob macho guys out there would just turn down this movie once they've seen the title and won't give it a second thought, but girls?

I've been thinking a lot lately, (yes, i do posses the ability to "think" too, just...not that developed, yet.) and..I'm afraid of so many "what-if"s that may/may not happen. Those scenes in "Bridesmaids" are like metaphors, a warning of what may happen in the future. I confessed in a camp recently that I'm afraid of the future. It's glaringly obvious to every one around me and if you haven't notice that, I guess that's a perfect answer to the question of the subtle "why?" in "How did you do that?!"

Yes, that's how scared I am all these while.

Afraid of failure is a failure in itself but from whom does failure comes?

Just to quote "The best thing of reaching the bottom is, it's time to bounce back up." Beautiful, isn't it? But to face the bottom. I guess that happens, the pain, the sorrow of losing or afraid of losing something or someone happens when...you put too much hope, love, time, effort, literally your whole LIFE into it. It was until the point that, you've enslaved yourself to it. When you lose the person/thing, you've lose your identity. puff, you're gone. end of story. period.

Are you really who you are? Or are your work? your partner? your friends? your talent? your wealth, fame...? When people address you, how do they do it? "So-and-so, oh, a smart person! brilliant student! multi-talented!" WHOA! but what if you have to give up all of those one day, when you are no longer YOUR-CAREER or YOUR-FAMILY?

No, of course I'm not telling you to abandon your loved ones but the point I'm trying to make here is, what are you building your identity on? Isn't it something that you worship?

"You should worship the one who is worthy of your worship."

Who am I?

p/s: "Cast Away" (2000) is a movie I cried so hard when I was watching. Precedent to none, of no successor. oh well, maybe "marley and me" came close. A scene in "Bridesmaid" reminded me of that... :')

Love and Freedom

2011-12-20T19:02:00.002+08:00

When we talk about love, any form of it, the warm, bubbly, lovey-dopey images pop out. When we talk about human rights and freedom, how religion impeding our humanity, violent, protest and demonstrations come to mind. Now, link love and freedom. These 2 elements do not fuse together but have horribly yet beautifully trespassed the borders of each's private realm...

Love anything, and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.

If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries;

avoid all entanglements;

lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change.

It will not be broken;

it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

The alternative to tragedy,

or at least to the risk of tragedy,

is damnation.

- C.S.Lewis

You yearn for freedom, and may I ask you what kind of freedom are you searching for? Why are you trying so hard to attain total freedom? The pursuit of happiness, perhaps. And that, don't you obviously felt it - the pure joy - when you met the love of your life, or whenever you are with him/her? Allow me to ask you again, having achieved that joy, have you achieved total freedom? that liberty you've been fighting for day and night? Then why o why, my friend, are you condemning Christ for limiting your freedom of growth and development? Isn't that also a kind of love - the complete one?

Uni application

2011-11-11T13:07:00.001+08:00

is a slow-killing process. If I were to be put in the place of reapplying everything again, just kill me, or I'll suicide. Oh well, at least I have one week left till 10 months of freedom. I'll be patient with all these annoyance.

"Do not pick her up..."

2011-11-07T23:28:00.001+08:00

I have been promoted to "aunt" very recently, instead of always "the youngest one" because my brother just had his first daughter and also the first next generation child in our family!

The mashimaro face. -_-

Angela Wong

The sad thing is i won't be able to see her in real life until the earliest will be next Janurary. (meanwhile I'm still stuck here in west malaysia. urgh.) She would have grown very big by then but the good thing is, I can play with her for a year during my "gap year", hopefully, she will remember the existence of this aunty in her life when she grow up, instead of "The aunty who is still studying while I will start my school next year and I always see her on facebook photos and the one who send postcards from somewhere else." That will be really sad and that's what happened to me before, with one of my aunt who was studying in NZ when I was just a toddler. We share no memories at all for that period of time except for the photos she sent though she said when i was a few months old, she practically saw me every day. And now...one week after her birth, my brother and sister-in-law are having a really hard time taking care of her and totally sleep deprived. New parents...typical, i guess.

This reminds me of a story I have heard before, it's about a pair of new parents too. The newborn was a very active child, she needed constant attention and care. Her parents have to take turns to attend to her every minute of the day or else she would cry really loud. This continued on for a year. As if her cries were not enough for them to take, they have to be cautious to prevent further nuisance from the neighbours too (with number of child abuse cases elevating lately, it's hard not to suspect anything when your neighbour's child is crying non-stop). The new parents were determined to find a solution to end this. To end this, killing the child, is obviously, not an option. Nor does suffocating her with a. They love her, more than anything else. Besides, they were not interested to be on the headline of the newspaper about homicides. They were just tired and desperate. They sat down and talked...

The baby started wailing. They checked on her: she was fed only 15 minutes ago, the diaper was clean, she was not sleeping before this so it could not have been a nightmare, no other possible causes to the cry. Both turned away instantly and sat the the couch at the other end of the baby room, staring at the baby. The baby saw them sitting there and cried even louder. Which mother's heart would not soften upon hearing her baby's cry? The mother stood up after 10 seconds, reaching the baby.

"We've talked about this. Sit down," the father said.

"But, she's crying so loudly. Maybe she really needs something,"

"We've checked right? We both now know what's going on, so please sit down,"

"But..."

"Sit down, woman, do not pick her up."

Finally the mother sat down. The scene may seemed helpless but that's the only solution.

I could not understand the story at first. i mean, why are the parents so cruel?! THEIR BABY IS CRYING FOR GOODNESS SAKE PICK HER UP AND GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS (and to shut her up). Later, i found out the reason. Since they have check through every possible causes for the cry, she's absolutely fine and healthy, it could be another reason: she's purposely putting up a show for extra attention.

It may not be so suitable for every parent to do that to their child, because you will never know what else the child needs at that moment (he may be having breathing difficulties? or some pain? he is just crying to tell you since he has no ability to talk) but I find it rather applicable to adults. When we meet failures, it is good to have loved ones around to comfort her and help us wrap our wounds up. That way we can stand up faster and ready to take on the world again. But..sometimes, i do not know if this is true or proven psychologically, we are craving for attention from others, there's no other valid reasons to ask for more attention so...we create a scenario to "ask for it". The best way: To be in a tragedy and wait for the "rescue". We get used to it and eventually, addicted to the attention given. So, we repetitively dive into boiling water and subconsciously, crave for failures.

I know this sounds very wrong but think about it, why not? This is a lesson I learnt from my parents. They love me of course, but they want me to learn to be independent, to be strong until it is well beyond my capabilities to handle the situation. Therefore, whenever I cry or complain, they listen, they give advices, but they rarely solve the problem for me. I have to do it myself. The harder the situation is, the less they would be involved directly. It's the same as the "do not pick her up" situation, to prevent my addiction towards getting the unnecessary attentions.

How could I ever repay them? Thank you, Dad and Mom.

p/s: and thank you for visiting me at this crucial period. <3

pp/s: ANGELA IS JUST TOO CUTE. omg. :D

Random #13

2011-10-28T19:11:00.002+08:00

What doesn't God just reveal His plans for each one of us at the beginning? ._.?

The situation I am in now is so similar to the days I was having SPM. The fear and uncertainty. History repeating itself? First as a tragedy, second as farce. Hopefully, not a tragedy. and thank God for the angels who stay beside me at times like this.

Good reads for the month

2011-10-26T10:14:00.001+08:00

Complications: A Surgeon's Note on an Imperfect Science.
An interesting book on a surgeon's experience in many cases from the deadly necrozing faciitis, nausea, obesity, uncertainties in Medicine and so much more. Recommended! (for peeps who are interested in this field.) To get a better picture of Part III: Uncertainties in this book, I suggest to read this book then continue to "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell. There are parts which are inter-related.
To the person who gave me this book: sorry for reading this slow. good things must be enjoyed slowly. btw, it was a bit technical but definitely well-written. thanks! :)

Brain Matters: Adventures of a Brain Surgeon

This book burnt a hole in my wallet. RM94.50 (hardcover) but it was worth the money. Similar to the previous book, this book has included many cases of complicated brain surgeries, but in a more witty manner. I was reading it during dinner time one day at the part where a patient from rural area got infections in his brain until maggots are crawling all over. *vomit* Just another random fact: Do you know the texture of a damaged brain is like toothpaste? When you drill a hole on the skull, built-up pressure will "squeeze" you brain out.... O.O haha...

Ah, this book was on 50% discount in MPH when I bought it. only @RM25(paperback)! Most important question: Does it work? yermmmm...it depends. The effect is immediate and obvious for me but only on story books and not text books. WAI!!!?? haha.

Not much time to read non-academic related books this month due to the massive workload. and..my "mini library" in Subang is full now, am moving back to Sarawak soon anyway but the problem is: HOW TO MOVE ALL THESE BOOKS BACK? *Headache*

p/s: notice that I've blogged more frequently this month? To kill the anxiety! AAA! Tomorrow's THE DAY.

Back to home-base's library

2011-10-24T15:38:00.002+08:00

Be considerate a bit, can o not?

Random #12

2011-10-24T10:32:00.001+08:00

The past few months have been so packed with activities that every night when I lie down I would fall asleep immediately. Just a random thought, I wonder what will happen after finals, next year when I have nothing particularly important to do. Will I just lie on te couch and watch tv every day? My brain will rust after a week I think. Sedentary lifestyle is never my cup of tea. Too much time, nothing also need to worry...haha. I wonder what will my other classmates do. Any suggestionss? :p

Law Books

2011-10-22T18:10:00.000+08:00

The perfect choice to eliminate visual distractions.

Milk

2011-10-20T18:01:00.001+08:00

Finally, done with the last session of bible study for the year. It was quite a journey, I would say. From discussing which book to study, to our first meeting in Baker's Cottage, changing of venues, changing of members and even until the changing of the book we were doing, from John to James. Not to forget, the occasional inter-faith sharing of ideas. I do not perceive the "inability" to finish the Book of John as a failure. John is a very long book, to start with and we only have a year. Next, it may appear to be very literal, straight-forward at first, but as we went through some of the chapters, it has proven to be much more than that. Hence I believe there are so much more in the Bible, waiting to be discovered, if only, we are willing to read it, and not just stop there, but to STUDY it. ( The knowledge of the secrets of the Kingdom of God has been given to you, but to the rest it comes by means of parables, so that they may look but not see, and listen but not understand. - Luke 8:10) So yea, we, (or at least for me) have learnt to read beyond what the words literally meant, but not in a twisted kind of way of course. All those questions, answers, long-pauses during our studies have made me ponder a lot more, and many moments, I was in awe of how God, through the authors are trying to convey His messages to us. Not just any message, but the message to eternal life, to be closer to Him and the absolute, truth and answers to all our prayers. Therefore, I would not say the "effort" to finish John was in vain, rather, a fruitful one as well.

We changed to the Book of James after 6 months because out of the three of us left (Yuen, Nicholas and I), 2 of us will be finishing our course in Taylor's, just so to "finish a book", we have decided to change to James, a shorter book yet very concise and practical, easily applicable to our daily life. From having a confident stand in chapter 1, to compassionate service, careful speech, contrite submission and finally, a warning for wealthy and finding comfort in the words of a just, compassionate and merciful Judge that is coming, this book has indeed in many ways challenged and made me "think twice" of my faith in my Saviour. Is my faith genuine? Am I a hypocrite? Is my submission to Him complete? For whom/what purpose am I praying for? And the highlight of almost all sessions, pride. It is also through this type of "independent" bible study group, I have seen how hard is it to maintain the dynamic and the consistency of studying the Word together week after week after week, even when we all have other commitments and dead tired after classes every Tues/Weds/Thurs afternoon. No time? Learn to make time for God!
(Thank you very much, Chun Chung for facilitating us all the while.)

Milk, is the first and sole food for most newborns. Babies just wail, open their mouth and wait to be fed. They depend on it for survival, yet they do not know the importance of it. As they grow up, only then they would realise, milk is what keeps them alive and they can never wait to be fed for the rest of their life. They have to learn to search for food, ask for it and feed themselves, or the consequence may prove to be fatal. Same goes to our spiritual life. When we first hear the gospel of the Lord and believed, we were spiritual newborns. We depended on our "spiritual parents", pastors and elders of the church to tell us more about the Good News. All the advice, nags and sermons may seem redundant at first, because we do not understand it (good for you if you were aware of your thirst for this wisdom even at the very beginning). We listened, we learnt even if we were under force or obligations (eg, dragged to Sunday School). Then, we grew up, bit by bit until we realised the importance of the Word and have the urge of wanting to know more about the Father, like a child wanting to grow up. Though, spiritual growth is harder than physical one. It can be easily stunted, or worse, reversed. Of course, our faith, the faith of a worthless sinner, may waver many times under trials and temptations, but "perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:4) That one day, we can finally meet our Creator, not as a foolish little kid who may have a great philosopher in front of him yet laugh disrespectfully at his weird-looking beard, but as a servant who yearns to worship God forever.

It is almost the end of college. The following weeks, rather than a died-down, cooling period to all these hussle and bussle of my vibrant, eventful college life, I would rather say it is the peak instead. An abrupt stop after that? perhaps. It may not be glorious, glamorous in other people's eyes, nor a smooth-sail as I presumed it to be, but because I was more unprotected, "suffered" more than my previous high school times, I have learnt to rely not on anyone, or anything, but solely on God. This lesson is of course, not done yet, and it will most probably take a lifetime to be completed but yea, I believe this is a peek of it.

As I have endeavoured to put my college life into His hands, I will continue to do so to for my future. It is to thy will, my Lord.

Ecclesiastes 3

2011-10-18T15:43:00.000+08:00

There is a time for everything,    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.
  What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
  Whatever is has already been,
   and what will be has been before;
   and God will call the past to account.
  And I saw something else under the sun:
   In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
   in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
  I said to myself,
   “God will bring into judgment
   both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
   a time to judge every deed.”
  I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”
  So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

I shall not make any long-winded comment on this chapter. Gained comforting, priceless personal message from God. Posting it here as a personal reminder for the future as of how this chapter once meant so much to me and to share to my dear readers, who have randomly stumbled here.

p/s: it has been long since I last played a proper piano. Was so determined to "revitalise" my rusty skills (and partly to de-stress), played 4 sonatina pieces in a row. (Tone-deaf currently but fortunately my sight-reading skill is still "boleh tahan", eh sight reading skill very important for lazy people who do not practise regularly kay!!! *guilty*) Wrist-ache now but feeling very satisfied. Picking up piano again for my gap year? Perhaps. :) still, i wonder why did I hated piano lessons so much last time?

Random #11

2011-10-16T21:09:00.003+08:00

I only talk politely to the people I do not relate well with. :(
and I do not understand why some people can be so cold-blooded. bugger.

Reflections below the red moon

2011-10-15T10:16:00.002+08:00

There are some people who are present in your life for a moment, yet leave very long-lasting impacts. They came in quietly that you would not have foreseen these people will actually have any significant influence in you except that you guys chat on FB occasionally, then you ended up did not finish your homework for the day (if you consider that as...significant, then fine.) . As time goes by, you reflect upon your social life and how much you have grown, and "BAM" only then you realise these people, even with their mediocrity, have slowly creep into your life, erode your principles and turn you into something that you would have never imagined yourself to be. And though they may not be physically there anymore, their comments and beliefs leeched into your mind, taking up gigabytes of your memory and exhausting your RAM. (ah stop these gibberish talk) It can either be positive or negative changes, but never neutral. Thank God, when I close my eyes and reflect, I see people that had mould and twist my personality into something else, something Better.

I pray, many times God answered quite instantly. Very blessed, I know. However, we were having another bible study that day, probably the second last for me, on James chapter 4. "Ye ask, and receive not, because ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts..." (verse 3) I thought, true, of the many times we ask from God, He answered, what about the millions times that we prayed and those prayers are not answered? Is God intentionally ignoring us? Or is He enjoying the sight of us, mortals, suffering in turmoil down here? Through that verse, clearly, He is always listening and always present. We pray for knowledge, wisdom and GOOD GRADES, but deep down, for whom? If it is to feed our own pride, why on earth that should God encourages that? Pride will only turn us away from Him! Good grades, good grades...who is it for?

Please, grant me a heart that unceasingly longs for You.

p/s: Bloody red moon seems very scary, reminds me of "the sun will be darkened and the moon will turn red as blood, before the great and glorious Day of the Lord comes." I wonder if it has anything to do with the haze....

Heart of Life - John Mayer

2011-10-12T16:19:00.000+08:00

Weep no more. You are not obliged to do stuffs that you do not enjoy. If you do not like what you are doing, stop doing it or else do not complain, for you have chosen it yourself, to not solve the problem the one you like. There are definitely multiple ways to solve a problem. Just ask, and you shall receive. :D

Slack

2011-10-12T00:55:00.003+08:00

28 days till BMAT. 16 days till my finals. 15 days till Camb interview. Have been working so hard lately, for too long I guessed, I see the need to "slack" for these 2 days. Yes, the need to slack. Maybe I was moving too fast for too long or pushing too hard, relaxing for a while feels odd to me. I know i should not be slowing down now, not with all those BIG DAYS just around the corner but maybe, i just need a rest.

Sometimes, there's something better than a sleep to rest. Sleep does replenish your physical need for energy but I find hiding under the comforter, reading a non-academic, good book, hugging a soft toy at quiet night like this, does the rejuvenation trick better on me, mentally. (Thanks for my room mate for going off for her holiday, now i have no one to pillow talk to. :( Faster come back.) Some music made the ambiance even better. A little pause at reading. Ah...threw those worries behind for a while and happy, sweet memories with special people in my life flashed through my mind.

I tend to rush things in my daily life. Every single thing. Walking, talking, doing my work. When the efficiency of certain matter/people does not meet my expectation, I tend to get very upset. Only at times like this, when the pace is deliberately slowed down, I find there is indeed no need to rush. Patience. To love, give, help, and expect no return, at all.

It is only at times like this, I reflect and remind myself of the purpose of working so hard all along. Then, procrastination, fatigue and anxiety will be eroded and be replaced by motivations to work. refreshed.

I is happy. :)

Abraham Verghese: A doctor's touch | Video on TED.com

2011-10-10T00:26:00.000+08:00

An inspiring speech about modern medicine. It profoundly addressed the dehumanisation of modern medicine as technology advances. Have you ever wondered what happened to the cold doctor-patient interaction nowadays? Have you ever been in a situation whereby you have waited for 2 hours in a clinic, yet when it is finally your turn, your doctor just look at your wound/injury for a minute while listening to your complains, scribble some notes onto a paper and the consultation ends? It is true that technology advancement had made major contributions to the medical field, and is continuing to do so. This has made many incurable diseases being cured in much shorter, painless and efficient ways. However, this too might have contributed to the "check-box doctors with a heart of stone" syndrome nowadays. Treatments should be patient-centered, catering not only to their physical needs but also their emotional demands.

Doctors are, unarguably, the highly-respected group in the society since the beginning of Medicine until today. However, with so many other new "careers" emerging, it seems that a doctor's role can be easily replaced by others. Doctors "fix" human body with the assistance of computers and high-end machines like CAT scan and MRI. So do an engineer or mechanic, designs and fixes systems in plants with the assistance of computers and machines. Doctors are involve in on-going researches and studies. They discuss and debate about controversial ethical issues. Doctors also discover cures for some infectious diseases and win awards. However, a bio-medical researcher also deals with human body by constantly working in the lab, repeating the same experiment for thousands of times, collecting and analysing data, and more often than not, discover a cure for a deadly, epidemic infectious diseases, subsequently win the Nobel Prize. Doctors, not so special anymore? With the number of medical schools increasing at such alarming rate (I personally do not think that increment is good), almost any one can be a doctor now, just like any one of other occupations can switch to be a doctor, after training of course. Yet, can every one be a good doctor? No, the key point that differentiate good doctors from all other careers is: Doctors heal needy SOULS, not objects.

"I will always, always, always be there. I will see you through this. I will never abandon you. I will be with you through the end."
-Abraham Verghese

p/s: I can't help being impressed by Bell's teacher and the Sherlock Holmes part. O.O

Random #10

2011-10-09T02:39:00.002+08:00

Seriously, why waste time entertaining people who does not appreciate you as who you are? Why waste time on people who do not "walk the talk"? Why hang on to those empty promises? Forgive and forget. :)

Random #9

2011-10-02T22:05:00.000+08:00

Following the emo post "Warmth", I have received much "warmth" from friends all around. Thank you so much. However, like I have said at the end of that post, I have recovered from the shock and I was never in the state of being depressed nor going into depression any soon. Yes, I was stressed, but stressed is different from depressed. Failures like that are bound to happen once in awhile, it was only that I did not post every single one of them here. There are times when I weep quietly by myself and times when I keep those mistakes inside. However, for whichever way I chose to handle them, there is one thing for sure: I do not reject failures. Fear not of failing and acknowledge every single mistake you have made but try not to repeat the same mistake. If that happens, it means there are lessons still to be learned. They also serve as reminders for me not to slack in my comfort zone for too long. Life is a great teacher and undoubtedly, it has proven me through many ways that it is. It has its own way of teaching us to grow. Though I am young, though I may be reckless and careless many times, but I am still learning. All I can say is, pardon me for my mistakes. I promise not to intentionally repeat them again.

2011-10-01T14:04:00.002+08:00

Does this picture look extremely familiar to you? I mean, to every girl who ever dreamed of becoming a princess one day, and when people asked you about your ambition, you didn't bluntly answer,"I want to be a doctor/teacher etc etc!" instead you screamed,"I am a princess and when I grow up, I will marry a prince and we will live happily ever after together in a castle!!!" *then dance around and wave at the entrance of some imaginary ball* sidetrack a while, my parents and i were having breakfast at some dimsum restaurant this morning and there were two toddlers at the next table. They were yelling for no obvious reasons and banging their plastic plates with forks, yet their parents acted like it's zero decibels there. Talking about inner peace! I bet no one could beat them. So I asked my parents,"I know I'm a monster when I was young, but was I far worse than that? If I was, I am really sorry," "No, you were quiet most of the time, sitting at a side, but the story was completely different when you were left alone at home," this explains why my mom was so deseparate to get me babysit last time. Ok, back to the topic. I could not recognise this at all when I first saw the picture. After moment of "deep" thoughts, the cheek muscles pulled the side of my lips up by themselves. Sticker earrings!!! Tho they look almost identical to the iPhone buttons that are in very high demand of the market currently, these objects, which now seem worthless to many of us, were actually objects I treasured more than gold during the days before pre-school. I would count the number of stickers on my board, hid it in a safe place before I went out to play with my neighbours' kids and when i returned, i would rush to my secret place to ensure my precious collections are safe. Not only these, I had also collected erasers, red packets, coins, stamps, soft toys (until my mom threw them away because these furry friends kept triggering asthma attacks on me) and I guess the most disgusting collection are the deciduous teeth collection. (My own, of course) Some of them are rotten, some in perfect condition and some with weird marks on it. Each representing a hope that the tooth fairy really does exist and slip into my room to replace the teeth with money. I think they are still in my drawers till today. Reminiscing how I used to envy my elder sister and cousins for having the permission to pierce their ear and to wear those shinny, dangling earrings, I looked into the mirror and suddenly realised how big I have actually grown. To have the autonomy over my own body, to pierce any part I like, to wear heals and pretty dresses that actually fit properly, to travel to any destination I like, to enjoy the company of people...
in short, to embrace this world in my own way.

Random #8

2011-09-30T00:26:00.001+08:00

Test my patience no more. It has been exhausted. Please take some initiatives to work this thing out if you are sincere before I declare, you are out of my life.

Random #7

2011-09-29T23:56:00.002+08:00

When panic, I bite the skin around my fingers (not nails). And I bit them until 4 out of 10 fingers bled. damn.

Warmth

2011-09-29T23:01:00.001+08:00

"For every bad thing that happens, it will bring equal or greater benefits." quoted from one of the book I was reading for the past weeks. When I was reading that particular line, I was standing below a big tree with lots of birds. Who would have ever thought, "some-dont-know-good-or-bad luck" decided to fall on me. The bird poop slipped passed my fringe and dropped on that page. "Oh gosh...." I thought, "And how will this bring any good?" (Friends might be able to recall i posted a similar status on FB few weeks ago)

And indeed, today I had learned invaluable lessons. The price paid was extremely high, the opportunities lost were even greater. I was supposed to go for Damansara for UKCAT today, paid 100 pounds beforehand. Scan through the receipt email. Took a metred taxi and went over. The taxi driver was a headache, I am not sure if he really don't know the way, or is he faking it just to earn that few ringgits more, he kept on going the "wrong way" and making u-turns. The journey which originally would have take only 30 minutes ended to be an hour long HOLAN drive. But, I sort of expected this would happen, so I started off early and reached right on time.

There I was, in front of this huge building, totally clueless of where on earth I was then. Hence, I just "act brave" and marched into the building, registered as a visitor and went to the test centre. While I was in the lift on the way up, I had an uneasy feeling inside. I must have missed out something, I should have checked what should I bring before coming, something's wrong... But resolved to dismiss those negative, unnecessary thoughts as pure anxiety before a test that I would have no idea how to complete.

Horror of horrors, once I opened the door leading into the test centre, the woman there greeted me with a question that totally stunned me, "Passport?" WHAT PASSPORT?! "You have to produce an original, current, fine copy of passport to be able to take the test." WTH?! I have no idea we have to bring passport! I know I have to bring the receipt and an identification document (in this case, i thought MYKAD will do just fine since I'm in malaysia), but PASSPORT?! It's 1.30pm and my test would start at 2pm. It's impossible now to rush back and reach here in time to take the test. I pleaded her a few times, "You just need the passport to verify my identity right? I have ic and the receipt here. I am Christine Wong." "No, sorry, I must have your passport." Then I pleaded few more times for her "mercy" to let me in. She totally ignored me after giving me the testing company's number. I was stunned. There was no way I could talk this through with her, ignoring me like this. I called the company, busy. busy. busy. I was so shocked, speechless and the time was 2pm already.

I walked out of the tower, stood under the sun by the roadside. Frozen despite the blazing sun and heat, immobile and wondered what to do next. I was literally muted for about 10 minutes. You know what was i thinking during all that 10 minutes? The fear of not being able to get into any UK university, ever. I thought about this before, but what I was thinking at that moment was, is it really coming true? Oh, I am such a failure. So dumb. So careless, as usual. I don't deserve all the good stuffs that happened to me before, someone out there deserve this more than me. This is all my own fault.

I called my mom. I messaged Wei Jie, told him about it. I called my dad, who fortunately arrived just on time to fetch me and rushed back to college placement centre. I was panicking and my sight was getting blurred. Hold it back, dont cry, hold it. Ran to placement centre, met Si Ming outside. (Thank God for her being there) Then, we started calling the UKCAT, test centre and so many other people for help and begged for a reschedule. I can not lose this chance of applying to my insurance universities. Without UKCAT, I can only apply to the other 2 universities of which are both almost unattainable. The stakes are too high to let go. I could not hold it back anymore and straight away broke into tears. Lilian and her colleagues at the placement centre were really trying their best to help me, so was my dad. Every one was calling like mad as a consequence of my carelessness. It lasted for like 3 hours. I cried, stop and started crying again while Si Ming kept cheering me up and gave me hugs. Is this the selfish side of human, sacrificing others' time in order to make their OWN dreams come true and achieve their OWN goals? I talked to the UKCAT staffs, again and again, begging for the chance. (Yes, beg for a chance.)

"I am really sorry, but this is our policy. I can not do anything to help you. Thank you and bye bye," the woman on the other side of the phone said. My heart sunk. I looked at the people around me who were so helpful through the whole afternoon but I did not feel sad anymore, I felt this sense of relieved instead (though the disappointment was still there). I felt like I am the luckiest person on earth. I was being well-protected all these years by my loved ones, or even mere acquaintances. Yes, I was grateful for what I have, however, it was not from my heart. Suddenly, I realised, despite being such a cold-blooded animal all these while, God blessed me so much with these angels around. I lost the opportunity (though later i found out, not the whole of it), but I have adopted a very different perspective of human behaviour, a more humane demeanour. To be a human, and not a working machine. Besides, I had a practical lesson on "To Never Give Up" by Lillian and Si Ming. I had finally know what do people mean by "to fight until the last drop of blood". And that little bear as a token of encouragement by other staff at the placement (million apologies for forgetting to ask for her name), I will hug it to sleep every night. :)

In the late afternoon, Ms Hew called me to her room immediately. I was so afraid that she would scold me for being so dumb AGAIN. So i cleared my nose and wiped away those eyes, took a deep breath and walked into her room. Be prepared, ;( "Hello, Ms Hew. Do you have something to tell me?" Coarse and trembling voice. Timid me. To my surprise, "Yes, please sit down dear," she hurried me to a seat, "What happened? I heard....." Then I started the whole story until I could not longer hold back my tears any more and once again, cried, there, in the vice principal's room. She was so kind, patient and tender despite all the workload and burdens thrown on her and piled on her desk. She encouraged, talked and cheered me up and finally motivated me to be greater and stronger. Just the 2 of us, in that empty office, well after 5pm as setting sun shone through the window. Another great soul in that small figure!

Just as I walked out the office, my mentor saw me with those puffy eyes and red nose. Garh, why did he have to see me in such devastated state? He has always seen me in my best condition with the winner's smile, a sociable person with satisfying academic results and millions of untapped potentials waiting to be discovered. And now this? He looked at me and I could sense his empathy for me. I tried my very best to stop crying and told him "I'm fine, sir, don't worry, I'm ok, stop looking at me like that," But i really could not stop crying, he said nothing at all. I repeated those words again and again. He patted me on the shoulder and said, "Stay strong, k? Stay strong."

I walked to the collaboration room, met a few classmates. More heart-warming words of encouragement, verbally or through sms. I had never felt this "loved" since quite a long while ago. A classmate (you know who you are :D ) even sent cake to my house while I was out, just to cheer me up.

Being in this college for almost 2 years, I had always perceived it as a cold, lonely place full of work maniacs. But today, just before the last week of college, I had witnessed a different side of this place and the people in it.

Though we failed, we have all tried our best and I prayed hard throughout the whole process. God listened to my prayer, I have no doubt at all in that. He just have a different plan for me. Now that He has closed this door, I trust with all my heart that He will open another GREATER path for me. I just have to continue to have faith in Him and continue to glorify His name, according to His will.

Note to myself:
1. Life's a roller-coaster ride. Enjoy it!
2. I'm a challenge-addict.
3. I have recovered and will continue to fight this battle.

Indeed, for every bad thing that happens, it will bring equal or greater benefits. Have faith.

p/s: Melodramatic much. :(

Preps, preps, preps.

2011-09-17T23:32:00.002+08:00

Answer all questions. Time allocated: 15 minutes
1. How's it going? [20 marks]
Life is great. Many tests, exams and interviews coming up, all requiring massive amount of readings, memory space and energy. A2, BMAT, UKCAT, Interviews...and who knows what else is going to pop out. Thank God trials was over and my results are, not bad, (hallelujah ~!) but definitely not SATISFYING (to me at least :p) AT ALL. (greed) Of course, I could excuse myself for not doing enough revision due to UCAS and other university application matters, but then again, there is no purpose of putting such excuse. It's done. It's not good enough, means I just did not do well enough, nothing else to put the blame on but *points at self* me. *sigh*

2. Now that you are a super senior, tell me, is Sem 3 awesome? [20 marks]
~~Yea, I complain a lot, bear with me, that's my only entertainment and way to release stress now. Heh.~~ Enough with those negative thoughts. Semester 3 is literally crazy. My classmates and I were recalling our semester 1 life few days ago during our mid-autumn festival dinner. How i miss those days! Slacking in class, playing pranks, shopping and adventures after classes, trips to other towns on weekends, celebrations after celebrations for no purpose... yet, we still ended up with superb results. ;) But the story is completely different now. Daily shot of caffeine in the morning to keep oneself awake in class, heads to library straight after class ends and do revision until midnight. 8 hours of sleep is a luxury, and what about facebook? Those mere seconds in between classes. Shopping? Adventures? Games? Pranks? Try any of it, you better prepare some super strong stimulants to trade your sleeping/eating/micturating (a new word learnt while nerding just now) time for studies, or else, ~~DIE!!!!~~ just be mentally prepared. Oh forget it, you will do well. :)

3. And those admission tests? [20 marks]
I seriously have no idea how to go through them. The fees are bloody expensive. What to do? Just pray and keep the optimistic thinking going on lo. *I can do it! I can do it! I can do it? Can I do it? Do what?*

4. Give a brief summary of your holiday. [20 marks]

My sis. We do somehow look a bit bit similar right? right?

This is how you spell FATNESS

Just had my 2 weeks holiday and I did not go back to Sarawak though I must admit, it was really eventful! First was GMSJ Camp (which i love the workshops very much and met lots of interesting people in my church whom i have never talked to before despite being there for 2 years now), then marathon movie day, then Singapore (not much shopping, but enjoyed a relaxing and very-stomach-filling trip), then enjoyed couple days of being solitude then TMUN. Many stuffs happened during this conference, which is technically my second conference, and my last conference in TAYMUN (hopefully not MUN), met even more people. I have never been socialising this much since long time ago. We debated about human trafficking which as usual, i have no idea what i was talking about most of the time. Though, it was very interesting because it is an above-18
conference, the level of maturity of the content
during the debate shown by all the delegates in HRC were very impressive. I have never seen delegates really trying to solve a problem by negotiating and cracking their heads to find solutions like a real delegate before. (though i have never seen a real delegate, imagination!! :P) But yea, we were really trying to find new ways of resolving issues, not just copying from what UN has got, rather refer and improvise. Enjoyed a night of dancing at the Republic and also the Party Mixer. Completely embarrassed myself by receiving my awards on stage with mouth full of noodles, nuggets... luckily no photos were taken.

TMUN 2011 UNHRC Committee

-_-"

5. Describe your current life. [20 marks]

Look at the image in the mirror, what do you see? A nerd. Yes. A lifeless nerd. But who cares?! I do not mind being a nerd for the next 2 months even if that means I have to study 24/7 because I am gonna have a "gap year" after that!! WOOHOO!!!

Random #6

2011-09-16T15:50:00.002+08:00

Addiction:

1. 1 cup of coffee a day

2. Music

keep the snoozes away when studying. super bad for health.

Changed plans

2011-09-07T10:41:00.008+08:00

Lately, there have been lots of photos from my friends on facebook about their new uni life. Canada, UK, Australia, Ireland...everywhere. It keeps me thinking, how funny and surprising life can be?

My initial plan after Form 5 was to get into any Australia Uni (which I was truly satisfied with that at that moment) and finish my degree as soon as possible then get a job and earn money, get married, start a family, raise kids then die. Even the first step was, not to say wrong, but did not go according to plans. I was not admitted into the University of Queensland (just for the record) into the faculty of dentistry using my sucky forecast results. There was only 2 places for international students from all over the world. Oh well. Then my education adviser asked me to consider about SAM. I have never thought I would be continuing my studies in West Malaysia before, just give it a try, might be an adventure. Hopefully by the end of that year, i could then go back to my initial plan, go to Australia, finish my degree as soon as possible then get a job.......

Then another changed of plan occur when my results was out. I was supposed to go to Dublin, Ireland. After that my path was...altered again. yadayadayada...lots of stories. Anyway, I saw my friends in Dublin, starting their first year in MBBS and thought, I was supposed to be there right? I was suppose to leave this place within a year right? And why am I still here...now nearing 2 years already? What happened to my plan????

Indeed, God has His own plans and we could do nothing to change that. This 2 years have been 2 most remarkable years of my 19 years life. I have met lots more types of people than i would ever imagine, had my personality twisted again and again (now still trying to settle down), tossed here and there, been through many events that somehow affected me intellectually, emotionally and not to forget, spiritually. Time can really change things. I always thought, what can 1 more year change? That's why I chose SAM over CAL, because I do not see the difference, but now I do. That 1 more year, showed and taught me many lessons that I believe would prepare me better for my future. "Why rush in to the working sphere?" I used to replied in a rather annoyed manner, "Because I want to earn money lah!!! study so much for what?!" But now, I realise that is not entirely the case. Yes, finishing the degree fast can free you into the working sphere and earn money but am I really ready to work? Without being properly equipped with strong foundations and certain state of maturity, I will be not be a "good enough" person to make significant contributions to the field of my interest, but..just another work force. I do not mean "just another work force" is totally bad, they do contribute to our society, they are the elements that keep our society going and our nation developing. But, why, when God blesses you with the gift of looking beyond that, you choose to hide away? Live it up for His glory!

This 2 years have showed me, I can be more than just what I thought I would be, of course, with God's grace (or else I would still worth nothing more than a grain of sand). It has also taught me to humble myself under all circumstances. It has taught me, life is not written like the conventional drama scripts, nor it should be the same for everyone. There is not certain model/textbook to follow, we can be as unique as we like, whether in work or relationships. That is why we should not compare. One should not blame his environment for his own blindness. There's still many opportunities out there waving, how can I shut my doors and pretend not to see them? How can I just hide and continue with my initial plan? No....there's much more in life to be discovered. Since 2 years can have such great impact on me, why then, should I not look forward for the upcoming years of studies?

Now, at least 6 years more? Bring it on. :)

Recipe to get me stressed

2011-09-06T13:54:00.003+08:00

It is not that hard.

1. Let me skip 2 meals

2. Cut off all my supplies of drinking water.

Success rate: 99.99999%

@.@ *sigh*

Leisure reads

2011-09-05T15:35:00.005+08:00

I bought this book at a book fair recently at only RM19.90, discounted price. It's hard cover! :D

I'm sure many of you have heard about Paulo Coelho before. I'm still..somewhere in the middle. It does not start well, as in, did not really grab my attention in the beginning. So, was reading in a very very lagging pace. Then it started to get really interesting somewhere at..pg 100. It's about how people always wanted fame, power and wealth in life, about winningall the time, until the extend of willing to kill to achieve your goals. (This is the part which it talks about the amazing martial arts of Russians by killing with only a grip on the shoulder with a bare hand by pressing on the jugular vein and thus blocking the blood flow to the brain.Victim dies within 7 seconds. O.o) It amazes me in such a way that, it mirrors the reality of life so precisely. For instance, in the list of 46 items which is considered as the features of being an average person, this is one of them: Despising anything that was easy to achieve because if no sacrifice was involved, it obviously isn't worth anything. (pierced my mind when i read this part..hahaha) Or how bout this: Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you won't have the energy. Literally laughed at this part....It's so, true.

There....taking my day off running around the island and hide under the blanket to read. :D

This is another book that I have just finished during this holiday. (Happy me. Haven't have much time reading books i really like. hehe) blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I found this book randomly in the library and "the power of thinking without thinking" immediately captured my attention. I thought how is this possible? Well, it turns out, it is really possible and we are actually doing it all the time. It's called snap judgement, or more commonly, first impression. Malcolm explained how we can make decisions based on what we normally called "sixth sense" and have no idea why we can make that correct decision. It is part of the thin-slicing process and based on the foundation of our experiences and knowledge before. Snap judgement most believed to be the infamous cause of "The Warren Harding Error". So, it may be the answer to why I always have this ticklish feeling when making decisions and even when answering questions during exams. It's like when I answer wrongly, i know it's wrong, but I just don't know why is it wrong and how can i correct it. dumb dumb. anyway, good book. recommended, if you are interested in this psycho psycho kinda topics.

Siblings

2011-09-05T11:34:00.003+08:00

It has been long since I last met her, my elder sister, or rather, since i last met any of my siblings or family members. I'm just glad to be where I am now, even with so many stuffs to settle at college/studies.

***************************

My siblings are much elder than I am, at least 8 years and above. And me, being 19, some how never feel that is an odd thing. I grow up to think, having a sibling which is a couple of years elder than you is weird. My siblings are the people I look up to, other than my parents, those that I seek for advice and encouragement for they have the experiences though not much because we grew up in almost similar condition, of course, i know mine deviate much than that of 3 of them since their ages are close to each others'. They will somehow understand what I am going through and give appropriate advice. More importantly, I trust they are the people who genuinely want to help you and love you since the first day of your arrival in this world, other than your parents.

When I was just a child, I am clumsy and timid in the eyes of public, but I believe in my eyes of my direct family members, I am still clumsy, but rebellious and mischievous. You will never know what sort of trouble I will get into anytime, even worse, when I am left alone almost whole day at home. It did not started like that. When i was a toddler, my mom used to send me to day-care centre before she went to work and my siblings were still attending classes in their secondary school but I vividly remember how excruciating the process of getting me into EVEN the door of that day-care centre is, for her and for me. I would scream, yell and cry, kick and punch and do whatever to NOT STEP A FOOT INTO THAT PLACE. I do not know why. The aunty there was friendly and I was the eldest kid in that centre, others are just...babies or toddlers who could not even talk properly. It was just like sending me to hell. But some how, they always manage to "bribe" me, or should I say, trapping me like hunting for animals, into that house and when I turn over, my mom just VANISH and her car was no where to be seen.

I forget exactly for how long that lasts, but definitely only a short while. I think my mom had a hard time resolving my day-care issue. She even tried leaving me in her staff room in school. There was a period of time, I was cared by my siblings at home, after their classes. They would take turns to control this little monster while I just order them to do stuffs like some princess/king (they still think i act like that now). I remember how i used to snoop into my sister's drawers when she was gone for school, then i would take all her soft toys and crayons into the living room, turn some short stools over, arrange the soft toys between the 4 legs of the stools and pretend I am driving a train. Then my sister would come back and realised her stuffs magically disappeared. Any retard would have guessed it was me, being the youngest and only kid around (it's impossible to be my elder brothers or parents right?!). Then she would scream at me, I would shout back something that makes no sense and we would eventually end up fighting. Yes, literally fighting. Imagine a 5 years old kid fighting with a 13 years old teenage girl, that picture was funny. How silly, no? But being the youngest, my mother always sided me and my sister would suffer all the scoldings. ah... :p

My brothers are different. I always feel inferior to them, unlike to my sister. (Sorry sis!) My eldest brother is 10 years older than me and he looks exactly like my father during his "handsome" days. He is the sort of brother who would smack you real hard (though he never do this to me) and scold you like there's no tomorrow if you do something wrong. But yea, he is a leader among the 4 of us and also in his school. I do not really remember much of what we did when he was in secondary school because I was still very young. But I do remember when I was just starting primary school, learning how to do summation 1+1=2, he has entered university by then (and yet, even after 10 years, i have not step foot into a uni, sad case. haha). He used to bring me to the campus. He would take me by my hand and walk me around, and his mates would ask, "Who is this?" "My daughter," he always replied that way. Given the circumstances that people do not know our real age, I was unusually small size when i was young and my brother was really tall, this reply seems perfectly logic right? I was even a bulb when he brought his girlfriend (now my sister-in-law) out for dates. Pathetic.

(But yea, don't worry, i don't remember a single detail..i just remember we went out...)

Then there's my second elder brother. He was a chubby teenager. I love hanging out with him because he is such a comfortable person to hang out with. When I was in primary school, we have this afternoon classes which you have 1 hour break before class starts. My brother would send McD Happy Meal to my class for lunch. Ask any of my primary school classmates, I am sure they tell you how vividly they could remember this. The myth about the malnutrition of Happy Meal? Rubbish, look at me now, I am not obese and certainly not a a dwarf or...grew abnormally! I am perfectly fine. HAHA. Nah, i'm just joking, having too much fast food definitely will stunt your physical growth but I do not know why it has not happened to me. or maybe it did? hmmm.... But yea, my brother always help in the kitchen and I used stare at him when he was doing the dishes and thought, the woman he's going to marry next time is probably the luckiest woman on earth. Haha.... and, it seems quite true, right, bro?

During the graduation ceremony for each of my siblings, we would take a family photo. So that's 3 years consecutively. And I remember my mother said during an occasion, appreciate the last few years 4 of us have together because it will not last long, like how my parents experienced with their siblings. True, after my eldest brother graduated, he moved to another city for work. Since then, we all started to move out of the house for studies and work, and we rarely have all 4 of us together at the same time except during chinese new year. And i fear that chance will not even last any longer... Now we are all grown up and each leads very different life. My brothers are married, starting their own families and soon, my sister will be married too. It's the beginning of another generation.

Though we may be physically apart, but our hearts will always remain together.

*************************

Spending couple days of my holiday with my sis here in Singapore has made me realised all these. I only met her 3 times for these 2 years. It's my holiday, but I feel guilty for not working and spending time fooling around here but, damn it...I have been studying every day for the past months, and now I just need a break to spend time with my sis who are just few hundered kilometres away. If you value money, power and fame more than relationship with your family and loved ones, you just devalued yourself. I despise you.

I am glad to be where I am now. Thank God for my family.

Random #4

2011-08-26T22:02:00.002+08:00

Something's wrong with me. Lost my "appetite" for taiwanese lovey-dovey series. I was sitting in an empty library, reading a serious book, right after the excruciating weeks of trial exam. And enjoying it to bits. O.o

(ok maybe not right after, cause i went for shopping! weee...you can't believe the sales, it's 70% omgomgomgomg).

Learning with humility

2011-08-21T17:00:00.006+08:00

Recently, I had a chat with a brilliant friend of mine whom I think is totally superb, genius and knows everything on the surface of this planet. She's pretty, kind, charismatic and, don't ever doubt her leadership capabilities. While I wonder if there is anybody else as perfect as her, I could not help but asked, "You received tonnes of compliments like...everyday right? How do you feel about them? What makes you so SMART AND AWESOME?!"

She laughed at my question. "No, I am not as perfect you think I am. There are many stuffs that I could not do too. But I pray to God and trust Him. He will provide, he will, believe me. Also, always have the passion to learn." To learn, she reminded me to never be afraid to ask and question until you got the answer you want. Never mind the scoldings, the insults, being look-down upon., never mind if people around are thousands times smarter than you, never mind if you are not born a genius..Focus on the purpose - To learn! Do not let fear and shyness hinder your thirst for knowledge. Be humble and work diligently because there is really no boundary to knowledge. Everyone is equal in this field, we all learn from each other.:)

Indeed,

A wise man never knows everything, only fools know everything.

p/s: Just a short post to keep this blog alive, some more to continue for this post after exam.... Having A2 trials now. Will regain freedom after this weeek!!!! :D

Jog For Hope

2011-08-06T14:00:00.002+08:00

I went for Jog for Hope with my ex-SAM classamtes, 2 Sundays ago. Luckily I managed to register!! :D (I missed it last year and regretted so much.) It's a 6km charity run organised by Taylor's College.

Taylor's College Sri Hartamas Campus

Didnt get the t shrit. arrived too late. =.=

Siok yee, who came back from Melbourne for break also came!! :)
It has been really long since we last talked. So happy to see that 38 siao po there.

And these 2 horny looking perverts.. Sean and cheng mun

Wye Hong act emo after the run.

The finish line!!!
My time was 37 minutes for 6km.

It was quite an easy run but the hilly parts were really tiring.

The race to the finish line was not the focus, instead, the time we spent catching up about how interesting and different our lives are after SAM is the most cherish-able moment of that day.

After this, I wonder when will we all meet again....

The Mad House I'm staying in

2011-08-06T13:30:00.003+08:00

I realise after so long I havent had any single posts about this house I stay in. There's only 5 of us in this house, a very rare number in rented accommodations in Subang Jaya. Normally there are at least 10 to even 20 plus residents in one house here. So, our bonds are quite strong!! :D

This is how lovable my roomate is. :D

And this is how CARING i am. HEehehhehee

Felicia, is the best room mate you could ever ask for in this world (so am I to her, HAHA :p) She's studying MBBS First Year so it's no surprise our room is filled with weird stuffs: Anatomy books, lab coats, stethoscope, pen torch, drawings.... Having her as my room mate has given me an exclusive chance of being exposed to life as a medical student this early...which I fancy but not soooo much at the same time....everyday see her study nia. but the stuffs she works on are always very interesting.

She just got her stethoscope. No harm having a camwhoring session right?

That's zi xuan, my housemate and also my classmate. Thank God she's not my room mate or else I will have to face her 24/7. HAHA. But yea, it's nice having a classmate at home to remind you to study and finish your homework on time.

"You hear that? My heart skipped a beat when I see you...."

Yea, my room mate and i have really weird relationship.

If I am a patient, I will keep a distance from doctor like this.

This is another housemate of mine. Her name is Rui Jing. SAM student, one year younger. But equally crazy and very friendly too.

She was so happy because of the pink stethoscope she borrowed from her bf, who is also a MBBS student. Hehehehe... crazy.

Act cute

Roar!!!

There's actually another housemate, but she rarely talk to us. Sad.

So there, my 3 crazy housemates, people whom i spent most of my nights in this house with, laughing like crazy over almost everything till midnight in my room. How can you be stressed with people like these surrounding you every day? Or maybe, how can you not?...hehe..our time together is running out very soon and i will definitely miss them very much.

I love my housemates <3

Random #3

2011-08-05T22:59:00.001+08:00

Glad even though totally exhausted physically but mind still in hyper state. Can't wait to rest so I can get back to my work as soon as possible. :D

Sooo....

Having interest in stuffs are you working on really does matter.

Playground

2011-08-03T16:52:00.003+08:00

Doing so many mechanics questions recently. Feeling so dizzy over all those inclined planes, normal forces, weights, tension, pulley, arrows here and there...everywhere. == But dont know why, while I was doing another question on cycling up an inclined plane this morning, an image flashed through my mind, something which I had long forgotten. it was nothing significant, but something special from my childhood.

I stay in an area with hills around back in my hometown. Usually, we have to go down this very very steep hill on the way back home. Mom used to just let go the accelerator and intervally pressed on the brake, letting the car "run free" down the hill. I remember I'll go "weeeee~~" as we go down and down, just like sliding down a hugeeeee slide.

Thank God for blessing me with Mom, who has given me so much freedom for me to travel around even as a child. I guess that's how my fetish for adventures developed. I like to travel around, to new places and meet new people, without plans most of the time. I don't mind travelling alone (In fact i love it) but I do enjoy having companies too. Back to my memory.

There was once I decided to cycle to a playground at the top of the hill by myself. The hill is steep. I always had a hard time cycling up and ended up pushing my bicycle up.
The playground was actually quite deserted, run-down, old...no one usually plays there because there was a house nearby which my childhood friends told me it's haunted. I dont believe them. It's just unoccupied for very long. The playground is not like what you see here in West Malaysia. It's rare: The slides and seesaws are made from hard woods, dark coloured one, unlike the striking coloured and plastic ones you can see over here. Many of them were covered by fungi. There were many big old willow trees there, giving the playground nice shade in the afternoons. Oh ya, and the swing!! It was made of old car tyre. I love the swing most!!! Most of the time, I would stared at the "flame of the forest' on those trees for old hours and day dream on the swing for hours and enjoyed the peace and serenity that only exist in this small "private" playground of mine. And also the breeze..... need me to say more... I would swing and swing and swing...until the sky was dark and it's time to go home.

I would position my bicycle straight down that hill, gripped really tight onto the handle and WHOOSSSHHHH cycle down the hill really really really fast.... :D

Those afternoons...those afternoons. I was really young back then. I knew nothing much about the outside world. Studies were the last thing on my mind. No facebook. No internet. No conflicts and diagreements with others. Just all by myself....Somehow business of current life made me stored this particular moment of mine deep in my mind somewhere and somehow...it came back to remind me about how much have I grown all these years and all those stuffs I have been through.

Of course, I am still growing and will never cease until the day this life ends. Memories are therefore continue to be created and stored into my mind, wishfully not only about work and studies, but of the humanistic side of this life I am blessed with, both good and bad times.

Katharine McPhee - Terrified ft. Zachary Levi

2011-08-01T20:36:00.000+08:00

Random #2

2011-07-31T11:31:00.003+08:00

For each tear that I shed, I hope that it is not shed in vain.

Maybe because I am just such a dramatic person, or maybe because it hurts so much that I could not bear anymore. I thought...I thought.....I thought maybe, those tears will ease my pain.

But, I'm fine. I really am.

Don't worry.

Grateful for stress

2011-07-28T20:00:00.009+08:00

This title may sound skeptical and absurd to many. But yes, I should, or at least try to be grateful for the tasks thrown onto me at the moment. With university application deadline, A2 trials and club activities just around the corner and many matters not settled, and that applies to spiritual and emotional sense. Priorities start to mess up and I could no longer think with a clear mind, no, I CANT EVEN THINK.

Children are imaginative, but as they grow up, surrounding influences mould them, restricting their minds but at the same time telling them to "think outside the box, think outside the box!" until the point that their shell hardened and they could not longer think ourside the box, colour outside the lines or even to think, for themselves. The number of university graduates has never fluctuate this high before in the recorded history before, yet, is the number of THINKING graduates at the same rate? Or have we stopped thinking for ourselves, but have become more tolerant and numb towards the information bombarding us at this so called golden age of technology advancement, becoming more accepting towards information without analyzing them critically or even think twice about them? We blamed the former scientists for creating so many formulas and calculations and for taking up the credits, leaving nothing for us, the latter generations to have something SO GREAT to venture and explore to contribute to the comfort of our children. But is there really nothing else? Or we are just not as intelligent as our ancestors, we worsen instead of becoming more refined?

Yes, so many thoughts running through my mind lately. I woke up this morning pondering, are God and services to His ministries starting to a back seat in my daily life? Rushing through activities and assignments without chance of catching a breath in between has left no space for me to talk to Him. I do not want to be one of those working adults who go to church services just to wait for it to end so they can fulfill their "responsibility as a Christian." I could pray to God and let Him handle all my worries and take away my burdens. But if i were to do sit there and pray only, my work is not going to be done! It will still be there as time passes. More of an excuse for procrastination? No. God listens and heal. He provides a place for us to rest, TO REST and not to slack. He will guide us through our daily life but we can not just sit there wait for food to magically appear. Of course, God can do that but He doesn't! Because believers are not suppose to be a bunch of lazy bumps who sits around and do nothing. We work to support our worldly lives just as Paul did but be careful not go overboard and be so fond and worried over wordly matters like clothes and food, nor let greed conquer you, but something just adequate to let you live your life and help others in need. God will provide, yes, He will. I am not sure how, but He will show you the way to do it when you are there. Have faith in Him.

So i got up and worked on my writing, frustrations started to build up. My mind blocked. I could not possibly get anything done at such devastated state! But a friend of mine told me, be grateful of those stress and opportunities to do those tasks! Do them for the glory of God and you will find joy in them if they are to His will. Indeed, be grateful, Christine, thank God for this. There are not many people who have the chance to enjoy the luxury of overseas education, nor studying in a prestigious college that are doing their best to prepare you for your future! Embrace times like this when you actually have the opportunity to work for them! Complete them at your best with great relish!

and stressful times like this will be aimless, bottomless tortures no more, rather, a chance to mature.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. (James 1: 2-7)

Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger

2011-07-26T14:29:00.000+08:00

Hypersensitivity

2011-07-24T00:55:00.002+08:00

Is it a blessing or a curse, to have be sensitive? or able to foresee snippets of the future?

How i wish I can be more numbed. blunt. that I won't be able to tell what others are thinking and perhaps, be more carefree.

Random #1

2011-07-18T17:25:00.003+08:00

Thank God for putting so many nice and helpful people around me. They made me feel how lucky am I to be alive today. :)
And also, those who help me to grow, though their ways are not as favorable.

First Photo-shooting session

2011-07-18T16:03:00.004+08:00

Went for my first ever photo-shooting session yesterday at Bandar Botanic, Klang with my ex-SAM classmate, Kit Shen. yay! Actually we were just doing a favour for a friend's friend to take photos for personal interest. Since I rarely have a chance (or actually never before) to go for a proper outdoor photo-shooting, I just tag along, and 'steal' some skills from the pros. There were 4 other photographers with us. Though, i admit, it was crazy, to travel this far, at this hour of the day (1.30 - 3pm) on a cloudless hot day, for an outdoor photoshoot. Had a severe headache after that. But not regretting, had a quite satisfying session. :D

one of the very few patches of clouds you can see on that sunny afternoon

This is Angeline.
Nice smile.

Being the usual mischievous teenagers, we purposely woke this cat up. Yawns like a tiger! :D

I've uploaded many other photos on my facebook. Please view them there.

Fairy tale

2011-07-16T23:48:00.010+08:00

"Once upon a time......And they lived happily ever after."

Commonly perceived as the perfect example of optimist, though I doubt myself for this description, but maybe, I am as described. Always thinking of the best, hoping tomorrow will be a better day and BELIEVING miracles will happen one day. All are just matter of time. Leading a simple life and frequently "simple-minded", I'm a happy-go-lucky person. Never hold on to grudges on others for long, though I blame myself for certain stuffs until today, I will usually forgive those people after a good night sleep. Good in a way, that it is to my Lord's pleasure to forgive, but to a certain extend, I am easily bullied. I see that. But, i just don't know how to hold onto a matter, which up to my conscience until today, nothing seems to be worth being angry at over a long period of time. Just forgive, forget and lead a happy life! :)

I know. Life is not as simple as described. Many times, many events, many people, we could let go not.

Criticised by my landlady today, I started to take notice of this over-optimist disposition of mine. "You think everything so nice? You think you living in a fairy tale? You think you are cinderella? I tell you, many people out there are suffering! You are just one of the very few lucky ones!" It hit me. Yes, as i started to reflect back, my endeavors have been rather easy ones, as compared to others. The rewards and goals I have achieved do not seems to be proportional to the hard work I have put into. Others might have traded many sleepless nights to get what I have been gracefully blessed with. (though I may look hardworking, actually my mind is floating every where many times) Things...just come. Miracles....just happen. Stuffs that I really longed for....just roll over.

Feeling undeserving at many times, many moments, I thank God truthfully from the apex of my heart and am really grateful for whatever He has given me all this while, purely out of His grace. Yet I must clarify, I do take things for granted and act like an ungrateful bastard at infinite frequency. And also not forgetting my parents and siblings, for giving all the best they could ever afford. (my parents do play a major part in rooting optimism in me.)

So,

Should I move away from the "cinderella" mindset and come back to reality? Or should I keep my "excessive optimism"?

One matter of total certainty though - God loves us, more than any of us could ever imagine.

Palm reading

2011-07-14T22:45:00.005+08:00

Once, there is a young couple. Both of them are 20 years old. Out of boredom, they decided to go for palm reading at the road side stall by that well-known palm-reader, who locals called him APEK. He is known to be very very very very accurate, especially interpretations on relationships matters.

They both sat down in front of Apek and the guy decided to go first. He lay his hands on the table, palms up, revealing all those fine lines on his hand, which will mystically reveal his future under Apek's interpretation.

After 5 minutes,

"So apek, how is it?"

"Hmmm...." apek frowned while looking even closer at his palm, "You have found your true love one year ago."

The guy smiled and looked at his pretty girlfriend who sat beside him. Yes, it was exactly one year ago, on his 19th birthday, they met each other and he fell for her since then. This apek is really good at this, he thought.

"Darling, your turn." So the girl put her hand on the table and let apek read.

The guy couldn't wait no more to know the results, so he started asking enthusiastically for the answer after while..

"How is it? how is it?" His eyes shinning.

"Girl, you will meet your true love exactly 10 years from now."

ouch.

thought of this while I was in the washroom....hahaha....

Another funny joke about palm happened during chemistry class today.

"Why is palmitic acid called palmitic acid?" Mr Lucas asked.

"Because it is contained in palm oil."

"Why is palm oil called palm oil?"
"Obviously because it's from a palm tree."
"Why is it called a palm tree then?"

"Because it looks like a palm."

*facepalm*

Bare emotions

2011-07-13T17:11:00.004+08:00

It is only to certain people, true emotions are bared.

People don't behave like they usually do in front of others.

Hyper-sensitivity.

Integrity no where to be seen.

But it is only in front of these people,

the walls are destroyed,

imaginary bridges built,

connecting citadels of strong nations,

linking amazing souls,

in an awkward way to the world.

Mask timidity, fuse courage into reality

2011-07-08T15:28:00.009+08:00

Coward - commonly viewed as a vice, an undesired character. In our society, it is absolutely discouraged. People are often encourage to be brave and bold, but at the same time courteous in dealing with matters or other beings. Timidity symbolizes weak, and just like in the natural wild world of living organisms (so it does in human world), the weak is to be eliminated and the strong ones stand out to claim whatsoever victories there are. But, is being a timid really that bad? (There goes that little voice inside my mind. :) )

I am a timid person.

A coward in almost every field of life,

except the guts to claim this label -

Coward.

Unless "motivated" by external sources or just being plain impulsive, I chickened out in almost everything. I certainly can't be sure of what people thought of me, but I'm sure some of you out there disagree with me, seeing as how I always try to argue and defend. Or rather, quarrelsome. But no, though i seem to face no difficulties in expressions but that little voice inside of me (which everyone has) is buried away under most circumstances. Scared to speak my thoughts, scared to be the first one to go for something and even scared to be the first one to raise up my hand in class even when it's nothing judgmental! It's always, "Let others go first. See if got people raise up their hands or not. See how is it first. I'm not sure laaaa...." And ended up, opportunity snatched away. Then, self-esteem was dampened..

I used to be a brave kid. A non-consequentialist.

"I do what I like, the way I want. I don't care about what you think. This is my way, stick to it, or stay out of my life."

Until i came out here and live on my own. Without the shelter and protection from parents, everything seems so different. Like a hunter searching for prey in the jungle, you don't know how the routes and structures inside, but just "trying your luck" and testing your skills though as little as you have. 2 steps forward; dub dub, you peeked around; you heard some weird noise somewhere in front; your heart skipped a beat; at the speed of light, retreating 1 step backward. And again, 2 steps forward, dub dub..... I'm always so uncertain about so many stuffs. so indecisive. All in the name of FEAR. I fear rejections, criticism and failures. Hence often resolved to blaming others. But clearly and fortunately, to my sane mind, I do notice that's destructive to my personal growth and do not build long-lasting relationships, be it friendship or lovers relationship.

Gathered up guts, prayed and turned up the volume of that little voice inside of me.

It was tampered. It's hurtful. I felt rejected and unappreciated. Demotivated and wanting to give up but, somehow did not in the end. So, I tried again. "Hey, listen to me!" Again, rejected. For a moment, I wanted to return to that comfort zone and continue life as a timid. No, even if I am a timid, I must find someway to mask it, or at least,learn to ACT not like a timid! So, I tried again and again. Sharpening that blunt side of me into something better. Yes, inside, I may be still that small little girl that's easily hurt and over-sensitive, but I am learning; Fear not, speak out. Practice it regularly and one day, it'll be a habit. And slowly, a trait that roots deeply within you, and courage is no longer a mask, but something that has fused into you. Alas, it will propel people around you, both your loved ones and your enemies, to not be the exploited group and stand firm on your ground. Besides, believe honesty is always the best policy. No point hiding your thoughts away with lies.

Of course, pride, on the other extreme is something not to be encouraged either. It blocks your sensitivity to your surrounding. It blinds you. It's sin in God's eyes! But i would not talk about that today because although I am entirely sure there's huge chuck of this element in me, my recent acts and personality inclines more towards the other end, thus my thoughts.

After all, achieving success is all about doing the ordinary extraordinarily well. Doing this part of daily encounters well enough counts too, right?

Point

2011-06-22T11:29:00.006+08:00

Do you ever have the moment - when dreams and goals suddenly become so clear? Clouds of blurry thoughts and doubts, on your capabilities, your personality, your family, your surroundings and just you, being you, suddenly vanish? There, your goal. What you are after. What that have been so subtle all these while. What you are trying so hard to grip on but never seem to work. But, now, it's here. This is what you are going to do for life. This is what you are going to be passionate about and never regret about it. Though it is a choice you've made during your youth, but you know, this is the best decision EVER. (No, i'm certainly not high on drugs and entirely sober)

And suddenly, those hobbies or activities that are going on, doesnt seem very constructive and insignificant to whatever you are going to do. Your interest in all other fields of life falls off. Though the dream may be small, and you can't describe it in words, at least, you are willing to figure it out. No, I will never regret about this.

What are those efforts all these years? Are they just going to be efforts in vain? Maybe some of them are, but I'm sure most of them reaffirm what I had in my mind. If it's yours, no matter how hard you tried to escape from it, it will just come back to you, whether you like it or not. I thought I was the point of no turning back because I was forced to take it, accept the fact that, this is Life as it is. And is this the moment my prayer has been answer? Could not be absolutely sure yet, but one thing I could be sure is, I am now at the point of no turning back, not because of under force or tolerance to reality, but as a person who is so eager to live it out because I have this good feeling and that tiny voice inside saying, this is your life, it's gonna be good. You'll like it.

It's something like faith in God. Believing without seeing literally. But you just know His there.

Pause.

Remember this moment. And vow to never forget it.

Finally.

After your dreams

2011-06-20T15:40:00.003+08:00

“We’re looking for
very special people, the cream
of young doctors. We tell them
to go out and meet people and
to choose their PhD supervisor.
What are we offering? Hard
work, more uncertainty, but also
more opportunity to do what you
want. True, you don’t get a lot
of time off. But the satisfaction
of adding a few stitches to the
bottom right-hand corner of
the tapestry of life is huge.”

Professor David Lomas,
Deputy Director of the Cambridge
Institute for Medical Research

When Faith meets Superstitions

2011-06-19T23:22:00.011+08:00

Those that I am about to write, are merely based on my experiences, thoughts and of the shallow knowledge I've possessed till today, quoting verses from the Bible. And also, again, serving as a personal reminder.

I need to make a confession, here, publicly, because I presume many of us have encountered the same situation in our daily life, in the hope of bringing some light to you, my dear reader - Superstitions, more often than not, are quite prominent in our Chinese society where traditions have been passed down from our ancestors who prioritized rituals and taboos, with the hope of blessings of t wealth, health and prosperity from their ancestors will rain upon the generations to come. What has triggered me to write on this topic out of the blue? Two reasons:

1) I used to think praying to God the night before exam is bad for my exam. Surprised? It was because of this dumb, coward and selfish thoughts I had. I thought, by praying to God, Satan will purposely pull me down as he always work in the opposite way God does? So, to prevent "attracting attention", I don't pray. I lost my confidence in God, lost sight of how He is the almighty God, and that we should never doubt his sovereignty. (Ok, go on, laugh at me. Do judge and condemn me for those evil thoughts) But as I grow (which i hope i do spiritually and not just physically), I've learnt quite a few lessons which I took them as Private Lessons Specially From God. He has shown me in a few ways that things do not work out like that, and gave a few "mild punishments" as gentle reminders through conscience and several other events which when i reflect back, they are not as insignificant as they seemed to be. Even if it does work that way (the attracting attention way), we should not give in just to get what we want, right?! No! No! No! We should never deny our heavenly Father under any circumstances. (I have referred to John 14 in this case) And thus, prayed that this selfish thoughts never will intrude my mind again.

2) Ah, wedding! What a happy thing to discuss about. But remember how our grandparents and parents scurried to find an "Auspicious Wedding Date" when the couple (who are supposed to be married long ago but didnt but finally decided to) announced that they have finally decided to tie the knot? (Maybe you haven't had that experience.but as the youngest in my family, with so many grown-up siblings and cousins, it is a very common scene to observe) After consulting elders and flipping through the Chinese calender again and again, alas, the date of ceremony was set. The date which was believed to bring most luck to this couple, so they would have a happy and long-lasting marriage. (And of course, on the day which most relatives can attend the ceremony. Mind you, this applies to Christian couples as well) And how bout those rituals? Like putting two flowers on the bride's hair, groom's family must send 5 types of grains to the bride's family, etc... What are the rationale behind all these? Chinese traditions, you may say, though we may not understand why is it done so, but we still adapt to it. A culture, which must be preserved, something that we are proud of, being the descendants of so-and-so. I'll take that, but why, when some of the steps are missed, or there's slight difference between families of different dialects, major arguments are bound to happen? Aren't we celebrating a happy occasion? Don't those arguments disrupt the peace and harmony, which we are trying so hard to achieve through the rituals, instead? And would your "luck" be less if you missed one of those steps? Why are you depending on those lucks anyway? Don't you claim yourself to be the genuine believer of Jesus Christ? And does Jesus ever mention anything about needing luck?

Apart from those, this superstitions and taboos thing also happen so regularly in our daily life consciously or subconsciously. (I find it easier to use examples for exam as I am a student myself undergoing all sorts of examinations very very frequently but i believe it is also very common in the working community) For example, you must bring your "lucky pencil"; wear your "red underwear"; mustn't wash your hair the night before; must walk certain path to the exam venue...Break a mirror and you'll have bad luck for 7 years; do not open your umbrella under the roof; do not walk under a ladder; if a black cat cross your path, you will have bad luck. All sorts of funny acts. Why, may I ask, are you holding on to these procedures with belief that they will bring some sort of luck, when you clearly proclaim through your mouth:

I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Maker of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord:

Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,
born of the virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, dead, and buried;

He descended into hell.

The third day He arose again from the dead;

He ascended into heaven,
and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Ghost;
the holy catholic church;
the communion of saints;
the forgiveness of sins;
the resurrection of the body;
and the life everlasting.

Amen.

Are these just a joke? Or something you are forced to memorise?

Do what you've said! Believe solely, in Jesus, and not be a slave of luck. Don't live life under the fear that luck might overturn you one day, but live life boldly with the faith on Jesus that will never turn His back on you.

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:6-7)

So pray to God fervently, for a heart that guard against these thoughts,

The name of the Lord is fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10)

Post-AS

2011-06-17T15:00:00.000+08:00

Now that excruciating five bloody weeks have passed (never knew i could survive that, Thank God for saving me from suicidal attempts) , I'm currently enjoying a good life back in hometown. It seems like i just finished my last paper, physics paper 1 yesterday. But more than a week has passed. and one more week, I'll be back in Subang, again. Urgh, how i hate the journey back there. Alone. Depressed. Having to overcome the strong desire to rush back home and somehow solder my feet to it. But for the sake of "knowledge" eh?
Feels like ancient China man who had to leave his little village, deep in the mountains, all the way to Beijing, and take the exam to become officials, or to be more precise, "scholars". If you succeed, congrats and welcome back home anytime you like; if not, please start panicking where are you going to earn your next meal from and wonder if you would ever have the chance to step foot on your birth village again, even when not repressed by financial issues, but of pride, to face your aged parents at home who sacrificed their life long savings just to fund your journey to Beijing and now you come back empty handed. Do you even dare to crush their high hopes right in their face, my dear son? and how about those relatives and neighbours around? What are they going to say?
Okay, this is getting too far off.

Right after exam, I ffked my dearest beloved gang and went to search for suit for this oldman for the upcoming prom. (You know who you are) It's just so unfair how girls have to put in sooooooo much effort and time to prepare for prom and how guys could just recycle what they have in their wardrobe. No make up, no nothing. Just put on a suit. (I tried 22 freaking dresses in a day, 22!!! just to find one that I'm happy with, RM185 including alterations, super happy...heeheee..) Though, this perfect-fitting-suit-searching process has proven me wrong.
Never knew it would be so hard to find a not-so-common yet sharp looking and a suit that fits perfectly. Even harder when you have a tight budget eh? Anyway, that oldman decided to spare his wallet and RECYCLE. Yea yea, environmental friendly. I still hold on tight to: That should have been a good investment. A proper, nice piece of suit, never a liability, but long term asset! :p ok, enough pressuring. You very leng zai during prom, ok?! HAHA

And the next day, I joined class trip to Sunway Lagoon. Rare opportunity to have a clss trip like this. But anyway, only half of the class turn up. =.=" so much for unity. Hmph. HAHA. Anyway, the regulars, crazy bunch of people were there. (The main contributors of noise pollution in our lovely PM20)

Fortunately, it was a sunny day!!!! We bought all-park passes. Freaking expensive, RM85. But Worth the day spent with great friends.

Me and Wan Jing

Oh ya, this is wan jing. One of the siao po in our clique in class. After our first ride in the amusement park - Pirate ship, someone came down and puke. AHAHAHA. Had a good time on the pirate ship especially when it was upside down, watching everyone's facial expression was the best part!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!! (Love heights and speed! :D) Can't stop laughing at them while they all were screaming their lungs out. Went on to Tomahawk, where a few !@#$ers, trapped us inside the ride and made the staffs to make us go on the ride twice, one right after another. But I still couldnt stop laughing at Jia Noob when all the vulgar appear half way through second round of the ride. Went on to screampark. THIS IS THE FUNNIEST PARK OF ALL. Ok, i admit I'm a coward when it comes to all these supernatural stuffs. As we were walking through the park for the first time, we were so afraid that we hugged each other so tight and simply scream whenever we hear any weird sound (ok, may be it's just...me?) Didn't even dare to open my eyes. Screamed until our voices were coarse. Went in second time, we decided to counter our fear by singing KEN LEEEEEE (please search in you tube for this video) so loud that we got scolded by the "ghost" inside to respect them. So we stopped singing, and started talking. Got scolded again. =.=" Epic fail. Celebrated Wen Jing and Li Teng's Birthday at Marrybrown then went on to Waterpark and chilled around at the Big Wave with Jee Yen and 40. Ah.. life after exam, we can shamelessly afford to float aimlessly the whole afternoon on water while enjoying the sun. :D Great day...

Had Klang tour the next early morning with a friend. Instead of the usual Bak Kut Teh, we tried Pai Kut rice and "miu ge"? (i don't know how you call that) some kind of pinched noodle-liked carbohydrate. Something like pan mee. How come Klang got all these nice food? Watched Kung Fu Panda 2. Any of you who havent watch it, MUST WATCH, M.U.S.T. It was very "lame" but couldn't stop laughing for hours...

Went for make up and hair do in pyramid after that. RM121. T-T and rushed to prom...The food and deco were amazing but the whole event was rather messy. Every one kept walking around and snapping photos... Didn't really bother what happened on stage or maybe because I was sitting very far away from the stage. Didn't even know who were the prom queen and prom king. HAHA. Anyway, had a great time. :D

Yuen, Amy, Nadzirah and I

Bimbotic pose. :p

Super disliked the make up. Due to the price paid, had to hypnotize myself "It's fine. It's ok" =.="

Rushed to Langkawi very early next morning at 5.30am. Zombie mode. Rented 2454, Innova to move around with. RM280. Shall summarise our first day journey in point form.

Kawasan Beras Terbakar. To see a plate of black beras. =.="

Went to Makam Mahsuri. Grave of a woman named Mahsuri. It's some kind of myth or legend that she had indescribable beauty, she was accused of having affair with some officials, she was punished and tied to a tree, white blood flowed out to show that she was innocent. She cursed Langkawi to be unable to develop for 7 generations. So Langkawi was sort of in "run-down" state until Malaysia regained independence.
Checked in at City Bayview Hotel.

Had awesome lunch at Orchid Ria Restaurant. Learned to eat sotong ring! :D
Went to the famous Pantai Pasir Hitam

rubbish every where. sigh

Went to Oriental Village and geopark. Went up 700 metres above sea level. Breath-taking view up there. Had a great time laughing at Noob and Wan Jing who had acrophobia. (View the photos of their freaking amusing and rich expressions on my facebook albums)

40, Wei Jie, Xiang Yang, Noob,
Me and Wan Jing.
(While jeeyen and zi xuan rather stay at the foot of the mountain)

In cable car :D
Me, Zi Xuan, Wei Jie and 40.

pfft...bunch of childish teenagers.

(whooppsss. shouldnt have join them for this photo! haha)

At night, had fun playing our usual game "Truth or Dare". Got lots of "precious" information that night. ;)
second day, had breakfast in hotel. Went shopping! It was great shopping here with all the duty free shops. Bought couple of nike and adidas shirts at 50% normal price. and lots of chocs too!! :D

Went to Jetty Point and Eagle Square. Jetty Point is another shopping complex, it's newer compare to other malls. If you havent rent a car and wondering where to get one, (as taxi fares are kinda expensive here. of course, you can try other means of transportation like cycling if you are fit enough. But i doubt anyone would want to waste their time cycling around... ) this is the place where many random uncles and aunties will stop you and ask if you want to rent a car. There are few franchise eateries here too (Kenny Rogers, KFC, Big Apple Donuts). It's kinda cloudy that day, but we were fortunate enough to be able to go for Island Hopping. We went for a private package for having the whole boat to ourselves, maximum 8 individuals per group. Of course, you can join bigger groups too and pay at individual prices which I believe is more expensive.
Island Hopping includes Pulau Beras Basah (just to hang around the beach), Pulau Singa Besar (Eagle feeding) and Pulau Dayang Bunting (need to do some light hiking here to get to a lake, beware of monkeys.)

Switch hotel to Holiday Villa which is outside of Kuah town, nearer to Pantai Cenang. Had a filling, delicious and cheap dinner at Fat Mum Seafood Restaurant.
Played "Truth or Dare" again at the beach. Got dared to hug some foreigner's daughter. =.="
Some liquors here are as cheap as mineral water. A tin of carlsberg at RM1.50 only. But no, i don't drink beers. We bought 4.8% alcohol content vodka. Taste like soda. Dont worry, all above 18 except one little boy who did under-aged drinking. Should have reported him. Haha. It's impossible to get drunk with that, unless you drink like...100 bottles of it?? Well, still, I'm not encouraging you little kids out there to drink alcohols.
Slept quite early because I was being paranoid over something that night. stupid me.
Third day, packed. Went back to Kuah Town and did some last minute shopping in duty free shops. Bought even more chocs.
Boarded noon time flight back to Subang then back to Miri.

Typical view of Kedah state.
(Only knew Langkawi is in Kedah) :p

So long, Langkawi!

Ok. Done reporting. Before i forget, Thank you to the 3 macho guys who tag along who ended up carrying bags for us and become our drivers. You guys are shoooooo sweet. HAHAHA :D Will touch more on thoughts after this post.

2 Days without Facebook

2011-05-27T13:51:00.011+08:00

I always wonder, what was my life like, before facebook existed? What did I do to kill time? It's like I've totally lost all my memories of those pre-facebook/friendster/social network sites days. All I can remember was clicking away on my Asus (RIP) then Acer, on those quiet and peaceful evenings I had back home. Occasionally looking out the full-length window, staring blankly into space and sometimes at the fishes in the pond, thinking, "When was the last time this dirty filter was cleaned? Why is the water so dirty? I must clean it someday." but always ended up cleaning it like...1 year after those thoughts. And frequently also, "It's so dark here. I have to switch on the light." - Ended up not switching them on and I'll be sitting in the dark for hours, relying on the weak light rays from the lamps on fences outside. Procrastination. Pfft. As usual.

As far as I could remember, my first encounter with a computer was during kindergarten: I woke up after one of my usual afternoon naps, went to the study room and was shocked to find a big box there but dare not touch it. Cause it looked very "alien". Later, my brother unpacked it, put those big chunk of monitors and keyboards together, and thus, I was introduced, "This is a computer." Ah, a moment of enlightenment! The first game I played on computer (Before the era of internet) was some puzzles of Mickey Mouse photos. I dont know why, but I can remember this very clearly. And mom is always at the side, guiding me how to complete the freakingly easy puzzle which i found it sooooooo hard to put it together that time. And how I fumble with the "mouse" and keyboards that time.

Then, at primary 4, I remember signing up for my first email address. chriswsw92@hotmail.com. Which I have been using until few days ago, =.= I found my access to it was denied "due to some unusual activities." Tried to recover it, but failed, because the recovery code was sent to my yahoo email, which i had never even touch after signing up for it during primary 4, hence, you can't blame me for not remembering it. Sad. Until i find a way of recovering it, there goes my first email address. I'm currently using Gmail. still the same username just @gmail.com. Oh ya, now i can remember. I was playing NEOPETS. (If anyone of you still remember or played that too...) It was a super cute online game, where you can keep an alien pet, feed it, play with it and play some mini games... But i sort of forgot my password after that, so there, my pet was left to die. What a bad owner...

Then, during form 2, the whole craze about blogging started to seep in. I do not know from where. But as far as i could recall, it was when I first read a "chicken rice shop in Kuching" post by kennysia, shown by my sister. It was not a trend during that time, among my circle of acquaintances and friends. Not until form 4, everyone started blogging. It was during form 4 also, it was the peak of my "blogging career". Earned money with it, met a few celebrity bloggers and posted like 3 or 4 posts a day. But SPM totally killed my interest for blogging. During form 5, i rarely went on blogs. Hence, the sharply deteriorated number of post that year. Or I guess I just don't like people stalking/peeking into my life this way, paranoid perhaps?

Until recently, when i started to activate/deactivating facebook, on and off, i started to have this urge, this adrenaline rush, to start blogging again. Not too much to talk about still, still having that paranoid feeling of people peeking here but hell, facebook provides even more information for stalkers. Occasionally, i would look back at my previous posts and think, luckily, i recorded these events down. :) At least, when this degenerating brain of mine don't remember those details, this blog is here to help me with it. If it somehow helped you (which i dont think it did...anyway just saying), Thank God then. :) I'm just happy I blogged.

Yes, back to 2 days without Facebook. This time, I deactivated it because I was having exam. And i found i spent too much time on facebook. Distractive. Like Hell. Of course I had tried going without it for weeks, but nowadays without facebook, your life, especially YOUR SOCIAL LIFE would be in chaos. It's like whatever we chat about in our daily life, it's something from facebook. Whether the 38 stories of a friend that someone had stalked on or news, it's all there. For example, the acid splasher incidents that happened around Subang recently, the incident of a China woman who had nothing better to do and attempted to attain fame by mocking every Malaysian Chinese on Facebook (congratulation, you have managed to find a way to "Fame") and the case of a secondary school girl who got bullied her classmates by cutting her hair. All were there. On facebook. even before they are on the news. Oh ya, and also the news of Osama Bin Laden being killed, it was on twitter then facebook, before it emerged as an official news from news stations. Yeap, people all around will be talking about them and if you don't have a facebook, you will be total blur, losing out on many daily conversations, got isolated, get emo, depressed and suicide. (Oh lols, slippery slope, this is going too far.)

One day, everyone will have a Facebook account, but not everyone will have a birth certificate.

Of course, without Facebook, these 2 days, I have sort of substituted it with YouTube. Ok, i know this is bad, but I have found a lot of interesting videos on YouTube. Oh ya, actually I've been roaming around celebrity blogs too...xiaxue,kennysia,timothytiah...blah blah one links to another. Thus, rather than caging yourself in your own social circle in facebook, it's nice to, once in a while, look at what's happening around the world. BUT, I'm not telling you to quit facebook and go to youtube. People quited facebook, got off the internet sphere, and be more actively involved in reality. The world under the sun. ;) You can go for sports, talk to more people in face, travel around, do crafts..... And never complain about not having anything to do... Those who said there are simply nothing else to do without Facebook, stop being so bloody lazy, go clean your wardrobe.

Well, it's easier said than done actually. I have re-activated my FB again after 2 days. :p

9 Down, 4 more to go!

2011-05-26T17:33:00.005+08:00

The pressure is obviously less now... :D Done with 3 weeks of exams and 2 more weeks to go...only practicals and paper 1s. I guessed i've been stuck in this room and exam venues for more than 4 weeks now (plus revision period). This is crazy. Any sane people would turn insane if this continues for few more months.

Today's chemistry practical marks the end of our LABCOAT DAYS :D (At least for college) Half happy: because no more practical exams. Half sad: Can't mess around with chemicals and scalpel and forceps anymore. booo.... Next week is our last physics practical exam. Dont know how will it go. Anxious? Not that fast, let me kick off that exam battle suit and turn off that mode for a day...need a break man, seriously. This is somehow a test of patience and perseverance rather than of knowledge. I wonder what other courses have exam period as long as A levels?

All my house mates (except my classmate) just started their exam few days ago, and today, THEY ARE ALL PACKING TO GO BACK. Sheeeeessshhhh...And I'm stuck with 2 weeks of exams ahead despite struggling for so long. Nevermind. Nevermind. Had trained up my hypnotic skills for this period of time. Good at hypnotizing my roommate and myself. No fears. She must have thought I've gone insane for repeating "You'll do well. I'll do well. We'll all do well. This is GREAT!!! I love statistics yeehaaa..." all day long. (I know you are reading this. :P you can shut me up if you like, but instilling optimism in you while providing laughters in between your cramming sessions is good for you, be grateful!)

*yawn* boring stuffs.

Sharing a video for anyone looking for inspirations:

Undesired Perfectionism

2011-05-23T15:20:00.016+08:00

"You're a darn perfectionist!"

"No, I'm not, no. no.no. See, this is not perfect. That, I don't really care about while doing it. And this! Omg, this is what you call a perfectionist's work?!"

"Pfft...Obviously." smirks.......

Sometimes I just wish this trait does not exist in me. I'm very flexible in a lot of stuffs. Academic wise? I'm a mad OCD person. Sight, can't even fit a single, small, SILLY mistake. Yes, SILLY mistakes, that's what I always do. I sometimes do wonder if I have been through my past 19 years with consciousness or is it all just a blur? Something that I could not recall of, even after a few days the event happened. Am I? Did i just rush through everything? Maybe I am, seeing the memory of primary school or even early secondary are now just fading images, blurred away. It was just like yesterday, but no vivid memories of any events while peers can remember every single details of those funny, light-hearted moments. Is my brain degenerating? Perhaps I've watched too many dramas, I often suspect myself to have Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, eating myself up, part by part as I go through daily routines, without realising it. Until one day, when it's too late, the disease just BAM! strikes, and there I'm gone.

Yes, back to perfectionism in studies. To learn from mistakes, is what my parents always told me. It's ok to get it wrong. No big deal. Take the essence, the experience but forget the emotions. Sometimes I could get it, but most of the time, even a cross or a "0" on my homework would make me go crazy. This is bad. Really bad. And you know what the worst part is? Despite the desire of perfection, I could not achieve it. (No human is perfect, yes. Never try nailing it into my brain, it's impossible). I'll repeat the same mistake again and again, remember the emotion but not the experience. The pessimistic side grows. Crying over a spilled milk, has more or less became a habit.

BUT, is being a perfectionist in certain area really that bad? I mean, it makes me wanting to strive harder, hitting that practically unpractical goal, and when you really do, the sense of achievement is....more than anything in this world. It also helps in creating the quality part of whatever work you're doing. What do you think? I'm sure every person has this "psychological disorder". Your eyes, just CANT CONTAIN THAT SMALL IMPERFECTION. that small black dot over there. On the paper. In your memories.

Maybe, all these hardships, test, miseries I'm going through now, is God's way of blunting that side of me? So.confused.and.stressed.beaten up.after.every.paper.

note: Perhaps I should change the name of my blog to "The Mumbles of a Mad Fille"

Not the right time

2011-05-18T22:28:00.007+08:00

Clearly, it's not the time yet. I've learnt to observe and judge based on the shallow experience i had in this. Elders told me again and again, being the normal stubborn me, I'd never listen to any of those kind-hearted advices. Yea, as adventurous as a person could get, I will never really take it unless I've been through it, a.k.a. - Learn it the hard way. Of course, not drugs or alcohol or pre-marital sex, not even committing suicide or murdering a soul (mosquitoes do not have souls, do they?). But in this particular subject, I do not know, where on earth did I get all the courage to go through it, fall miserably, but get back and try again in no time. This is dumb, stupid and wasting my youth, yet, I've no regrets going through it.

The experience is priceless.

I've learn to see people behaved so foolishly but savor every moment of it. Learn to see how they act before and after it - you'll also be amazed how different a person could be when they are in it. From one extreme to another, I had also learnt no one is perfect. No matter how flawless a person is at first sight - time will be the teacher, the witness and the ever sought-after counselor - You're never right. There's always this flaw, this thing that the person could not get away with as sung by Lady Gaga, "Born this way."

I thought i was truly ready for it. But no, I'm not. I'm far too immature to be involved. Too weak and too timid, to step foot into it. Seeing things in a biased way, or maybe adolescence's illusions, no, I'm not gonna bet all my future into one. "Unless, it's God's will," I've once said, and still holding tight onto it. Not to use God's name in vain, but really, unless there is an intervention from Him, and He CLEARLY show to me, this is the right time, this is a perfect plan, something I've reserve for you, you can now proceed.

Until the day, I could stop picking on flaws, others' and mine. Or maybe not, never will.

I should say,

until the day, I could accept them sincerely.

note: The subject and objects are not in this passage at all. Will not disclose it. Apologies for confusions caused. :)

Seeking answers

2011-04-25T17:23:00.003+08:00

We often ask questions in the hope of seeking a true, undeniable answer. All sorts of questions.
We ask, people replied.
Yet we said, "They are not answering my questions properly, stop beating around the bush!"

I, very often indeed, am the one saying that when people tries to answer my questions.

But, pause, is it real that they are not answering our questions? Or do we ALREADY have answers buried inside us? Instead of letting our minds free to accept any new ideas, we are merely searching for the answer that match what we had in our mind. Maybe, they had answered our questions. Just we don't realise it.

A random short post to satisfy impulse of wanting to blog. :p

Of crossing a frozen lake

2011-04-17T21:10:00.010+08:00

Will my plans work?

Will I be successful in 10 years time?
Will you still talk to me after a month?
Is he/she the one God has specially prepared for me?
Will I die tomorrow?
What lies in my future?
As full of fortuitous surprises as it can be, Life, as how we've known it (or maybe we don't), is filled with gazillions of uncertainties too. And by this, it is emphasized on the negative side.

I have always wanted to be involved in the business world. Wall street, stock markets, trading, business tactics, contracts, profits....and of course, alongside with the luxurious life it promises, comes the risks, the uncertainties. This is the part that made me that close to the business world, yet never had the chance to step into it until now. No, it's, never have the GUTS to even land on the surface that planet. Maybe, it's the fear of failure and losing everything you've got from the effort and hard work you've put in. Working like a mad dog, day and night for years, just to earn a considerably satisfying sum of money, reputation and achievements; yet, all can blown into scraps, within a matter of days, hours, minutes, milliseconds.

An inevitable fact of life - Hard work is not directly proportional to the results. There's always the unexplained and unforeseen parts ready to jump out and get you even when you thought your plans are perfect, crash-proof. But many times, we would rather just blindfold ourselves with an imaginary cloth - routines, relationships etc - clinging hard to a principle of "IF only I had work hard enough, then this would not have happened." The regrets, is it what we really deserve? Or are we just purely not in the luck?

More often than probably not, we go through our daily lives without knowing what are the consequences of our next step. Some might be very alert and fully anticipate in their next step, tip-toeing away while some just dont give a damn, barge, stomp, run...on the ice, either intentionally or unintentionally. The truth is, no one knows how thick the ice below our feet really is. It may had looked exactly the same from the surface. Flat, open space, welcoming(???) but who knows, some parts are as thick as 10 metres while some are as thin as a paper. The ending of that story is only unveiled the second you are in/on it. So, if you are careful enough, you may cross the lake successfully. You are certainly allowed to congratulate yourself for being alive until that point. If not, you'll just drop into the icy, cold water, being drown to death or suffer from hypothermia.

A man walks on the frozen River Thames, February 1947(PA Wire)

If only, if only.... we have the ability to foresee the future or perhaps, have a grasp on the tiniest bit of it, a peek, or maybe a rough sketch of it, maybe, we would have been more prepared. Just maybes, and perhaps...that's all i can say.

If you are somehow stranded in the middle of that lake, why not take a step of faith (well you can't actually leap right? That's just a moronic act of increasing your risk of dropping on a frozen lake), rather than standing at the same spot and wait for spring to come. Or maybe, just have a trustworthy person ever ready beside you, so when the unintentional accident happened, no fears... :)

Books

2011-04-16T17:36:00.005+08:00

I had been blogging consistently for a few days now, I even came here even when I had nothing much to blog about. Enough with the dismaying results of mine, no point crying over spilled milk. I'll get over it, hopefully, soon enough and start studying as hard as could...22 days to AS trials. Hmph....

I've been in this book, Road less Travelled by M Scott Peck for a period of time now. Due to various unknown reasons, i just couldnt seem to read it in peace.......

half way through.

And the book i just bought few days ago because Popular had this book exhibition with sales. I find it quite interesting and worth a buy. so....

An interesting part:

Why do Chinese find it so hard to speak frankly about themselves?

.....As early as the 2nd millennium BC, a criminal's family was punished as harshly as the criminal himself. Over the next thousand years, this principle steadily tightened its grip on the judicial system....

(True. Perhaps that's the source of this chinese culture.)

Gotta go studdddyyyy..cram cram cram...........nom nom nom............

SDMC Hospital Attachment Day 5

2011-04-15T23:37:00.002+08:00

Day 5: Laboratory

Today, disappointment. Pessimistic. No, when you are in my shoes, perhaps you would do the same thing too? Started off with a happy morning, my roomate, Felicia and I went to play badminton in the playground nearby. It has been a while since I last exercise and sweat properly. Sweating(through exercise) somehow makes me feel like stress is shedding away at the same time. Soothing... :) Though, i was quite amused at how awkward is it for Felicia trying to do cha-cha with the aunty doing line-dancings at the side while playing badminton with me...

Then, rush to college to do the interfaith dialogue registration thing. GOT SHOCK BY THE SUPER SUPER LOUSY RESULTS FOR TRIALS. Depressed. Sad. Wanted to cry. No tears. Even sad. So when i reach hospital, my brain is like totally blank. Then started complaining non-stop to Zi Xuan. (sorreh! i just need a way to express the disappointment)

Went for laboratory. It's most like a "museum-visit" rather than attachment. =.=" The person just brought us from lab to labs and told us what they do inside then move on to the next. Not going to go into details, they just said something about chromosomes, testing blood, urine, HIV virus, hepatitis antibodies, pre-natal test, FISH test, blood bank...I'm not very sure what is she talking, cause the person spoke in a very soft voice, almost in audible. =.=" I didnt bother to ask much questions too, though did ask a few, cause I was really not in the mood.

Spend 30 minutes writing report for these 5 days and my opinions on SDMC. In the difficulties faced and improvements needed to be made part, I wrote: We keep losing our way. Need more signboards.

BLAH! Tired. I need a rest. gonna start STUDYING. 23 days to AS Finals.
May God bless all of us with wisdom.

SDMC Hospital Attachment Day 4

2011-04-14T17:35:00.005+08:00

Day 4: Imaging

I have no idea what this department actually does before this. It has something to do with taking photos i guess. So, here we are again, this time, running all the way from our house to SDMC because we are seriously late. hehe. :p

There are a few types of imaging methods here at this department, but we are allowed to see X-Ray, CAT Scan and MRI only. Fair enough. I will not talk much about X-ray as I assume, it is a very common thing nowadays, and many people might have taken their xrays before. So, 3 of us are separated and brought to each scanners. I went to the 1 Tesla MRI machine first. Shall not go into details about what Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) is... refer to This and This if you really wanna know more.

I also went to another 3 Tesla MRI Machine, counted as very high end one. According to the technician, there are only very few of these machines in Malaysia (maybe only 2), one in UMMC and SDMC is the first private hospital to have it. Woo... 3Tesla has a very very strong magnetic field. Earth's magnetic first is 0.5 tesla, so...i guess you can imagine how strong it is. So the patient change into hospital gown, remove all metals items on their body, lie on the patient table and being pushed into this donut-like cylindrical machine..it actually has a very modern and nice design..

Almost the same thing i guess...same brand what, Philips. (advertising uh-oh)

Then, patient is require to stay perfectly still while the recording process takes about 5 minutes each. Planes of recording maybe axial, coronal or transverse. Unless you have claustrophobia, this machine is actually the safest one compare to CT and X-Ray because it only uses radio waves, instead of X-rays. Apart from the noisy sound it makes, i dont think it will cause any discomfort unless you have allergies to the contrast (dyes) used to create the image. Fat suppression can be done so the images taken only show parts without fats. Abnormalities can be seen easily without the fats.

Patients can just wear the headphones, and while you are enjoying the latest Glee music or Katy Perry (That's what they had this afternoon haha), the image is being taken. But you have to be very still as i've said, can't even swallow your saliva, or else the image will be blurred and you have to go through it again and again. Do take note that this is a VERY EXPENSIVE procedure. More than a thousand ringgit for each scan. Oh ya, you can even set the ambient for the whole room. Europe, Asia, Australia outback, fantasy world, sky, underwater...you name it, they've got it. Set it and the lightings will change according to the music, with projections of images on the wall...wooo.... calming... :) It looked so cool and cute, so i just couldnt stop playing with the themes while the patient is inside and technicians busy editing the images. (heeheeee.. :D) The patient i was observing this afternoon actually moved a lot.... So, she had to repeat the whole process a few times... Which...annoyed the technician...and the patient herself sounded pretty impatient too from the intercom.

If you happen to stumbled into a MRI room with it's magnets on, you could be "suck"/ "pulled"VERY vigorously towards the machine even with a small pin on your body. That was what happened to a technician here before, one of them told me. It cost them about RM30,000 to repair the whole thing (demagnetize) and resume it. Expensive. Oh ya, before i forget, it can take very high resolutions photos, in both 2D and 3D. Perfect for internal soft organs but not very good on bones.

Next is the CT scan or CAT scan. Heard of this before, but dont know what it actually does. Refer to here for what a CAT scan is. This one is actually more harmful compared to MRI cause it uses X-Ray. though, it's fast. May cause a little bit of discomfort due to heat from the radiation and also allergies to the iodine-based contrast used.

This is how it looks like. Kinda similar to MRI but a smaller doughnut. I wasn't given a lot of explanation of this because actually i was assigned to MRI only, but decided to secretly run over here to check it out. Zi Xuan is here, happily playing around with the images taken. It was coloured and in 3D!! :) The images taken looks like something we always see in our bio text books.

All involve very complex computer softwares.

So, we ended earlier today. Then decided to complete what we chicken out that day. Today, we took the lift to basement level again, walked BRAVELY towards the mortuary and stood there for quite a while. There are 2 mortuaries, 1 for muslim and another for non-muslim. I dont know how they are inside... So we went up and requested to have visit there tomorrow. The person in charged went home, so her colleagues there said actually no students have ever requested to visit a mortuary before. They could consider that, but we'll have to ask again tomorrow. Though..the chances may be very low... No harm asking right? Though, there's a little voice in me fully anticipates in the what we may get to see tomorrow...

So, that's for today! :) I like Imaging Department most, so far. Their staffs are very friendly and relaxing bunch of people also. They have music on while working....This is the only part of the hospital where this is allowed. Their working environment is comfortable too.

Last day tomorrow. Woots!!! :D

SDMC Hospital Attachment Day 3

2011-04-14T00:56:00.003+08:00

Day 3: Endoscopy - A journey through gastrointestinal track

Today is rather interesting compared to the last 2 days. We went to endoscopy department!!! Specifically, colonoscopy. What they do over here is basically just poke a endoscope into your digestive track either through your mouth, or from your anus. :) Ok, this just sounds really weird.

The endoscope is like a camera on a long soft tube, with light, can be controlled by remote control, have suction pump...that's about it from what i observed. (This is definitely not accurate, please google it if you are interested to know more.) So it started by giving sedatives to the patient, fitting a plastic thingy onto his/her mouth to keep it opened and put the endoscope in. It's very interesting actually, like you are actually travelling into the person's stomach. (And i realise how long our tongue is). If you enter through the mouth, first you'll pass through the oesophagus, then the stomach. If through anus, colon then small intestine. (Dont worry about seeing faeces, cause the patients fasted before doing endoscopy, so it's rather clean inside)

Cases...

1. An old woman with oesophagus reflux - narrowing of oesophagus. It may be due to inflammation or external pressure. Will cause food to be stuck there... Through the endoscope, the epithelial wall seems perfectly fine, so they suspect it could be due to expansion of lung or something. They did dilate it afterwards and did biopsy test to check if the hypothesis is true.

2. A mid-age man with inflammed oesophagus. The sight of it is rather disgusting. (sorry to say that) The wall is full of ulcers!! O.o With puss. The symptoms are feeling of chest burning and non-stop hiccuping. Same procedure, took samples of tissues and did biopsy test, wait for the result. though i find the way they use a wire with small clip (something like crocodile clip) in front to take samples are very "cute".

3. Ulcers in colon. This, we have to enter through the butt. It looks rather painful, i mean the way the endoscope was pushed into the anus. The ulcers are causing gastrointestinal bleeding...same procedure, but this time, the doctor did push the endoscope till it reach the small intestine. We saw the villi!!! :) Villi are actually very pretty...hahaha.... Studied this thing since secondary school and today, i finally get to see how it really looks like.

4. Food stuck in stomach. The doctor also dont know what happened to this guy. This patient, although being questioned again and again, claimed that he fasted. But it was very suspicious. Because there's no obstruction along the track, but the food is there. You know how gruesome that sight is?! It looks like..."rubbish" or some rotten stuff. Mash of blue, black, yellow stuff inside. It's very very shocking especially when you expect nothing and keep poking the camera in until when you enter the stomach, this scary huge mass of monster appear in front of you. The doctor actually mumbled some rude words and shouted YUCK when he found that.... Dont laugh, trust me, it's really very disgusting. So, the doctor can't continue with what he was supposed to do... blah...

5. Other cases...can't remember/can't understand.... only know they took samples for each of them to be tested.

Other random stuff I had learned today:

Helicobacter pylori is the microorganism that attacks the mucous layer of the digestive track.

Digestive track is covered by thick layer of mucous, (though i knew before this) IT LOOKED SHINNY. :D

A reminder for the future me (in case i succeeded in graduating from med school): DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!!!! A doctor who is very kind, friendly and caring seriously does make a difference when compared to an EXTREMELY serious and strict doctor. Yea, of course you have to be serious in your work but remember to smile at the same time. Dont make life miserable for the people around you. Dont simply scold nurses, they too work very hard.

Gastroesophagus reflux - backflow of gastric juice

That's about it..I missed the afternoon session, diagnosis. Went to EUCLID maths competition. Finally realise, I SUCK AT MATHS. :p

SDMC Hospital Attachment Day 1 & 2

2011-04-12T16:56:00.018+08:00

So, here am I with NgZiXuan going for a hospital attachment again, partly to find some isi for personal statement which is pending to be hand in soon yet still not a single idea in my mind what to write; and partly, to spend our semester break WISELY instead of FB-ing the whole week away. Yeap, this is my first holiday away from home since i came over here last year. The original plan of touring around Malacca, Johor then down to Singapore was cancelled all because of this attachment. I shall not complain about it and pretend that all these are important for the sake of my future.

The duration for this attachment is same as last time, 5 days but a pretty short one, there's only like 2-3 hours per day in a department including A&E, Pharmacy, Endoscopy, Diagnosis, Imaging and Laboratory. Of course, the facilities available in this hospital are not to be compared with my last attachment's hospital, which is Miri General Hospital's (MGH). Bear in mind, SDMC is a private "wealthy" hospital, fully equipped with high-end machines and technologies, needless to say the proficiency of man-power available. Of course, your pocket would have to be loaded with cash or card even before the thought of stepping into their doors appear in your mind. Though, I believe the trade is fair. :)

Day 1: A&E

So, Day 1 (which is yesterday), 2 of us and another girl from PM19, Suet Yin, reported ourselves with Ms Ety. Being totally clueless, we were briefed about the itineraries. Given a booklet which is suppose to be signed by each department's head, letter of authorization and a "student attachment" tag. :) But what is different this time is, we get to wear our labcoats! :) hehehehe....this makes us looks more professional, but with empty heads... :( haha! I had borrowed my roomate's labcoat because mine looked seriously terrible. (with the yellow and black spots all around, hey, that shows I am actually doing something k!?)

So we went to A&E, surprisingly smaller than MGH's, but definitely have the ambient of a typical hospital (very clean-look and machine's beeping sound in the background). There's 2 section in this dept, 1 part is the normal emergency section which caters to the need of not-so-urgent cases like flu, fever, cough.... and another part is Resus room. This is where all those bloody or serious cases go. I'm not sure why, the A&E here seems pretty peaceful and quiet, not to say that I actually wish something would happen, but i'm not sure whether it is the money factor or monday is just another mundane, boring day... There were cases like spine injuries, "accidental" consumption of chlorox(bleach), myocardial infarction & heart attack (which are the common ones) and some, (i dont know what happened to them as we werent given any proper explanation) just came in with their hands pressing on the forehead, looking dizzy....

Most people rushed in in tears and pain. But there's a lady ( i recognised her by her Mercedes, let's just call her the Mers Lady) who was rushed in, but still smilling; when sent over to the operation theater, the smile hasn't fade. What a cheerful person :)

To be truthful, we've got nothing much to see, because it's a private hospital, customers' got their privacy and all those craps, so....we are not allowed to see much and of course, because we're only pre-u students, so..... Though i was considered the most lucky one among 3 of us - i get to see how they rescued a heart attack guy. (I felt bad for saying i'm lucky to be able to see :( )

The guy came in with heart pain so he went and lie in the resus room, suddenly, his whole body shakes and the heartbeat machine beaps like mad then he was unconscious. (apologies for the weird way of describing the whole situation, just a premed here.. :p) The doctors and nurses rushed over and start sticking some gel thing on his chest and did the "defibrillation" thingy to get him back. It was very nervous and tense moment, well just a few seconds. But within these few seconds, if the doctors werent there, or that guy hasn't report even when he had the heart pain, he might be still at home and when he fainted, no one could help him right? So, that few seconds is like the critical moment for the matter of life and death. fortunately, he woke up again. But he doesnt seem to know he fainted....only when the doctor told him, he knew about it... hmmm... I heard later, it was due to some blockage in heart vessels, they had to send him for operation as soon as possible. but definitely have to get his consent first (or something like that...) because it involved not only his safety but also, the huge amount of money.... O.o

That was like the most interesting part of Day 1.... hhmmm....not as interesting as MGH's A&E, which is like...mad and packed with patients.... O.O

Day 2: Pharmacy

Today's session is in the afternoon. Without much expectation (didnt visit pharmacy last attachment), we just "barge" into the pharmacy of South Tower. I can say, it looked very different from the other side of the counter. We, as customers, are always on the other side, paying money, listening to the instructions regarding prescription..yadi yada bla bla blah.... but actually, there's a lot of stuff that's behind the scene one... Many pharmacist and technicians working at the back, searching for drugs and send them here and there.... Believe me, when you see more than 1000++ types of drugs back there, you'll be dizzy...Plus, having about 10 people squeezed into a small space... blah!!! O.O All those drug names are like ALIEN LANGUAGE (pardon me!! ;P) can't understand many of them, but there was a few which is familiar enough la, like rifamycin, penicillin... The lady who briefed us said, she has been working in this small space for 5 years, yet she still cant remember where exactly is every single type of drugs located, and she didnt even know some of they existed! Saw some pharmacist compounding drugs, but the drugs are not synthesized there...they are supplied directly.. and then the "chargers"(prescription counter) are also busy as what we've seen usually with super long queues..... Mad place.... haha but still organised in its own way.

They have this machine, :p forgot the name, like a tube thing...which i think is very cool.

It's for sending tubes for drugs and notes from other floors directly to pharmacy and vice versa... so nurses dont have to run up and down anymore. :D I know my drawing's bad, but wait till you see my handwriting.. (luckily we can type to blog, not write.. )

Talking about doctor's handwriting, the technician with us today did complained about it. hahaha...she showed us a note by the doctor saying types of drugs to be prescribed. WHO KNOWS WHAT THE DOCTOR WROTE? It wasnt even recognizable as our latin alphabets!!! ...yes, it was really that bad.... So i asked her how she knows what is written, she replied, experience and non-stop reconfirmation. So the myth about how bad a doctor's handwriting is is true.

We were told about cytotoxic drugs reconstitution (CDR) which is used for chemotherapy, fyi, SDMC known for its oncology... :) Was very impressed by the "armors" they had to put on being going into the "clean room" to prepare the drugs...

It ended in an hour because the technician was rushing back home. So, zi xuan and I, being the usual curiosity-filled duo, with the desire to venture around deeply rooted in us.....decide to have a look around before going back.. We took the lift, went to the basement and went to the....mortuary.

It has always been a mystery to me how it will look like. But guess what... you are allowed to laugh for the following part

The mortuary was at the end of the basement, not a single living person was around. We decided to walk near the door. When we were like 5 m away from the doctor, i suddenly feel the chill rushing up my spine. I stopped, stared at the door, turn around and RUN AWAY!!!!! AHAHAHHAHA.....such a coward right?! hahaha....I have no idea why was i so scared too. Come to think of it, i still dont know why were we so afraid, it's just dead bodies!!! =.=" Shall blame it to the influence of GHOST MOVIES all around nowadays.... I hope no CCTV catches our stupid acts... haha.... Can not, must overcome this fear. I'll find a way......... ;)

Here's a link to my previous attachment's post, if any of you are wondering: Link

Vanity in disguised

2011-04-10T18:41:00.002+08:00

Recently, I had realize a trend among fb-ers, especially among girls. It's not wrong to take your own photo, show others your pretty and sunshine-ish smile, who knows it might just cheer someone's day up or maybe, your secret stalkers/admirers' ones up (well, free smile...free desktop wallpaper/whatever you name it) haha...
*the following part is not to offend anyone...*

Then...this idiotic trend came up - totally meaningless quotations below your pictures without any sense, but OBVIOUSLY, just to show your vanity.

You want to show you're vain, go ahead, please...why degrade those nice quotes?! What has it gotta do with your photos?!!?!?!

Ok let's see...A photo of a nice pretty young lady, with great smile who would have melt anyone's heart...

then then stupid quotes.. (garh..can't think of any suitable ones for example..cause if i put it here, it might just coincidentally be under someone's profile picture which i dont intend to offend)

Just something that's totally irrelevant..

Okays, it's your picture anyways, I would stop being a busybody/"fake" critics/grumbling now. You know how people with nothing to do and no life always does. And today's Christine Wong is a very good example of that. HAahaha

Happy Holidays CALians!!!

It's a busy holiday ahead of mee.....weee~~

Fragility of a life

2011-03-26T10:45:00.004+08:00

We never thought those stuff will happen to us. We listen to the stories and thought, it's just stories that happened on others, but never expect to happen on ourselves. What if it does someday? How more fragile can human life be... It reminds me of the parable of the rich fool:

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

¹⁴ Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” ¹⁵ Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

¹⁶ And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest.¹⁷ He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

¹⁸ “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. ¹⁹ And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

²⁰ “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

²¹ “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

(Luke 12:13-21)

While we are so busy going through our daily routines, earning money, working, studying...we tend to go for those stuff so much that they seem to have higher priority than God. But what if one day, we die, where would all those go? If we are told that our life would end in an hour, would any of them still be important?

Tsunami in Japan and Myammar, also the wars in Middle East. I have not much to say about these but how fragile can human life be? One second we might here, another, we might be gone from the surface of earth forever.

Shall end this post with a reminder with Luke 12:32-34:

³² “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. ³³Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. ³⁴ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

p/s: sorry for the disorganized way of writing. my mind is really disturbed...

Respect

2011-03-22T22:21:00.005+08:00

Note: I'm writing all these "value-related" post recently, not to condemn anyone, but just a reminder for myself, so whenever i look back next time, I would perhaps be reminded of something about it. :)

Speaking about core value, this is something my mentor for CAL spoke about on the very first day of this programme: RESPECT. I dont really get what he mean that time, (maybe i still dont now). I mean we listen to this word this pre-kindergarten. We were told to respect our parents, our teachers, our siblings, elders, our friends and even little animals. Respect this, respect that, We were told to respect EVERYTHING.

But...

We weren't told why should we respect people. (Ok, maybe you did, but no one told me)

Respect, as defined on WordWeb: The condition of being honoured (esteemed, weel-regarded); an attitude of admiration.

We will encounter people from all walks in our life. Some worthy of our respect and maybe some don't. It is easy, when we are asked to respect people of high ranks like prime minister, pastors, principals and many others. It is easy to respect our parents, our grandparents or any artists or star sport-players. But when asked to respect people like burglars, robbers, thieves, rapist and criminals, it may be a bit difficult to do so. But what i wanted to talk about here is, respect for our acquaintances and friends in daily life.

It's ok to tease and joke about our friends. Relationships without some jokes will only be boring and mundane. But we must know our boundaries. Talk with respect. Joke with respect also. Know where your boundaries are.

When you are complaining that your friends are craps, they don't respect you, please, think:

Are you WORTHY of being respect?
Are your deeds and words, portray you as a person who deserved to be respect? To be recognized?

If you dont give a damn about all these, then never complain that you are NOT RESPECTED as who you are or as a human. It just plainly mean that you would let your ego be trash anyhow others like. If you want some respect, then be someone who deserves it.

Just to end this short post, I would like to share this quote:

We must not demand for recognition, but work to be worthy of recognition. - Lincoln.

Speak out

2011-03-03T20:13:00.006+08:00

It's kinda weird that recently, i actually have the mood for blogging and also the contents for it of course. It's been a long time since I had the passion for it. Maybe because lately, cognitive challenges keep coming, attacking my mind and forcing me to think different, to think, " What if it happens the other way?" I used to be timid and dont dare to speak out. My friends who read this might think: RUBBISH, Christine Wong has always been a very talkative and active girl, ever since we knew each other. Well, that might be true on the outside, but...am I really talking what I was thinking? (You may think about that for yourself too, are you?) What our mouth saying every day, is it really what you are thinking in your head? Or are you just saying it to cover your mistakes/because others said so, so you say like that too?

Are the words you are saying, REPRESENT the soul living inside of you?

To speak whatever your thinking, seems ever so easy. Cause...you dont have to actually find a way to twist the words or make up a fake story. But why is it then, we always find it so hard, to speak out?

This is not a matter of speaking about "me" all the time, rather, speaking FOR ME. You can always try to hide yourself and blindly agrees what others said. No problem in doing that, no one's gonna condemn you for doing that, and yes, it's legal until a certain extend. But don't you think by doing so, you are actually losing your identity and not using what God has specially spoke to you? By the time you reach the last few moments of your life, won't you be regretting that, why hadn't I speak about my ideas, my opinions which maybe could make a difference to what i had been through? Why hadn't I told what I wanted to say? It's like not going after a dream, but it's worse, because you dont even dare to say it out, what more of doing a concrete action. Don't look down on your thoughts and what you said, they are not merely words, but describes your person as a whole. Being able to speak for yourself is a gift too you know? The DEAF AND DUMB having difficultly doing so!!!!

Though, I'm not instilling the idea that we could always speak whenever we like or whatever that's of our means at anytime. We could speak as in, we should not use words to harm people INTENTIONALLY. That's why people always say Words are sharper than swords. Cause it attacks our mind, rather than physically. Yes, we can use it to condemn people but for GOOD, for them to be better being.

I had been to 2 interviews recently for some positions of clubs. But as i finish and come to think of the objective of going to those interviews, i found out that, i dont actually want those positions that badly. I just went for the sake of...going through an interview. But through these 2 interviews (Of course i've been through other interviews before but these 2 showed me great contrast in speaking out), I had learn about speaking out what I am thinking! In my first interview, I didn't speak for myself. I was faking everything up. Saying stuffs that pleases people, instead of what i actually think and wanted. I felt very sad for myself right after that. So during the 2nd interview, I decided to speak what I really think. It may not be as good, as pleasing, as standard or as well-planned, nor it meets the expectations of interviewers, but I know I am not lying. I am presenting myself out there. Telling people, who I really am, what i really did and my ideas. The result? I'm not sure how would it turn out, maybe i'll get it, maybe i wont, but for one thing i can be sure is that, it's my first step of SPEAKING OUT FOR MYSELF. And i'm soooooooo sure to tell you that - It feels really good! :D

To speak boldly and courageously. To speak sincerely. If you think speaking out would make this world a better place, don't lose the chance.

"What one spoke may not be absolutely right, may not be as well comprehend, but if he speaks from his heart, he speaks from what his conscience told him it's right, nothing else could compare with it."

- what i thought today. :)

Competition and Comparison

2011-03-01T20:58:00.004+08:00

I bet this is what most of us face today. We tend to compete with others and compare our achievements and abilities. Even if when we don't do that, people would compare us with others. It's a human nature, to want to be the best and perhaps, "KING OF THE WORLD!!!" no matter how humble you may claim yourself to be.

Another character of mine exposed: I'm a very competitive person. I do not know since when did I develop this trait because situation wasn't like this long time ago. Though i realised, it was since then, i started to strive for better things and improvements, both upon myself and people around me. High expectations and all those craps. It does bring me to a higher place. But recently, i find it very annoying. It's like, I am born to a people-pleaser and fulfill people's expectation. Do you ever feel it? When you felt that it is your forte in a thing, then the next moment, another person right beside you, could do it better than you, millions of times better. it just destroys all the confidence. And ego acts. Trying to beat that person, and the NEXT person doing the NEXT big thing keep coming in. And we're in that never ending chase. It creates all the invisible barriers and pressure on our shoulders, draining our souls and the spirit to be just ourselves, instead of competing. Have you ever felt that?

Without any competition, human would not develop as fast. (And there's no iphone4, no cars, no internets and you wouldnt be able to do what you are doing right now.) The exponential curve of technology, science and human development would collapse. There's always sense of content and gladness of course. All people living happily. And imagine cavemen living happily. Then all of these melodramatic lives of modern man would not come true. You and I would still be sitting in the caves, doing exactly the same thing our ancestors did. But is it because of that "sense of inadequate" that made us what we are today? The sense of wanting to be better? Or maybe best?

But of course, we should not ALWAYS compare ourselves to others. That would just make our lives even miserable than before. We're create unique, and that's how we should be. We're all gifted in certain area and "retarded" in some. We're all not perfect, and trying to be perfect, is not going to work, cause we will never be.

It's like comparing a red apple with a green apple. Which doesnt make much sense, cause you would said red apple is sweeter and green apple looks better in colour etc etc. They are created that way!!! Why compare?! We're not perfect - A sad reality but an awesome one as well. Hence, being a people-pleaser is not what we should be doing! That's certainly not the purpose of ANYONE's life. We're all not born to make others happy. Instead, to fulfill God's purposes for us.

That's the question I had been pondering about lately. What's God true gift for me? What is the tool I have to fulfill His will for me on earth?

Maybe you can think about that too and pray for it, if you haven't figure it out.

So lately, I have read about to overcome this COMPARISON COMPULSION syndrome, we could try serving others. Especially those who cant repay you. It trains your humility and connect yourself with others. Yes, serve the Lord and also the people around. When you do that, it's no longer comparison but compassion cutting through. :)

Last day of Feb

2011-02-28T20:35:00.002+08:00

It seems like it has just been yesterday that we celebrate the first day of 2011. and here we are, jumping in March, in just a few more hours to go. Time really flies. 2 months has passed. in Just 10 months, 2011 will come to an end. The pace of time, just suddenly freaks me. How fast am i aging?! I'm sure, in a blink of eye, without control, we'll all be adult then middle age then old then death. It'll all just happen naturally. I'm turning 19 soon, then end of teenage years. I can't believe this.

Two ships to be boarded, which will you go?

2011-02-24T19:19:00.006+08:00

I admit, I'm a person who get influenced by my environment very much. It's like whenever i reach a place, i can switch personality imediately or when i meet certain group of people, i can switch too. But it's not the "bad" type of switching, like back-stabbing or two headed snake. I just change. It's good in way such that, I can easily adapt to a place. I dont get culture shock. And in fact, i enjoy changes.

And recently, there seems to be many people asking me about this "relationships" type of stuff: Have boyfriend already? When wanna find boyfriend? Why so sad?
The problem is, I AM NOT SAD WITHOUT ONE. Not that I'm try to proclaim that I DONT NEED GUYS. Yes, i enjoy the company of guys, the way they think is certainly very different from what we girls always thought of. Enjoyed hanging out with them. It's like...they are protecting you somehow. And the stuffs they do and talk about, sometimes, it's just so funny in their ways that girls, if we were talking among ourselves, it would never seem funny. And i have mention this many times actually. I didnt have any plan of find one now cause, I'm still changing, as in DRASTIC changes to my personality. Even after days, i could transform to be a person you totally dont know. So imagine I start a relationship now with this personality, then after a few days, i changed again, the guy would have been unable to accept it, then we'll just have to end it the sad way. Then both side got hurt. Then, :(

That's why, I definitely love having BOY-friends instead of boyfriend.

Having a relationship is to prepare a couple into marriage. Marriage is a very special gift from God, a special bondage between a man and a woman, which no other types of relationships in this world could replace. The love between them, though can't be put side-by-side with God's divine love for human, is just miraculously awesome. That's why, since the age of caveman, love of man and woman has been given such attention and priority. If you're not prepared for a mature and long-lasting relationship or not prepared for a marriage, what's the point of being in a relationship?

All the statements like: we must enjoy the relationships, we must have lots of relationships to find the right one, etc etc. I know about this questions as I have ponder about it before, again and again for so long. Though, I would not go into it in detail now. All i can say is, it's not necessary. Not long ago, i just asked a facilitator of my bible study group, Chun Chung about all these questions. Well according to him, It's not necessary either. (Thanks Chun Chung for all the experiences you've told us. I love bible study very much. :) )

I can't force everyone to accept my view. Though, i think it's better, at least for me, to be enjoying the privilege of socializing with anyone i like rather then indulging myself in a special type of relationship which in case i did, I can't just simply mix around as I do when i am single.

Losing a friend due to relationship thing is the most unworthy thing on earth. I used to dont give a damn about friendships stuff, however, i learn about investing material stuffs and time in friends for the sake of nothing that caused me to view FRIENDS in a different way. It's the time they spend together, it's the special thing. but something happened recently that made me feel that, if I have to go through "losing a friend due to relationship" again, please, just kill me. I feel like stabbing myself for even ALLOWING that to happen. What was I thinking seriously? Though, what has been done, is done. All I can do is pray for the sun to rise again after storm. (Though i will stop being emo and sobbish about that, maybe you dont understand what i was crapping about in the last paragraph, but in case you do, it's just crap, dont have to mind about it.)

Though it may be my fault that incident happened. Cause again, God answered my prayer. I prayed not long ago for something. Then, it just happened, as I prayed. I dont know I should be happy about it or not. But, I felt so blessed that, stuff I prayed for are actually listened and answered, AGAIN. Acknowledgement for God is definitely not to be missed. Thank God.

Well, those are just my opinions and experiences. How about yours? What's your opinion?

When it comes to relationship and friendship, which ship would you board?

Happy CNY

2011-02-08T01:10:00.002+08:00

I hope it's not too late yet. Happy Chinese New Year everyone!!! Chu 5 today. :)

This CNY has been somewhat adventurous. I had been travelling a looottt.... From Selangor back to Miri to Sibu and to Daro. All the flights, long hours of car rides and boat rides are indeed very tiring. But, it's worth it i guess. I was hesitant to go Daro in the first place because of the travelling time. Hadn't been there since 3 years ago, i think. But, thanks to my super welcoming and warm Grandparents, uncles and cousins there, it turn out to be superb, "educational" and definitely, "eye-opening". Harvested bird nest, visit a "dreamy" farm in Daro while enjoying the fresh air I'd longed for since i reach selangor. (Oh man..the air here is seriously polluted compare to Daro.) Very memorable trip indeed.

And in Sibu, my siblings and in laws which i missed so much and I were practically playing citadel!! and mahjong all the time. It's seriously an addictive game.

In Miri, I followed a whole gang of great buddies from secondary school visitings. A record number of 14 houses per day. :D it was very fun indeed..and Thank God, this year no one shove too much carbonated drinks and junk food in our mouth.

So, here I am back here. Ready for the upcoming college days, trials and exams!!! (Look at the pile of homework, projects and notes... I finally feel stress after so long. HAHA It's a good thing, at least i get motivated)

May the Rabbit Year be another fantastic one. :)

The "Apa-apa pun bolehLah" culture

2011-01-22T10:11:00.003+08:00

It's a special culture which Malaysians have. Yes, we aim high, have very great expectations. Sometimes, we achieve our so called SUPERB excellency; but most of the time, when we fail, an "Whateverlah" will solve all the problem. We were taught, told and train to tolerate. Tolerate our surrounding, environment, races, culture, languages, human behaviours and all sorts of stuff. Sometimes, to tolerate the "getting less for the money you paid"situation, if you get what i mean.

We tolerance level is so high that, in some way, it's good, cause it means less arguments, quarrels, wars and of course, we have world peace. But without clashing ideas and the passion to express individual opinions, how far could we go? What I am trying to say is that, arguments are sometimes needed for us to grow and mature.

So instead of being such a nice goody goody that is able to tolerate so much, Malaysians, maybe we need to stop, reflect and

STOP THE TAXI DRIVERS FROM HAGGLING ANYMORE!!!!!

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Haha actually my purpose for this post wasnt the taxis, i just wrote that for...the fun of writing it. Oh ya, i was actually reading about internet censorship, particularly in Wikipedia.

There are lots of info about the censorship in various countries around the world. It made me feel that should we pity them (Like North Korea) for the government had held such strong dictatorial way of governing not only on their normal medium of communication, but also their INTERNET.

North Korea is not categorized by ONI but is on RSF's internet enemy list. Only a few hundred thousand citizens in North Korea, representing about 4% of the total population, have access to the Internet, which is heavily censored by the national government.^[26] According to the RSF, North Korea is a prime example where mediums of communication are controlled by the government. According to the RSF, Internet is the medium most used to the service of the North Korean government to primarily spread propaganda. The North Korean network is monitored heavily with only two websites being hosted under a domain name. All websites are under government control, as is all other media in North Korea.^[9]

Quoted from Wikipedia under Internet Censorship.

That's very saddening. Ok, back to what I should be saying about. So, i was continue reading then...Finally, reach Malaysia's part. Yes, malaysia' internet censorship was catergorised as nominal, which was expected. While other countries had perform filters and ban over pornographic sites and social networks, we seems to have no problem to those sites (no, I dont watch porn). Good news then, compare to our fellow neighbours, we can to enjoy the freedom of expression in cyber sphere which is invisibly suppressed in our daily real life.

But then, this is what I found there:

Malaysia

There have been mixed messages and confusion regarding Internet censorship in Malaysia. Prime Ministers Abdullah Badawi and Najib Tun Razak, on many occasions, have pledged that Internet access in Malaysia will not be censored and that it is up to parents to install their own censorship software and provide education to their children (provide self-censorship). The ISPs also actively deny that there are Internet filters in place when asked. However, the Communications Minister has occasionally announced that they are working on a nationwide filter, but each time such an announcement is made the Prime Minister makes a rebuttal to emphasize that there will be no Internet censorship. The state ministries of Terengganu and Kelantan have also announced that they have statewide filters in place in their respective states.

Porn sites such as Pornhub.com and Tube8.com are blocked without any notice or reason.^{[citation needed]}

In 2006 Deputy Science and Technology Minister Kong Cho Ha has announced that all Malaysian news blogs will have to be registered with the Ministry of Information. He justified this by stating the law was necessary to dissuade bloggers from promoting disorder in Malaysia's multi-ethnic society.^[97]

The web page faithfreedom.org, which expresses a critical view on Islam, is blocked in Malaysia (December 2010).

WikiLeaks, the popular whistle-blowing site, has also been blocked by the Malaysian ISPs. Trying to access countries under categories brings a 'Link is Broken' error message for the use
(Quoted from Wikipedia under Internet Censorship)

The first sentence totally make me embarrassed, as a Malaysian. While all the other countries, developed or not, had their firm stands in this global issue about human rights, why then we have "mixed messages and confusions"? That's why i said it's the "apa-apa pun bolehlah" culture. We don't like arguing, so do our dearly beloved Prime Minister. So instead, of making a decisive conclusion, we just prefer to stand in the middle.

I don't know how to continue on this matter. It just made me laugh, sympathetically at our own "cute" culture. Well, Keep it up MALAYSIANS!!!

Currently reading

2010-12-30T16:19:00.001+08:00

super meaningful book. in the midst of it. will make a review after finishing it. :D

Funny thing to be observed

2010-12-29T16:35:00.005+08:00

When I first went to college, I wasn't so keen on taking photos, i mean, being in the photos. I do not know why, maybe it's because of the "down-to-earth" culture i've been brought up with. (aha, lols, down to earth *rolls eyes*) Though the hidden, deep passion in photography (and the least time devoted to it T-T), i like taking photos and observe how people in them are reacting.

When we were in secondary school, our photos are very naive-looking. It's like we can totally ignore our stupid hairstyles and braces, and take that single photo, just for the memories.

But when i come to college, i starting to realise how big the difference is with the people here. Ok, maybe not all, but many, hell lots of them are behaving like this. It's when i was doing a photo-shooting session with a group of "great" peoples. yeap, they are great in fact. They actually talk about which angle, which side of the face, which pose, which smile and bilibala all those stuffs. And not just stopped at talking, they actually do it. For example, your face looks better on the right side, head tilted at 30 degree to the right, hands on your waist, legs bend .... imagine that, doesnt that feels very familiar? And after you know your best pose, you MUST pose like that in every single picture, no matter with who, you must!!! stand on the right side, just because your right side looks nicer. and if 5 of your buddies all have the right side looking better, you all stand with your right face towards the lenses. Good try for individual, but no offence, i think it's kinda silly especially when we are browsing through your facebook album, all the 100 photos, you have 100 of EXACTLY the same smile, pose and face photo. That's...wood.

Well, it's good to take nice photos. But isn't it better if you can just be you in it. Photos are taken to keep that moment forever in your memories through the photos.
It's impossible to have the same expression and feelings and thoughts every single moment of your life in front of the camera right? So, what's with the cloned poses? People might as well cut and paste the picture of "you" in every photo right?

Don't know why, i suddenly have the urge to write this after seeing one of my Sarawak friend starting to have that disease. It's definitely easier to observe people whom you have grown up with.

*********************************************************

Just passed my 18th birthday!!! Phew finally. I'm finally at legal age. :D

Havent been celebrating birthdays with friends since very very long time ago. The last time i remember doing so was during primary 3. LOLS.

So, here's the great buddies who celebrate with me this year.

p/s: Thanks for the pressies. didnt expect them though. :)

Numb fingers

2010-12-17T23:28:00.003+08:00

Aww man.. playing guitar is painful. HAHA.
Not gonna give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Guitar

2010-12-15T23:08:00.002+08:00

Time to take up new instrument. :D Bought this! AAHHH!!! Christine Wong is super happy now...

The Gift - Cecelia Ahern

2010-12-15T15:53:00.003+08:00

Just isolated myself this whole day to finish up this book, havent read a good book for quite a while now. I always adore the way Cecelia writes. And if you are wondering what to do around this time of the year to kill time, do consider buying yourself a copy from mph/times. Defnitely worth a good read. :D

Ever wonder what to give to your loved ones during this seasons of jolly? This book is about the Christmas gift.

It's about a gift from a homeless man to a successful and rich young man who had everything. I'm not gonna spoil the surprise here so any of you interested might as well read it yourself. It's really very interesting.

But I had learnt lots of lessons from this book. A man's tale is a lesson for another. :) The main character Lou Stuffern somehow reflect many of us, including myself on how we ought to act in our daily lives. We only know about work work work and more work. Or for students, keep studying. There's nothing wrong about it, cause if you dont work/study, you cant earn a living. But dont you think we are too obsessed about it sometimes that we missed out all the other parts of the life we SHOULD treasure instead?

God did not create us to work. God created us to live a life for Him. :)

FOC Hair Cut

2010-12-06T19:56:00.002+08:00

I was so desperate to get a hair cut. Went to sunway and all the saloon closed. =.=" So my mom ask me to cut on my own..

nah....already fixed by mom a bit. mom super pro in cutting her own hair. Haha...

just randomly post here, to remind myself - NEVER CUT MY OWN HAIR AGAIN.

Semester Exams coming...

2010-11-27T13:09:00.003+08:00

K...gonna stop all the emo-ing posts for a moment. Cause it's SEMESTER EXAM TIME AGAIN!!! Gosh...while normal people only go through SEMESTER ONE exam once in a year, why do i have to go through twice!!!Freaking twicee..... T-T

Come to thought, I should appreciate everything.

Seriously, do you get to do that? I bet you wont have the chance even you plead for it right? We really do repeating study the same thing, like for Bio, we've been learning about nucleus and cytoplasm since FORM 1 SCIENCE, and now...I'm in CAL, i still learn about the same old nucleus. Haha...this must be a joke man. Somehow, it makes me feel how slow humans are. We took what..10 years to learn a single thing in detail. But, that's how everything develop right? Our ancestors loooong looOO000OOooog time ago (archemides, kirrchoff, markovnikoff..gootttaa stop nerding) been searching and studying about all these stuff day and night until they get to the point of REALISATION. *light bulb*
Appreciate, cause you dont have to go through all those blood and sweat and revolutions to learn about nucleus and cytoplasm or F=ma. You get it just by going to MPH, buy a book and read. To get the hold of part of this big *ss universe we're in....

Well, about the scholarship stuff. Guess, i have made up my mind. I am going to study Medicine.

Yes, Medicine.

Not clear, Medicine.

I have been procrastinating too much. The reason is because I had a great dream in engineering. It didn't spark until my days in SAM, the engineering part of it. I had dream of researching and inventing stuffs I had been too shy to share with anyone. If anyone would know what i wanted to invent, trust me, you would laugh till you die. But, i just wanted to make it, cause

I DONT JUST WANT TO EXIST. I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!
(sounds so familiar..)

Though, to be realistic, are these dreams going anywhere? To get it, means...I have to let go of this scholarship. And my parents would want me to go back Curtin Miri to study engineering.

Means, I would have to go back Miri.

Means, my dream of going to Oxbridge/Imperial would be gone.

Means, I would be just another norm.

(Not to discriminate anything, but from my point of view, the environment you are put in, really does make impact a person greatly, so choosing a great uni is very important for me.)

To be put back, it is certain that, I would change back to the person I was back in primary school and secondary. Those time were happy and carefree, but it isn't how I want my life to continue. Everytime people ask me, if i were given a particular period of my life to be repeated, which would i choose? Even before they finish their question, i would answer, definitely not between 7 to 17 years old. Yes, it is suppose to be the time we are most happy, but I just dont like it.

I dont know why, I feel like that 10 years, i had been floating and dreaming around.

Working hard, but not really being myself.

This year is different, I am out here by myself and I can finally see what I want, and who am I.

I can praise God, sing to Him 24/7, serve Him as much as I like.

I can hang around friends who really does care about me as long as I like.

I can study and read as much and wide variety of books I like

I can watch as many movies as i like.

I can do so many stuff!!!! But sometimes, I wonder if I am going towards the right direction too. To let got of a 2 Million dollar opportunity and waste 40K. Is that stupid? For dream, it may be not. But for reality, that's more than any fool.

In the end, I sat in the dark, think and think and think..... I've decided. I will go to Medicine. Graduate, be doctor. That's what I aimed for until Form 5. After 6 months of searching around, I guess I have to settle down and get back on the track.

We all never experience what is it really like in that field, so gotta stop judging.

Dreams are sometimes, just dream. To grow up, we have to learn to let go of our precious stuff, even when it feels like cutting part of your flesh down.

Though, I will not give up because in clarity, my dream is not really engineering, but:

TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Engineering is just a route to it. But CERTAINLY, medicine can do just as much.

So, after 1 whole year of pondering what to do in the future, (it suddenly feels so relieving) I AM SET!!!!!!

No more sleepless nights.

Gotta study now...

Au revoir!!!!

p/s: Just thought of a new year resolution: I wanna learn French!!!!!

Why your blog all essay one?

2010-11-18T19:58:00.003+08:00

All the title said, some of my long-term blog reader (Thank you very much... :D ) started to realise this fact. It has been 5 years since I first started to blog. 5 years ago I was still Form 2, a naive little girl who just wanted to start a trend in the school, so I just create it for fun. I don't even know what these stuff was, but just did it for the sack of initiating a plan and doing something not much people of my age are doing that time.

(Haha....my plan did work. Soon, many new blogs around pop out :p )

My post on Doggie Fashion Show(The stupid dog which ran away)

My post used to be very funny, animated and loaded with photos. It was easy and nice to read. Until one day, I read in another blog, the blogger said, she wanted blog real stuff, stuff that express her thoughts, instead of just photos and captions all the way. Cause for us, blog is like a memory keeper, to be more exact, thoughts keeper. She said, "...When I am old next time and look back at my old posts, I do not want to see just bimbotic photos and lame jokes. It was fun, yes, but might as well I open my photo albums in computer to look back at those photos."

post on Uses of Papaya Tree. (I know this is super lame)

It was so true. When i look back at what I wrote when i was at this age, I want to know what exactly was I thinking. Not just photos. I could post the photos in other places in facebook, flickr and other social networks if i wanted to share them. If I just wanted to keep them as memory, I might as well just click on the "library" to see them...

Since then, I have decided to do so too. I write down my thoughts instead of posting silly photos, which i always post in facebook already. no point posting the same photos at 2 same places.

So, why your blog all essay one? I hope you get the answer. :)

Will miss you guys badly

2010-11-18T19:37:00.003+08:00

I knew this period of the year would come when I came back here in July.

Everyone's leaving, every one I am familiar with over this strange new place. When I first step foot over here, every thing seem so "dangerously" attractive. With the company of Fiona and YeeLing and all other Sarawak friends, we were so confident that we can go through all these in this year together. We stick together whenever something happen, haha, especially the time when we thought the house was break into, and yeeling with the boiling kettle, me with the plastic chair and fiona with her Nike bottle (which i doubt any burglar would be afraid of?) And those nights which we used to laugh like nobody's business until we got complains from the neighbours. Those nights which 3 of us were in our pyjamas, with the advices and naggings of moms not to get out after 10pm, hugging pillows and wandering on the streets of SS15 at 3am in the morning. Until...I moved out. I so wished I could move back, to be just the way we used to be.

Then when i moved here, I thought it would be hard. New program, new apartment all by my own. I feared the loneliness. I used to like to be alone last semester, deliberately go out on my own to a random place, sit down and totally isolated from this world. Just enjoy my me-time. But when i move here, i found out, I just got too used to the life which I was accompanied by lovely friends 24-7.

Just when I thought fear would come, I was super duper lucky to be able to have another wonderful bunch of friends in SAM. People whom for the first time in my life, other than my family, I felt is more important than ever. Bunch of people who wouldn't mind sacrifices and teaches me what is being "warm-blooded". Dinners, mamaks, chatting and crazy moments. Oh ya, and exploring around too. I was here for 6 months before, but never really go outside of subang other than KL. With you guys, my whole "mind-map" (as in map in the mind) of this whole area increased immensely. If i own a car now, i wouldn't even get lost. Haha..thanks a lot really.

Though, you guys all finished your exams. Time to leave and move on to the next part of your study life - Universities. For the first time, I got the feeling of leaving someone which you know you would only have one out of millions chance to meet again in the future. It's cruel!!!!

People always say you guy have facebook and msn to keep in touch. Yes, but after 1 year leaving secondary school, i can see all those doesn't really work. Unfortunately, we still drift apart in the end... :( Or maybe, i have not learnt to appreciate friendships last time like I do now. That's why, I let it fade off. Or just maybe, physical distance really does pull the relationship between people apart, wide.

And for next year, I would have yet another adventure to start. This time, without any childhood friends by my side. All on my own? Perhaps, but that's what I had to learn right?

To grow and to mature, separation is always one of the process.

If I could choose which part of life to be repeated,

this is the part which I would surely not leave out.

Irony

2010-10-29T07:43:00.007+08:00

(One of my friends keep mentioning this words this few days hmm....)
When thinking about choosing the pathway of life, at such young age, how would anyone be sure that they wouldnt be regret in their later life? I mean, how they know what they would want to be and would be in the far far unforseen days?

I know many of my peers are worrying about the university courses they will be taking soon and the career pathway, my juniors too and just maybe, my seniors. How sure are you about the type of job you wanna be stuck with your entire life? or at least, the type to start off your working day? the job that earn you your first pay check? But maybe choosing the university courses is not that important, neglecting the amount of money involved, because that's what the wise man says,"you may not stuck with the same job your whole life." Take a turn around the corner, some day, some where in your life when you are sick of your job or you have seen better opportunity.

True. Maybe, i should not consider and worry that much.

But the irony i would like to say here isn't about university courses, rather... the irony that some silly girl would face, would worry about - yea, silly girl like me.

During my grandma's younger days, she had not much choice or opportunity to decide her life. Every one was just following the norms. She was not allowed to start her own career nor enjoying higher education. So, she made the best out of her life by being a perfect wife, mother and grandma that took care of this big family. But during my mom's days, she was given a choice of having tertiary education. She was given a choice of having a stand in the society who started to realise the importance of gender equality, to voice out her own opinion and to work outside home. Then, it's my time.

So then i was thinking, how lucky we, girls are today compared to the fore generations. Yes, i mean, not the say lucky, but gender equality should be there since long time ago! It should be a SUPPOSE, not what we got from a "lucky draw". It is a fact that now we have 2 choice, to be housewife or to join the working force and compete against men. Both have their advantages and disadvantages right? Well, obviously for me and any friend of mine would know my clear and absolute decision is the later one. That's how i am built! Being rebellious, kiasu and ambitious, staying at home, clean the house and take care of the kids are definitely not my priority nor consideration, AT ALL. I need to get out, i need to have my own career, i NEED to own my own multinational company, NEED to earn my own billions and billions....so many dreams. Dreams of independence, without relying on my better half. So, there's some truth in daily horoscope - Capricorns always prioritise ambition and work than anything else. Anything that separates me from my dreams shall be destroy! (lols but i'm serious)

Then this morning, when i was on my way to college, i saw a car driving out from the car garage of a terrace house. An indian woman opened the gate and stand by the open gate, waving at the driver. That smile on her face, as if nothing else in this world is more satisfying than watching her husband go off to work every morning and then clean the house, making sure everything under that roof is in order. Yes, sometimes I wonder too, what a peaceful life it is. No competition, no worries about how the stock market goes or !@#$ !@#$ employees or anything while the working moms out there are struggling to balance between family and work, worry about how the kids are not properly educated and also about the dateline for projects at work. There's no time to clean the house or cook a proper, nutritious meal. Every time your husband come back, either you are still at some work-related event or you are too exhausted..asleep or still in front of the computer screen continuing your work because of the new kiasu colleague at work. Worst to worst, your husband don't understand your work. (Lucky then if both are in the same field) The home sweet home might be not that sweet anymore.
So there's the irony. Wanting a peaceful life or an adrenaline saturated, competitive working life?
I.......still choose the later one. Confining me in a space is a NO!!! I need challenges!
That's whhy whenever my conversations with friends touches this topic, my answer would always be, "Wait la, till i get my PhD, own my company and buy a multibillion mansion on the hill."

So, i do look forward to meet you, my competitor, in the top notch society in near future! ;)

Life's Greatest Lesson: Dont Complain, Appreciate. (Practical)

2010-10-24T22:09:00.002+08:00

I’m so glad that my mom came to visit me this weekend. Though stonning at genting, it is also a very enjoyable moment. Cause I never knew sometimes, being idle is also… so relaxing. I was just sitting there with my laptop on, “Life Greatest Lessons” book in my hand, though my mind was empty, with eyes staring into the air. People with so much laughter and fun passed by every second. My first visit to genting was a happy and memorable one, but with a sad burden, that time. Though, I will never forget it. A few more times followed after that, every time I played until mad. Screamed and shouted until I lost my voice. This time, I just chose to sit at starbucks.

Then, I paid a visit to University Malaya today. Never knew I had the chance to step foot into that old legend of our country. My uncle who is a cardiac surgeon once studied there. I always heard about it from textbooks and photos and tvs, but never expected to come here today. Actually, my sole purpose of coming to UM wasn’t just to randomly walk round, rather to visit a very special person, someone whom I haven’t seen for such a long time – My blind cousin, Ah Yao. Yes, he is blind, in fact, all his siblings are blind. Though, instead of giving up himself, he fought for his rights. He studied hard, topped in the list of SPM scorers among the people with special abilities. And there he is, with government scholarship, came here to pursue his dream of a humble yet noble profession – A teacher. He is taking his degree in Malay Studies.

I haven’t seen him for few years, 3 years minimum. He is a few years elder than me. We saw him walking from his hostel afar, following the yellow guidelines on the road with his walking stick. Properly dressed, of course. He could recognize the voice of every single person there, even after such a long period. We had a conversation with him. Those moments, sense of pitifulness and empathy was nowhere sawn; instead, the courage and honorable traits just shone through his eyes though the cornea turned fully white and opaque.

Rarely do I have the chance to meet a person who appreciates life so much, making the best out of it instead of complaining and grabbing every opportunity offered. He was staying with another blind guy from Sarawak in his hostel at UM. I was wondering, how 2 guys with sight disabilities stay together? THEIR ROOM WAS SO NEAT!!! Much cleaner than mine, haha. Shame on me I guess. They have 2 laptops on the table too and 2 very high end printers.

We snapped a few photos and left. Don’t know when can we meet again. I hope not long in the future. So long, ah yao, if you are reading this. J

“I would continue standing strong even when the whole world gives up on me.”

p/s: Thank you, Mommy for coming here and help me clean the apartment. :) HEHEHE, now i feel more like staying at home instead of venturing around.

gentlemen-ness, always the best policy.

2010-10-02T00:39:00.003+08:00

I went down my apartment to get some water just now. Just before I walk out the safety door, we are suppose to press a button to unlock it. There was a Caucasian in front of me, he pressed the button, went out, pause for a while and continue. He was talking on a phone. I quickly follow him out too so i wont have to press the button again to unlock the door. He saw me and immediately paused his conversation on the phone, turn back and apologised to me. First, i was literally like, "what? why?" He was "urhmm...the door..i didnt...." "OH!! THE DOOR HA?? It's TOTALLY OK!!!!" lols...that's was almost the exact words i said. He apologised for not helping me stopping the door from closing. How polite is that.....Haha, ok, my main point is, see how his politeness and gentleman-ness immediately make me feels good about this person?

How it just melts a lady's heart.

You dont have to be good looking, rich or charismatic or whatever it is.. To catch a woman's heart,

first step, be a gentleman. Be 细心, be careful, be tender and be observant in any you do. It doesnt have to be big, but small acts like,

offer your jacket when she's cold (without her yelling cold first)
tune down the radio and lower air cond fan speed when she falls asleep in your car
help her to carry her books/stuffs etc, even when she says it's not heavy
when sending her back, make sure she enters her house and is safe and sound then only you leave

etc etc...

Guys, doing these doesnt mean that you are interested in that girl or what, but it's just...how you are suppose to grow up, be a man, no, a gentleman. There's girl in every ladies heart, the girl who wished so hard to be a princess, so go on, make every girl feels like a princess. Then you'll see how different they would treat you. People are like mirrors, we reflect what people told us and treat us. So in return, we would feed your ego-ness too, good deal, right?

Every guy labelled themselves gentleman.
Cause they go to the gents.

CAL and STPM

2010-09-15T23:28:00.003+08:00

Finally, after coming back for almost a week, i step foot into the one and only proper mall during my secondary years... Parkson :) Went to my favourite shop, Popular...Hey, this doesnt mean i'm a nerd k, i just love books, not the academic types only la, but the stories that shop has! Tales about so many people. It's like how my mom always say, whenever you go travelling or shopping in a new mall, never go to a bookshop, cause you'll be stuck in there for hours and the rest are left unexplored. True, for me at least, how about you?

Ok, to the main point. I was being nostalgic and went back to the section I visit almost every day before SPM, the reference and workbook section. Saw all the SPM SUCCESS books and the what KERTAS MODEL AKTUAL which successfully cheated anyone who thought it was real paper at first glance. Didnt actually flip through it, but i am 100% sure, that 90% of the contents of those books are the same as what I have last year, or should i say, 98%. :)

This time, i went to the stpm section. Curious though, before join CAL, i thought of going to STPM before. I mean, many people told me, STPM's syllabus are harder than CAL, it's free, so why not choose STPM? True, but I insisted and promise myself to NEVER touch BM academically anymore after the day i finish Kertas Bahasa Malaysia in November 2009. (sorry cikgu azmira T.T, i love you, but i just dont like the subject. haha) So, ended with CAL also.

The books of STPM are really DIFFERENT. Ok, it's the same as what we used to have during secondary school but, after studying foreign country books for 9 months now, when i get back to MALAYSIA style books, i was a bit shock? haha.

THE DIFFERENCE IS BIG:

British/Australian reference books are in big chunk of paragraphs, finding the point is your job; Malaysian books are mostly in point forms. Easy to understand.
Brit/Aus books really tells you in detail (from my personal perspective) of why and how about a fact; Malaysian books: THIS IS A FACT. SWALLOW IT.
Brit/Aus books not much example; Malaysian books: Welcome to the world of examples.
Brit/Aus books not much exercises, although there is special books for exercises; Malaysian books, after each chapter, topical exercise, past year exercise, model exercise etc. etc.....
Brit/Aus books many coloured pictures :D; Malaysian books, mono-coloured... =.=" but we survived. So malaysians are colour blind??!?!?! haha
Last but not least, the price. Let's not compare such obvious point.

Yes, the syllabus may be quite similar or maybe malaysia one are "deeper" but the style of education are different. Seriously, i didnt realise i had got used to such a different style of learning until today after experiencing 3 different style of teaching from 3 countries.

Well, i cant really judge for CAL now, but hey, I AM EXCITED TO EXPLORE IT!

p/s: I think the effect is quite immense, especially on my blog post. Open your eyes big big and seee.....haha

Precious Baby

2010-09-13T17:16:00.002+08:00

Afetr having a hard time searching high and low in the hospital, which is not very large scale, we finally found her name on the sign board outside one of the wards - Special Care Unit.

Barging through the doors, we have no idea what does special care unit does. All i realised is, the biggest difference is this unit have super cooling air conds but others dont. Still confused, where on the earth are we going to find her in such a big ward. Nurses at the side are giving us weird glances while the doctors are just too busy to mind random people like us... Oh, the whole ward was in blue shadow of UV lights too.

Finally, we saw her in the pantry. She seems tiny now, very different from how i first saw her. Standing there, staring into the air with the ugly green hospital "sarong". Hmmm....We have decided to wake her out from the gloomy day dreaming. Her eyes suddenly brighten up, smile appears and greeting us with hugs. But in a split second, the worries that was there few seconds ago return.

"Oh, you guys can not come in here. Let us go out of this ward and talk." She urged us to go out immediately. It was because the nurses here aren't very friendly, you know. No strangers are suppose to be in the SPECIAL CARE units. Yea, I understand. Babies are delicate, fragile..what more to say, these precious babies?

Her tummy still swelling though, and her walking was more of like trotting?? Haha, i do not know how to describe, it's just well, you just have a big "crack" on your bottom. It must be painful. Ouch!* We talked outside. She was happy to see us. She said, she thought her baby and her could be discharged today, but who knows, the baby suddenly turns yellow due to some complications during delivery. Jaundice, eh? So, the little baby girl had no choice but to go "tanning". There wasnt enough beds inside too, so she had to sleep on the floor. This is bad, really bad! I mean, how could a hospital ask patients to sleep on the floor?! Hhhhm.... I believe, all of us are willing to spend whatever cost it takes to get back our health, so if I were her, i would sue the hospital straight away man.... Her family came to visit her before, but same case, they could not go into the unit, so, they had rush back to their flights without even having a glance of the newborn.

After half an hour of talk, the Dad was here. We congratulated him, for having a baby at such age. And without a name given yet, the baby was labelled "Precious Baby" in front of her little high tech cradle with 3 blue UV lights "hovering" over. The visiting time is over too, we have to move. Last advices given to this new mother, though i can clearly see the worries she is trying to hide from us. If the illness continues, there might be brain damages. Which mother wouldnt be worried?

"I'll pray for you." Then we left.

At such age, it is a wonder that this couple got what they had been dreaming of, day and night. A baby of their own, to bring joy, to inherit their characteristics, a human that belongs to them.

Literally, a Precious Baby.

Smile and message.

2010-09-06T21:08:00.004+08:00

Sitting at J.CO, with donuts on the table one afternoon. There's rarely a chance like this, but don't know why today Mr Chew was so generously to give his employees a break. Well, there's a project on due next Monday, but here they are, sitting around the table with ChocManiac, Green Tea Ring, Coconutties... with that sweet aromatic peach tea, of course, in a up sized mug, in front each of them.

While chilling around, it isn't hard to notice that almost every human walking pass was holding an iPhone, pressing away. Multitasking generation? Why not! We can walk without looking our way, study while listening to the music, staring without looking and many times, talking without thinking. How great...Enough bout that, the atmosphere was as usual. There's noise, but with the new urban filter on their ears, it isn't hard to notice the laughter and contents from our fellow friends.
Yes, we only listen to what we want.

*************************************

*Beep beep* "You've message" the screen on one of the iPhones on the table shows. The one with shinny plate, the coolest one, the blue and silvery one - My Personalised iPhone.

I quickly pick it up to avoid my colleagues from knowing who had messaged me. The conversation stopped, laughter silenced, awkward stares thrown over.
"What's the matter, bro?" Fred asked.
"What?" I replied, annoyed while sliding on the screen to open the message.
"You seem agitated."
"No, I don't." before blocking out the disturbances to focus on the screen.

Please not other people.
Please don't let it be Mom asking about what i had for lunch.
PLEASE dont let it be Mr Chew.

[Congratulations! You have won $100,000,000!.....]
Gosh....why!? Argh! Without second thought, the message has been deleted and phone dumped on to the table harshly.

Sitting there without a word, my mind filled with so many confusing and irritating sounds...The jokes and laughter by Fred and all my other colleagues now seems totally evil. I wished they could just shut up.

"What's wrong? Want some donuts?" Fred asked.
"You shuddup..."
"Wow, chill man! What's with the shuddup?"
"Shut up..." I repeated. And more swearing followed... The heat within just burn up suddenly.

I pick up my phone again and opened Facebook. Looking through those photos just sort of cooled down me. How i wish...
*Beep beep* "You've got message!" I quickly open it.

[Hey, sorry for the late reply. Was busy checking through some documents just now. So, what's up?]
[Re: Oh, it's ok. Erm, nothing. Just wondering if anything happened to you. But seems like you're busy, i'll talk to you later.]
*sigh*
[Re: I'm ok, free now. Is there anything important?]
[Re: ............

******************************************

A smile appeared on his face. While busy clicking on the screen, the smile which appeared on his face never fades.
There's noise and laughters all around
So many distractions...Yet, it all doesn't matter now. The person at the other end may not know, but just that one message, made his day, make everything perfect. What he would really love doing is just smile and message, to that particular person, of course.

Never judge a book by its cover

2010-08-09T17:11:00.003+08:00

Guess today, Lord had taught me a very important lesson, again. Though this time, i didnt really suffer any damage.

You know like whenever we meet a person, sure we'll judge him/her straight away. even before they started speaking or what. we judge them and we decided whether to be friends with them or not. If we dont want to be friends at that split second judgement, most probably, we wont talk for a long long time, unless an event happened that force us to talk.

Maybe you dont have that feeling, but my first second judgement is so strong. It's like i know how a person would be like the first glance i had on him/her. If i dont like the feeling, I wont talk to him/her at all. I could have talk to every one else in the world that i had good feeling but not that person. My hypersensitivity....

I had always dont really like...not to say hate...just not very good feeling about a person i've met recently. For such a long period of time, our total conversation could be less than 10 sentences i guess. I dont know why, she didnt do anything bad to me, but i just felt annoyed with her existance.

Though today, something happened. I was so anxious. There's no one that can help me anymore. I had no choice but to ask for her help...She didnt doubt and did her best to assist me without complaining..If I were her, i would have just ignore myself. I mean, why should i help a person who was so ignorant to me? What's my benefit?

I was so grateful of meeting a person like her now. She may not know how did i feel cause i never really showed it out, but Thank you Lord, for showing me-

forgiveness.

patience.

good deeds without expecting returns.

Appreciation.

So next time, without a concrete reason, dont simply judge a person by first impression. The content of that person may be the most wonderful gift you would ever receive.
Like the most common idioms ever sounds: never judge a book by its cover. :)

How Blessed!

2010-08-03T18:09:00.005+08:00

To anyone who thought I was unusual:

I once thought, being able to come to Taylors to study, How blessed am I? I would never be this blessed again...ever....

I once thought, knowing God and Jesus, in the way i used to know them when i was in secondary school, was the most blessed thing ever again...never would it be better than that...

I was the one who always reject those trying to reach out to me. thinking they are too extreme. Till now, i realised, it'll all truth. It may sound like I'm being HYPNOTIZED or what..but i'll never lie to you on this matter.
Though, till recently, there's so much stuff that happened, so much GOOD stuff that filled me that i dont even know where to start, to thank God, our heavenly father. Yes, our ALMIGHTY Father, who would give so much, so much...even His Son, Jesus...to bless us.

PLEASE CONTINUE TO READ ON.

When i was very young, i used to go to Sunday school. Though, i never understand a single word the teacher said. Since i forget when during primary school, i stopped going to sunday school. I just dont see the need. WHY SHOULD I WASTE MY TIME THERE? Doing stuff i don't even understand and i dont care. Praying to an "IMAGINARY" person, whom never seem to matter in my life that time. My life was great, i thought. Great food, great entertainment. No early morning wake up.

Though during Form 2, a very good friend of mine asked me to go to church fellowship. I doubted for so long. Few months i remembered, only i went there, because she offered transportation for me. I thought ok lo, since many of my friends going to that fellowship, i just tag along and play la~~ Though, it wasnt as fun as i thought. It's not about games all the time. I just doesnt seem to fit in. And I dont really feel that I was accepted into that family...

So, I only go to the fellowship once in a blue moon... Then, i did join the Sunday service and church choir, trying very hard to make myself understand all these. To understand what God had done for me. Praying and devotion on my own was totally out of my mind that time....
Still, i thank God, for giving me that chance to at least, be near to Him. At least....

Well, i came to Subang. Fortunately, my friends and I found a church so nearby our house. I was still in doubt at first, to whether should i go to church or not here....i knew study was going to be hard and busy and everything. Well, thank God again, for giving me a friend who FORCED me to go at the beginning. (Though we argued much...I was so rejected at the idea of going to church here)
I do pray to God once in a while, when i remember: Lord, please help me be nearer to you. Lord, please give me the chance to serve you more. Lord, please let me understand you more. Lord, I open my heart to you. Lord, please let me surrender myself fully to you.

Since then, many incidents happened. At first, i still dont realise what is happening. I thought, it was just luck, sheer coincidence. All the achievements and glory He gave me during my secondary period was nothing, i thought. I thought it was all because of my hardwork, my born-genius gene...
Then again and again. I knew something was prompting me...guiding me through my every day life.

Miracles happened again and again. I was awed.

Studies. Friends. Every day life. Church life. and my Heart towards Him.
(Even when i wanted to cross the road, I feared of being knocked. Though, i realised recently, it was almost every time i want to cross, the road emptied...coincidence? think again hmmm..)

Though, i still couldnt say now, that i am TOTALLY 100% perfect for Him. I'll continue praying that, one day, I could be what He want me to be. Because i compared and realised, life before Him was totally worthless. I don't wanna go back that life again. I realised, only with Him, I could achieve great wonders in His name.

Only with Him, i had the courage to write all these down.

Yes, i was once like you.
(I wasnt born genius. I wasnt born friendly. I wasnt like how you know me now)
Though, today, He had chosen me to in part of His family, to be His witness.
And one thing that i can 100% tell you that: Life is perfect for me all because of Lord Jesus.

Dont believe? well, it's up to you then.
But remember, whenever you have a chance like that, dont reject it, just take it from a different prospective, ok, you may not want to believe at first, thinking it is all nonsense, then take it as an...entertainment...at first.

Cause i have total confidence that, One day...you'll be just like me.